Would you have your step-son arrested?

Question

My step-son stole and pawned my wedding rings. Our friend who is a detective wants me to file a report and have him arrested. More because he is starting to steal from others. He's 18, so this will be on his record. Would you do it. My husband and I are thinking we should but are very scepticle. What would you do?

Answer 1

This is a very delicate situation. Some people steal to steal... others steal to compensate for something else. I am not the type to just defend; however I also feel very strongly about punishment befitting the crime. I would strongly suggest filing a report. Unfortunately irrespective of the reason - a consequence HAS TO BE DEALT.

All too often we want a punishment; however we do not want it to last forever.. and I understand that - yet, it is probably more of a punishment to let it go. I am not saying you are business as usual; however neither you nor your husband can provide the 'hard knocks' education that this young man needs a taste of.

It is hard to do, yet at the same time.. this may be the little 'wake up' - it could also make him more bitter etc. yet you did not steal from him.. he stole from you, that is a crime and therefore it should be treated as such.

I do not feel that he should be condemned but you need to address this and in actuality you need to make the report and from there you need to step back. While he may not have considered the consequences OR did and thought you would let it slide.. you need to send a message.

I am a hard believer in do the crime do the time; however I am also one that does not feel that we need to throw the baby out with the bathwater. You will want to be firm and once you make a decision - leave it.

I wish you strength, this will not be easy; however easy is not always the best course. I do sincerely hope your step-son turns around;and I do not necessarily think that this arrest will turn him.. but it will let him know that stealing is not ok. It's an uphill battle.. but I encourage you to walk with your husband hand in hand up that hill.

I wish you well!

Answer 2

I would try to sit down with him and find out what his motive was and make him work for every penny he owe you. Everybody makes mistakes but that is not the problem it becomes a problem when a person repeatedly does the same mistakes. I would give him a change because he maybe has other issues that driven hem to do so.

Something similar like that happened to me and I didn't call the Police and it never happened again I wouldn't trust him make him earn it back at the same time I wouldn't take any kind of slack from him.

You have up to 1 Year to file a Police report

Answer 3

A difficult problem, but a common one. The way to look at it is like this... You love your step-son. An important part of love is discipline. Discipline means to teach and to train. As a parent, you have a responsibility to teach your son right and wrong. It's important that there is a punishment for wrong behaviour. Discipline must be consistant.

The best possible choice here is to press charges and to do it because you love your son. If you are acting out of anger, then it's a mistake. The criminal justice system will force him to be accountable for his actions. At this point in his life, he is probably beyond your control.

Make sure you speak with him and see if you can get him to admit he's done something wrong. Chances are he will. It's important he knows you are seeking this kind of punishment because you love him and want to prevent future wrong conduct. He will beg and plead, then become angry but let him vent it. At some point in the future, he will appreciate it. Not now.

Step-parents have a near impossible task when in comes to disciplining their step children. All step-children unconsciously transfer their anger over the loss of the original parent to the step-parent. It happens 100% of the time. Don't think it is just you.

As hard as it may be, you have to love your kids unconditionally and part of being a good parent is consistant discipline. It would be worth your time to take a few parenting classes. They are usually offered free in many communties to help parents in this situation. There are many methods of parenting available and you can learn a lot from the experiences of others in the same situation as you.

The alternative of doing nothing and "forgiving" him is a false dilemma. You can properly discipline him AND forgive him. Make sure whatever you do it is from a loving heart. Doing nothing enables bad behaviour and allows your step-son too much control over you. You must be the grown-up in control.

The choice to take parenting classes or not is within your control. Start today making thoughtful and reasoned decisions concerning your step-son. That too is within your control. Do not get angry. If you do, you will make mistakes and the relationship with your step-son will get even worse.

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."

Answer 4

Hum, that's a tough call. First of all, there's clearly a problem elsewhere. Most people don't steal just for the sake of stealing. Its usually contributed to a drug or alcohol problem. I would get to the bottom of which one he has, and possibly get him some help. Or at least try to get him help. It probably want do him any good until he's hit rock bottom and HE wants help. But it want hurt to try.
I see it everyday in my job, where these young kids start to steal to support a habit, and of course the first place they start stealing from is mom, dad, grand mom and grandad.
Should you press charges?,, yes I think you should. I'm not saying just completely desert him, when he goes to court,call and speak with the District Attorneys office, most office's have victim advocates that can help you through the court process.Let them know what kind of problem he's having, (drugs, alcohol or both) That way, when it comes to his sentencing, the attorney that prosecutes him can include drug or Alcohol treatment for him, that will be a condition of his probation. Not to mention, that probation will do random drug screenings and alcohol testing, to insure he's not fallen off the wagon so to speak. Its just about the only way to force an adult to get help for his or her problem, but remember even then , you cant help people that don't want to help themselves.
I'll keep you in my thoughts, good luck which ever you decide!

Answer 5

Why is your stepson stealing from you and others? My stepdaughter used to steal from me. I didn't know at the time, but it was to get money for alcohol and drugs. She's now out on the street, a full-blown alcoholic and drug addict. I wish we hadn't been so blind when she still lived with us. We might've been able to get her some help.

Other signs of drug abuse for you to look for: Lying, doing poorly or flunking out of school, not being able to hang onto a job, poor driving record, sleeps all day/up all night, runs with a different crowd than he used to, glassy eyed, alternates between full of energy/extremely tired and is rarely on an even keel, etc. You get the drift.

If it's substance abuse, offer your stepson a choice. Rehab or jail. It's the most caring thing that you could do.

You might want to speak with someone with a background in this, like a family counselor with intervention experience.

Answer 6

There is a lot of freedom with what people can post and view on the internet, so probably not. Things that could get him in trouble are sexual pictures of children, pictures that combine bondage and sex (naked bondage OK, hurting people during sex not), and pictures that show a crime being committed. Illegal or not, if he is viewing awful things, you should want to find out why. It could be mere curiosity and a wish to see something gory and unique, or really bizarre. It could be a serious problem. Look at other personality clues to decide which.

Answer 7

Just make sure your husband(his father) is ok with it! If he is unsure then dont do it! It might seem like the best thing to do but that is a hard decision for a parent to make!! And you dont want to wind up being the person to make that decision and it ends up hurting your marriage. Ive been in this situation! I could not do it, as a parent I could not force myself to put him in jail. Its so hard!!! I feel for your husband. Sometimes doing what seems like is the right answer is the most difficult. I was very resentful when the step parents involved were angry at me when I decided not to press charges! You dont want to put yourself in that situation, if he continues to act like this he will end up in jail and you will have nothing to do with it! Just make sure you have a 100% support from your husband before doing it

Answer 8

i learned this lesson too late. My sister has stolen my credit card and took money out on it. She paid me back. But if I had called and turn in my sister. She would have learn her lesson then instead, she then stole my mother credit card, activated on my moms phone got the password for the cash advancement and took cash out that my mother on a fixed income had to pay back. So teach him the lesson early. File a report and have him arrested. It's called tough Love. And it works..

Answer 9

My brother has just done that to my grandparents, who we just found after 18yrs. I have spent some time raising him myself installing things that would prevent this kind of behavior. He broke into to a safe. He has done things like this his whole life. I am telling you this because his whole life no one has ever done anything to stop him. I told my grandparents to press charges, they told me they couldn't. If your step-son is doing this to others please know that one day he will do it to the wrong person and god forbid will not live. If we as adults do not take action on things such as this we are letting them down as kids. I say if you feel you have done your job and given everything then let him pay the price, that is what I am in the middle of doing.

I am sorry for your loss and hope you can get it back.

Answer 10

I am guessing your stepson has a developing drug habit also. He is a thief. You are a victim. I would file a report for tow reasons, one you can get the rings back from the pawn shop for what they paid the stepson, and two, if you let him get away with it, it will cost you much much more.