the only time he touches me is during sex.?

Question

my bf and i have been together for over a year now and are engaged to be married in november of this year. but he is the type of person that doesnt like to be lovey dovy. but i am. it really hurts me when he doesnt touch me like as in even hug me when he gets home from work. sometimes he wont even listen to me. i believe that he has just gotten used to our relationship but i havent. and i cant talk to him because he never listens to stuff like this. how do i tell him? what to do?

Answer 1

BREAK UP WITH HIM AND THROW THE RING IN HIS FACE AND LIVE WITH YOUR MOM!


Or, get him to listen to him. but dont force it.

Answer 2

Well you could be just afraid of how he may react because he is not the lovey dovy type, but you have to let him know what you need for a change, let him know you like to get cuddled once in a while and kissed for no reason here and there, If you find that you guys lack communication also let him know. Or when he reaches home let him relax first and then go build a conversation with him and then let him know how you feel when he is comfortable in the conversation with you.

Answer 3

Wow!
A girl who likes to cuddle and a guy who doesn't!
Whodathunkit? ;)

Seriously, though, some people don't like "intimacy" outside of the bedroom (this goes for both sexes). If it's bothering you this much that you have to ask total strangers for advice, you need to discuss it with him, and if he doesn't change, then dump him (a year is too long to put up with someone who is clearly not sympatico with you).

However, keep this in mind: such a "confrontation" may put him into a "corner" that he can't get out of, so *he* may end up dumping *you*. If you're the insecure type, this probably isn't the way to go.

Try starting something gentle and non-"threatening", like sitting next to him in a restaurant, instead of across from him. Hold his hand while you're at the movies. When out walking, gently press against his side and hold him by his waist. If he doesn't reciprocate, whisper a joke, like, "Hey, I don't have cooties, ya know!"

If he doesn't get the hint after all that, and if he's totally inattentive to you except in bed (you didn't say whether he's mooching off you or your parents, whether he has a job, etc, etc, etc), then you have a big decision to make: dump him and find someone else, or live with it (if you put that to a poll, I think you could guess the outcome).

Good luck!

Answer 4

Dumping him is not the solution. There exist different types of people in the world & its said that No two people are exactly the same. Every person has a different way of Faffing, of Fighting or Flirting.. so why not a different way of Loving. Just because he does love you the way you want him to, does not mean he does not love you at all!! But i must ask about why he does not talk or listen to you!! Communication is a necessity in a relationship. If it bothers you so much, You must talk it out, no matter what the obstruction. Explain why you are disappointed. If he loves you, He will understand & make an attempt to answer you back.
Best of Luck!

Answer 5

Life is short and NEVER settle. You've got to get what you want out of a relationship. If your boyfriend isn't fullfilling your needs now it's going to put a strain on the relationship. I myself like the type of person who shows their affection. My ex-husband wasn't affectionate either (wouldn't hold my hand, kiss me in public, etc) and it hurt me too. Obviously we're not together now and I'm a lot better for it. Now I have a boyfriend who always touches me and I love it. Just passing me in the house he'll grab my butt. I'm a whole lot better off now, I'm very lucky. You should re-evaluate your situation, because it doesn't sound like you two are on the same page. Unless you can talk to him and he listens to you, that's not a good relationship. You've got to be able to talk to each other and listen to each other. He should want to give you what you want, especially something as simple as affection. If he doesn't listen to you now he probably never will. It sounds like you need to get what you want from somewhere else. I know it's not easy to let go of someone you love, but there are a lot of good people out in the world that you may fit better with. Only knowing him for a little over a year isn't very long, you're just really getting to know him.

Answer 6

Without being too wordy and emotional, tell him that physical affection is a way of reassuring women in a relationship. Offer him the incentive of more frequent and more passionate sex. He may have grown up in a family where there was no physical affection, so he's just not used to it. Guys in general just aren't as affectionate as women. It is a trained behavior.

If after talking to him about it he still doesn't seem interested and has no inclination of changing, then reconsider your engagement. This could be a show-stopper that would otherwise lead to divorce down the road.

Answer 7

This sounds exactly like my relationship...I wish I could tell you something different. I know the feeling you feel pushed to the side and when he wants you you are suppose to react to him.
I tell him how I feel sometimes he listens but I know he is not 100% there. Or it doesn't stay absorb long enough in his head. He is a very good man (which I am sure urs is too) but I honestly feel they need to take a class on being affectionate and alot more of holding in the arms (and that it won't lead to sex) just plain old fashion holding eachother. I mean he has to touch and grab in the way I don't like it then he is all turned on and I am barely catching up. I am sorry I wasn't much help but it feels good to let out my fustration. Good Luck!!!

Answer 8

You can try talking to him about it, but I doubt it will work. Or it might work for a while. If that's not the person that he is you can't turn him into that person. I'm sorry. I know how you feel - been there. But please, before you keep going on with the relationship really examine everything and decide if you want the rest of your life to be this way. Once you get married and or have kids with him, it's not so easy to get out of the relationship. I wish you luck with whatever you decide to do.

Answer 9

You need to open his eyes.....if talking to him doesnt work then what kind of a relationship do you really have.....without communcation, how are you suppose to get your thoughts across...if he doesnt listen to you when he comes home, i hate to say it but it also means he doesnt respect, I dont care who you are, you should always listen to your significant other....and the fact that he doesnt even hug, thats jut downright pushing you away....and you are right he has gotten WAY too comfortable with this relationship....you might want to think about post-poning the wedding because if this continues, do you really want to be married to someone like that.....

Answer 10

Sit down and discuss this, however he is how he is and one must wonder why you dated him this long AND agreed to marry him, knowing this was an issue for you.

I married a guy who was like your guy in that he was never affectionate, rarely said he loved me, and basically although a nice guy, just wasn't in him to be "lovey dovey"...if he wanted to be intimate he'd ask me "do ya wanna have sex?" There was never any teasing, making out, foreplay, etc.

We dated 2 yrs before we married, and we separated after 17 months because I couldn't deal with living in an emotional vacuum.

It won't get better after you say "I do"...be VERY sure of your decision before you walk down the aisle.

Answer 11

It's easy. Everything you just said to us, you tell to him. If it's important to you, than maybe you're with the wrong guy. You've only been together for a shoort time, and if you've had this problem, then maybe you're making a mistake.

But ask yourself, do you really wanna marry a guy like that? WOuld you rather call off a wedding or get a divorce one day?