Why do i feel so stupid about this?

Question

I have/had a crush on a guy at work. The thing is we used be close friends and I started liking him as more than a friend. I got the since that he liked me too since he always flirted with me and cracked jokes, etc. But, he has a gf in the Phillipines whom he is engaged to since I helped him get the ring for her. He only gets to go back there once every 2 years and I think we started experiencing sexual tension since we had a convo about doing it. I called him a dog since I thought he was comin on to me but then he denied he was serious bout it and said he was kidding. Iwrote a letter apologizing to him but then he started ignoring me. He said I should focus on someone else and it's best that we no longer be friends since I was too weird & obsessive. I emailed him saying that we were both wrong for talking about sex, he blamed me for being weird. i got mad and told him not to b my friend. He told me not email/talk 2 him unless work relatd. I'm ignorin him and he's not doing anything

Answer 1

i remember that guy. so you are the one who he was talking about. well you did something good for him since you helped him out. tell him you want to patch things up if you think they are mendable. he may not since he felt uncomfortable about that convo. all you can hope for is for him to hear you out and forgive you. if things dont work ou then just let it go. you kind of did set yourself up b/c you knew about the relationship. its kinda your fault.

Answer 2

So wait, what's the problem here exactly?

If you're really unsure about why you feel stupid about it, it's simply that -- a stupid situation, and in my opinion, it depends on who started the conversation about "doing it." If it was him, and after all that he's calling you obsessive and not accepting your apology, then he's a jerk and you don't need him. If it was you, and you're still thinking about it at this point, then you should take his advice and drop it.

Relationships with co-workers is a mess in the first place, but if this guy is engaged to someone in the Philippines, chances are a lot of the way he reacted to it has to do with the fact that it's more than likely a betrothal that he's terribly unhappy with. Either way, he's stuck in a situation he can't really do anything about, so keeping your relationship at a professional platonic level is probably the best way for things to go. It sucks losing a close friend, and not being able to really talk to someone you used to have feelings for, but if it's not going anywhere, just move on.

Answer 3

I think you are probably a self assured strong woman for being able to discuss the subject of sex with someone when there was the tension there...he is probably much less self assured and certainly less honest possibly even with himself. This guy is no loss to you, consider the type of intimacy issues that he must have to be engaged to a woman he sees once every two years. If it was mainly a sexual attraction get over it by fantasizing/visualizing him as a total sexual goofball. This could be very entertaining for you and definitely will help you lighten up. Try not to laugh out loud in his presence,you don't want to be rude or stoop to his level(calling you weird) Continue with your honest perspective and self esteem, you are worth a partner with similar values. I applaud you,girl!!!!

Answer 4

Sounds like you guys burned a bridge:-\ Don't think too hard on it...it's probably better not to rekindle the friendship. But don't worry, I don't think you were being obsessive. I think you guys just got a little ahead of yourselves and that sort of talk is hard to just brush under the rug, especially for someone who's engaged. Just continue as you are, talking if work stuff calls for it, and keeping a safe distance otherwise. The tension will fade with time.

Answer 5

Wow, the things we get into at work.

Well you two dug this hole you are in and you need to stop digging. You have a crush on an engaged guy and it sounds like he was testing the water to see if you were interested in sex. Everything might get better if you just say to him, "I want to be your friend and share jokes, coffee breaks, shopping or whatever, but not sex".

Someone could get fired over sexual harassment, so please be careful. No more letters, no more e-mails. My advice is "use the office to make money, find your guy-friend by doing activities you enjoy and meeting like minded people." Best wishes

Answer 6

You feel stupid because you came on to him. I'm sure he was not at all just joking about the sex talks. His conscience started to get to him for even the thought of being with you so the best thing for him was to blame you. Move on and like he said the only conversation you should have with him should be work related only.

Answer 7

that really sucks! It was obvious and apparently it was easiest for him just to ignore it. I dont think something like this should ruin a friendship. and if the friendship does have to stop then end it on good feelings not a fight. It sounds like his situation with his girlfriend is difficult so this situation with you prob just overwhelmed him. What you want is of course important but the end result is gonna come from him. If you want to keep the friendship give him a little time to cool down then tell him how you feel.. Just try to go easy on him cuz if he likes you bcak im sure he is insanely confused at the moment and maybe even feeling guity.

Answer 8

Well, I think the two of you need to be a little more mature about the situation. IT seems like you're being way more mature about it than he is, but that's ALWAYS the way of it. I think you should try going up to him at work, sincerely apologize, and ask if the two of you can get some lunch or coffee or something to talk about it. I think he likes you, but feels guilty about it, which is why he accused you of being weird. It's nothing that two friends can't talk out.

Good Luck.

Answer 9

You feel stupid because you were flirting with a man who had a girlfriend that you were aware of you. You flirted to the point that you actually discussed having sex. You then threw cold water on the idea and blamed him. Now, you are wanting to start flirting again.

Dear, there is a name for girls that do this sort of thing, and it isn't a nice one. I'd suggest you do exactly as he says and move on. He's apparently already learned his lesson and wants to keep clear of you.

I'd suggest you learn from this and stay away from men who are in relationships in the future. You will be much happier.

Answer 10

That sounds very familiar (has experienced this sort of thing in a lesser sense)...

Anyways, I think you ARE being a little clingy and obsessive - because of your feelings. Girls tend to think rash when they find someone they like.

So - back off and see if he makes the first move (if he wants to rekindle your relationship). If he doesn't, move on. Continue to ignore him or he'll think you're obsessive again.

He might actually be acting on his fiance's orders. If not, he's a total jerk and you SHOULD get a new guy.

Answer 11

You should ignore him. I know you like him but move to something else. He is obviously taken. You should never try and get with a guy that's already taken. Why? People that break up with other people to go out with another don't know what they want. Plus who is to say he would not do that to you. Now he thinks you are weird for being nice and considering his feelings by apologizing to him. He is the one that's weird for thinking you are.