Guest list advice...?

Question

How do you establish a guest list!? Do you invite people that you haven't talked to in a year or so, or do you just invite people that you still talk to. I can't imagine inviting all the people from my past, but I feel like I have to, because if they found out I got married and didn't invite them, they would get mad...help?!?!

Thanks for all the great advice! That makes me feel better!!

Answer 1

First, the closest friends and family you both have. If the number is still low, expand to extended family and friends. With this number determine if you can have the wedding you want with this many guest on your budget. If you can afford more, add more. If you can't afford this many, narrow down the list.
Most people understand if you say, "I would have loved for you to be there, but the budget and space just didn't allow." You will get the few that will get hurt, as I did, but I just apologized and said it was close family and friends. If you haven't talked to them in more then a year, then your not "close".
It's your wedding. Don't let people you have limited time with make you feel guilty or change what you have planned!

Answer 2

Dont feel that you have to invite everyone that you know. Believe me, this is not something you should be stressing out about. When I got married, I had the same problem. What if someone finds out, then they are going to get mad. Well, I figured if I havent talked to them in a long time then what is the point of inviting them. It wasnt that I didnt want them there at all, but we had a budget and I choose to only invite those that Im really close with and keep in touch with on a regular basis. I told some of them that it was just a small wedding with family. They did understand. Invite the people that you really want to be there and watch you get married. Dont stress!!

Answer 3

First off, you and your fiance sit down and figure out how much you can spend on the wedding. Then you kind of figure out the style of the wedding you want, and a ballpark number you may be able to afford. Then, at the meeting with both sets of parents, the guest list is one thing you all discuss.
No, you don't invite all the people from your past. Start with close family, and work out from there... Your parents might want certain people invited you may not even know, but go with that, because you must realize they have been to a lot of weddings over the years and need to reciprocate.
Good luck and have fun planning!

Answer 4

We figured out how much money we had to spend on the reception, and then the guest list kind of took care of itself. We knew we could afford no more 100 people (preferably 90) at the venue and menu we wanted. So, we figured in immediate family and close friends, then people from work. By then, we'd reached 90, so we stopped. We knew we'd need a little room for people that we later decided we should invite (like the dad of my fiance's life-long friend and the mom of my life-long friend). With this, we didn't even get as far as extended family (no cousins, just a couple of aunts and uncles), so never mind friends and acquaintances that we don't see on a regular basis. First figure out what you can afford, then decide the length of the guest list. Unless they're close family or close frineds, people don't get upset that you didn't invite them to your wedding when you haven't seen them in a long time, so don't worry about that.

Answer 5

I agree with the 1 year rule, but I would make exceptions for family because I don't get to see the ones that live far away very often. I think the first place to start would be your Christmas card list. These are the people who are the most important to you usually. Then add or cut depending on your budget and what not. I would probably send out a wedding announcement to those you could not invite though.

Answer 6

This is a tough dilemna, and you're not alone.

The first thing you should do is just write names down as they come to you. Friends, family, co workers, etc. This will NOT be your final list. As you make your plans, you will have to cut this list. If you have 500 names on your list, but your ceremony and reception spaces will only allow 200, then 300 of those people HAVE to be cut.

And you do not have to invite everyone you've ever met in your life, you don't even have to invite distant relatives. People understand that hosting a wedding is a very expensive proposition, and there is no way anyone (unless you're Bill Gates or Donald Trump) can invite everyone they would like to. There's just not the $$, and eventually, you have to say "enough!"

If someone is petty enough to get upset over it, and you haven't spoken to them in over a year, don't worry about it. They obviously aren't that close a friend anyway, especially if you haven't spoken to them in over a year, right?

Answer 7

After you've established how many people you want there, then start assembling your guest list. There will be the most obvious ones, yes, but go with your gut. People have to understand that you can't invite everyone you've ever met, and some people that you really care about won't be able to make it. You have to not think about every-ones feelings at this time. Think about yours, your DH to be's, and try not care what everyone thinks. Trust me, I went thru this 6 months ago. If people are really upset about not being invited, and get angry with you, how important are they in the first place? Another thing to think about is who is there for the party, and who is there to really support you in the beginning of your new life. Ultimately, you know who really means a lot to you, and if that's what you think about, you'll be satisfied in the end.

Answer 8

When inviting people to a party/wedding, I usually do the "year rule." If I haven't talked to or seen you in a year's time, then you aren't invited.

They won't get mad. Probably most of them are also married and didn't invite you. And if they do get mad, that's their problem. You can't invite 1100 people to your wedding! A line has to be drawn somewhere.

Answer 9

Most likely, you, your fiance, and both your families will be contributing names to the guest list, and each party will have his or her own ideas about who is necessary and who can be eliminated.

Start by setting a goal for your list size. This can be based on your budget, on space limitations of the site you want to use, and/or on any other factor that's important to you.
Have everyone involved in the inviting submit a list of the people they'd like to attend. They should rank the names in order of importance, starting at the top.
Compare the lists and cross off any duplications.
Add up the names that are left and compare that number with your goal. If your count is over the limit, determine how many names you need to eliminate.
Then, have each person cut an assigned number of names, starting from the bottom of his or her personal list.

It can be tempting to limit your list by not inviting your single friends with guests — and that's just fine, if they truly are single. But if they're married, engaged, living with someone, or in a long-term relationship, you must invite their significant other (yes, even if you've never met him or her). Not only that, but you should include the significant other's name on the invitation — don't just write 'and Guest' if there's a specific person in your friend's life.

Including children in your guest list is an entirely personal choice. Some couples couldn't imagine getting married without their adored nieces and nephews in attendance; others don't want the sticky little rugrats anywhere near their elegant affair. Children's meals are often less expensive than adults', but kids do take up as much space — or more, if you set aside a play area for them. Not inviting children can be an efficient way to eliminate an entire block of guests, and though some parents may be offended, they shouldn't expect you to invite their kids. (Just be sure to apply the decision uniformly, and don't make exceptions.)

You probably spend more waking hours with your office-mates than with your future mate, but does that mean you need to invite them all? Don't worry — unless you're close enough friends that you already socialize outside of the office, they probably don't expect it (and may even be glad not to have to give up a Saturday night).

If you do decide to invite coworkers, remember that you'll need to invite their spouses or significant others too, as described above. And if you don't invite them, stop bending their ears about wedding plans all day!

One way to make sure you invite as many people as possible but don't exceed your desired number is to have a back-up list of people you invite only after you receive regrets from your primary list. This means you need to send your A-list invitations out eight to 10 weeks in advance. Have the B-list mailing ready so as soon as you start receiving negative A-list replies you can drop them in the mail.

The only real downside to this approach is the risk of hurt feelings if a guest realizes he or she wasn't a first choice. To avoid this, make sure nothing on the invitation or envelope indicates A or B, and don't send out any invitations too close to the wedding date.

Answer 10

To cut cost, only invite people that are important to you. You could invite your neighbors and your kindergarden teacher if you had an unlimited budget, but it's just not the case. People that were not invited will understand if you explain that there were only so many ppl that you could afford. If they get mad then they really weren't important to you anyway.