sexual problems only serious people please!?

Question

okay, this is weird to talk about but...
At age 5 I was raped.
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, I have been intimate with him countless times and he was not my "first". I don't know when it started but I keep having flashbacks to when I was 5. Not just during sex...all the time. I can't sleep with my boyfriend anymore..I just am not interested because of these scenes that pop into my head. I feel really bad but I cannot help it. He's a young guy so obviously he wants the affection hes used to getting from me but I am not ever in the mood to be affectionate. This is a real psychological problem here. I am at a loss as to why this is happening, why now! What can I do? Is this normal?

Answer 1

It is a mental disorder called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). You need to see a therapist to work on it. The same thing happened to me, and it will not get better until you get the proper help that you need. It can lead to other mental health issues if you do not go.

Answer 2

Does your boyfriend know about what happened? He may be more understanding of what you are going through if he knows what you are feeling, so maybe you won't be worried that the two of you are not being sexual (I say that, only because it seems like while you are scared regarding your memories that are popping up, you are also concerned that you both won't be intimate again). Do you remember anything about, possibly, when the flashbacks started? Did something happen that set your memory off? Did you know about the abuse before these memories (im sorry if that sounds insensative, sometimes people don't remember)? Is your relationship getting really serious? Have you had a serious relationship before? I would really recommend going to a professional to talk about the rape. I don't know how much, if any, counselling you received after the indicent(s) but you definately need to talk to a professional because you are so scared, that isn't a good thing! You can get through this, it's understandable that you are so confused. It could be late onset of post traumatic stress, I am not sure, but I would speak to someone who is specialized in abuse cases.

Answer 3

There are so many issues here and no quick fixes I'm afraid. If we can begin with the most significant part of you life right now, your boyfriend, I think it is time to have a very frank discussion with him about the processes involved in resolving the issues. It will take a strong commitment from him and reassurance that he will be there through a process that will be lengthy and difficult at best. Armed with that reassurance, both you and your boyfriend should seek counseling. These are very painful issues and you may only have scratched the surface emotionally. Only professional help can get you through this and only professional help with get you and your boyfriend through this together. To your question of "Is this normal", the answer is that it is common for people to react the way you did and to the question of whether or not the molestation is normal, the answer is no. The guilt you associate with this event should be addressed. None of this can be the fault of a five year old, but the resolution lies in the hands of a 51 year old woman now taking charge of her own destiny. Best of luck.

Answer 4

Your flashbacks are completely normal given your traumatic experience. I don't know if you have heard of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), but it is a condition that happens after people experience traumatic or life-threatening events. Flashbacks are one symptom of this - I am not suggesting that you are suffering from the whole condition, only a counselor can do an assessment and tell you. You might want to seek counseling to help you work through this, from someone who is experienced in sexual abuse issues. Here are a few sites to get more information. I would also recommend doing a search on the internet and/or amazon. A couple of good books: The Courage to Heal (Bass & Davis) and Trauma and Recovery (Herman).

www.apa.org (American Psychological Association)
www.webmd.com (WebMD) - also the section on sexuality and sexual health
www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/ncdocs/fact_shts/fs_child_sexual_abuse.html

Answer 5

Have you ever undergone any therapy for what happened to you? Even if you have, it would probably be a good idea to seek therapy now.

There are many different reasons why this could be coming back to you now. Maybe you saw or heard something - even at a subconscious level - that reminded you of what happened. Maybe there was something about the way your boyfriend was touching you? It could even be something like guilt - do you somehow blame yourself for what happened or think it makes you unworthy of your boyfriend?

Whatever the reason, a good psychologist should be able to help you work through what's happening.

The one thing I would recommend is being honest with your boyfriend so he knows what's going on. If he's an understanding guy he'll realize it has nothing to do with him and he'll be supportive.

Answer 6

The best advice ANYONE can give you is to go to a counselor, and talk about it. You might not even need to go to the counselor maybe just talking to your bf about it could help. When you are in the moment stay there focus on your bf find ways to keep from having the flashbacks get involved maybe role playing could help that way your mind is involved the whole time. If all else fails get PROFESSIONAL help it wont go away over night and I doubt it is something you can just forget about chances are the harder you try to forget the bigger the problem gets.

Answer 7

this is absolutely normal, however that does not mean you can solve it yourself , you should try tgetting proffesional help and talk to your boyfriend im sure he loves you and will understand, the same thing happened to me when i was 17 and it was hard because me and my bouyfriend had always planned to lose our virginity with eachother and i was raped while i was with him, it was really tough on both of us but we have been together 4 years now and were getting through a day at a time. sometimes im not in the mood to even be touched but i also remaina ffectionate for him and in turn he understands me just get help if it gets really bad and dont feel like your alone or weird this is more common then you might think good luck

Answer 8

I think you will be okay, it sounds like you a smart girl and I think you can work this out.

The only suggestions I have is to start slower, you have to eventually replace the memories of when you were 5 with the memories that you create now.

I think thats the best route becuz if you don't replace those "first" memories with happy ones, than you will constantly be flashback to those.

So start slower, maybe don't have sex right away, but maybe just kissing all over, or maybe oral for you or him. These kind of acts will only make sex more interesting to you, and hopefully by then you will have accumulated so newer memories to fall back on when you start thinking about sex.

>big hug<

take care of yorself.

Answer 9

I knew someone in the exact situation you're in currently... Intimacy became a real issue, as did every day life. Things became so hard for her she started to withdraw from society, and at that time I recommended she try EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy. I tried it in high school for an anger-management exercise (going into it with no hopes for success mind you) and was actually surprised with the results. It helps you draw out the negative thoughts in your mind so you can properly deal with them in an orderly fashion. EMDR was designed for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which, in your case, could ring true. What you are feeling is normal, and it can be helped. The following is the website that can give you all sorts of information. Hope it helps.

Answer 10

what is happening to you is probably very normal for someone who suffered such a traumatic event as a child. you would do best to seek professional help to deal with this.

i am not a professional, but my advice to you would be to explain to your current boyfriend just what is going on, so that he understands your recent lack of affection. this may be hard, especially if you never told anyone about this incident before. (chances are you never did, because you were made to feel responsible/guilty for it, or the rapist threatened to hurt your loved ones if you told.) then you might want to try a rape crisis hotline. they can probably point you in the right direction to find someone to talk to about this. an experienced, professional counselor can help you to work through your current problem which is caused by the childhood event.

it happened a long time ago, but something like this stays with you forever. i believe that talking to someone can help you to recover. good luck to you.

Answer 11

I'm just afraid with a question as serious as this, some people on here might give you horrible answers. They seem to be in "a mood" today so if you hear anything horrible, just let it go. I honestly believe the only thing you can do at this point is to go to counseling. You may need to go more than a few times but counseling can help if you have the right one helping you. I'm sorry you went through this....some people would say "get over it" but what you went through is so traumatic.....a child losing their innocense is so sad -- so so sad. Please talk to a counselor. Maybe someone on here has some education to help too but at the same time, you may need to dig deeper in your psyche to get through this, ya know?