Whenever I start to call my family, I get all anxious....afraid I'll say the wrong thing..I just can't do it..

Question

I worry I'll say the wrong thing or say something to make them mad at me. So I just avoid the whole situation....but I want to talk to them so badly.....They think I'm mad at them or that something's wrong because I never call.....but it's just me psyching myself out about the phone conversation......My hands are getting all sweaty right now just thinking about it....I know it's irrational, but I can't help it....My not calling is breaking my father's heart!......How can I stop this and have normal phone conversations with my family?

LOL......sounds like a Dear Abby letter.

Answer 1

You have to stop the CYCLE.
Many times we get into repetitive behaviors and the cycle must be broken or it can continue a very long time ruining relationships.
We treat family members totally different that we treat our friends or people we know and people we meet. We feel comfortable to talk a certain way or treat them differently.

Really meditate on what type of family relationship you want. Work it out in your mind by meditating on it. What I mean is find a quiet place at least once a day and sit and dream up the best family situation. Make it how you want it. How you will act and how others in your family will act.

Having a good relationship with family requires maturity. If we are mature we treat each other respectfully and with love. For some people they have a hard time balancing this behavior and they let little things get in the way of their best behavior. Stop your cycle of fear to talk to them. Stop worrying what they will think of you. Stop causing yourself stress and be yourself. If they judge you, throw it under the bridge and move on. In other words, if you are an adult you are responsible for your own life, not your family. Take charge and let no one control you, manipulate you, or tell you how to live. No one not even your family.
How do you do this?
Call and talk anytime. Be normal and optimistic and happy. If the conversation ever turns to them telling you how to run your life, just casually tell them it is your life and you have it in control and change the conversation back to pleasant things.
This takes work and will take patience at first and then it will become easier. Write down things to talk about so you dont get side tracked. Dont talk about the bad stuff going on in your life, keep it private. Only talk about the good.

You need a good relationship with your family. It is your responsibility to make it good. And if they are the problem help them understand you are your own adult making your own life. Once they see you can handle yourself, mature and making good decisions they will treat your differently.

Work on it, a loving family is worth it and the stress is so bad for your health.

Answer 2

Maybe this could help...plan what you want to say.Ask questions that will keep them talking...like (How is everyone ?What have you been up to ?Have you seen So and So ?) This way you are listening and they are talking.You can put in some (Ohs and reallys) so they know you are following along. And before you get into a chat say something like (Mom...it's Brandy.I only have 5 minutes,then I have to be someplace....how are you ?) This way you put a time limit on the phone call.When you see that 4 minutes are up say that you really have to go now or you will be late.It takes some people at least a minute to say good bye.Be firm that you have to hang up.Say (I really have to go ,but I'll call again soon.Love to all of you !) and hang up. Done all over and you were only on for 5 minutes. And every so often send a card that you write a few things in. I know that you can do it.

Answer 3

Hello ' brandy ' :
We must have bought a ticket for the same boat !
I don't make phone calls very often , either .
Unfortunately , my Mom can get me upset because she can't stop telling me " what to do " and how I should run my life . We usually end up in an argument and one of us slams down the phone in disgust . It's truly a shame that we act like this .... and it puts distance between us . It bothers me a lot .
If arguments are not an issue between you and your folks , then , MAKE THE CALL !
I don't know if you've heard the song , " Everybody's Free ( To Wear Sunscreen ) " , by Baz Lurhmann , but , one line in this song is , ' Do something every day that scares you ! ' . It's a good tune . Download it .
I think the biggest factor , in your situation , is that if you love your parents .... then , keep in touch .
Obviously , your Dad is missing you a great deal . Maybe , the more often that you phone home .... the easier it'll get .
If you don't call , your nervous condition won't change .

Answer 4

Just do it...some things in life are never going to be easy, the longer you put it off, the more psyched you get about it.

Pick it up, dial the phone and start the conversation out with something like....It's been so long since I talked with you, are you ok?

That way, they have to do the bulk of the talking first and you can calm down.

They are family....not the inquisition.

Answer 5

You may have an obsessive-compulsive and/or anxiety disorder for which you may need professional help. If it doesn't reach this level, try writing a list of topics that you would like to discuss with your family before you call, and then stick to the list. There are always people that we just know that we're probably going to piss off eventually, but you can try to avoid potentially anger provoking conversation.