Giving her the silent treatment.?

Question

Usually when my wife decides she's against an idea, that's the end of it. So the day before yesterday when I brought up something that, even though not perhaps a huge deal in the great scheme of things, is important to me at the moment, she simply dismissed it right off. The whole conversation took about 15 seconds.

And that's the last conversation we've had. Yesterday was her day off but I ignored her all day. Usually we always hug and kiss every morning before going to work/school, but not this morning. We didn't exchange any words at all, and probably won't tonight either as she'll be home late and I intend to be asleep.

I don't believe giving the silent treatment to your spouse solves anything, it's rather cruel really. But I am just mad at her, and I am mad at myself for being mad. Talking to her now would just result in a big fight, which would not change the way either of us feel.

I guess I could apologize, pretend I'm not angry, just bottle it up. But what good is that?

Answer 1

To tell you the truth i would prefer the silent treatment over a big fight. Sometimes fighting with your significant other seems like a no win situation, damned if you do..damned if you don't. Try to talk to her and tell her how you feel without a confrontation. Tell her what you wrote here, that its not a huge deal but her reaction makes you feel bad. Give her a hug and kiss and then apologize for the silent treatment then tell her why you acted that way. I think communication is key in any relationship and don't bottle it up thats not good cause all those little things add up and then you resent her, stop trying and instead of the silent treatment you'll yell at her. Im sure your wife is a reasonable woman and cares for you so i think she will listen to you if you tell her how her actions make you feel. its can get really hard at times to try to communicate without fighting but its worth it, for you and her. So just be honest and tell her how you feel and that you would like more communication between you guys.

Answer 2

You are absolutely right about the silent treatment. That is totally nonconstructive, but you can use it to your advantage in this situation. What your wife is doing is just as nonconstructive and hurtful to you.

Sit down with her and tell her that the two of you are not communicating well. Tell her that you feel that she disregards your ideas without even giving them a chance and it hurts you. Tell her that the silent treatment has been awful for you, but you were not sure how to have a discussion with her that did not turn into an argument.

Tell her that you do not like the arguments and would rather be able to talk to her about your ideas. Remind her that just because you discuss an idea that does not mean that you have to follow through on it.

Take care,
Troy

Answer 3

It's a guy thing, I do it all the time to avoid pointed questions. All the women I know are really persevering though, they keep asking and asking what the problem is and I keep avoiding it so in the end nothing gets solved. What ever you do, don't do the "Why are you looking at me like a hurt rabbit?" and "Aren't you going to answer?" thing. He probably won't know what to say and just keep up the silent treatment. It's just time to play with the things in the garage and to fix the sink he's been meaning to fix tomorroww for three years.

Answer 4

Why are you mad at yourself for being mad? You're obviously upset. Why would you apologize for your feelings? Why would you bottle it up??? I think you need to bring it up again, let her know how you feel and try again. If you feel strongly about something (I don't know what it is but unless it's something totally off the wall) then don't give in to your wife. A marriage is 50/50 and that means you get to make decisions too! It's okay to disagree and be mad at each other. The important thing is to be able to grow from the experience and deal with things better the next time. It's very passive to be afraid when your wife gets mad. I've never understood it. So what, she's mad. Are her feelings more important than yours? I think not. Get your balls out of her purse and fight for what you want. She might actually LOVE you more for it. I know that when my husband wants something that I don't understand at the moment, I love it when he puts his foot down. I love it when he proves me wrong. Be who you are. If you give in on every detail of life when you're married you'll never be happy. Good luck :)

Answer 5

I think there's another possibility here. You talk to her and insist on being listened to. The two of you should have a partnership here. She shouldn't just dismiss you and you shouldn't bottle up your feelings. My husband and I used to be like this (he was the one dismissing) I still talk to him about things but when he blows me off I make it clear that the matter is not closed, that I could do it myself if I wanted to, and that I am talking to him about it out of respect and courtesy. Talk to her about necessary things and be polite enough to say goodbye or hello. But don't apologize or bottle up your feelings. Take a few days to decide how important this issue was to you and how to go about discussing it further with her. If necessary tell her you want to go to counseling or something. DO NOT ignore your feelings, it will cause bigger marriage problems that are harder to deal with. The idea here is to resolve this in a way that causes the least amount of resentment between you two.

Answer 6

That wouldn't be any good at all. Your anger is justified. If she doesn't respect you and your thoughts enough to even consider them then there is a problem here.
The silent treatment is immature and you know that but sometimes it's better to let things be for awhile until you are able to express what you're feeling without yelling.
Talk to her. Tell her how her dismissive attitude makes you feel. If it were me, it would make me feel less like a partner and more like a child that she gets to make rules for. That's not a marriage.

Answer 7

Every human being want to be heard. No one wants to be summarily dismissed like that. She was very disrespectful of you. You are right.. the silent treatment does nothing, but perhaps it is buying you time to calm down.
I suggest that when you calm down completely... find a peaceful time to sit down and talk about this. It may not be about that specific request, but her dismissal of you. I would be screaming inside. I imagine that if you push this down and don't deal with it, you will continue or even escalate your passive aggressive pattern of expressing yourself. That will help no one... esp. you.
I believe that everyone deserves to be heard.....EVEN if it's about something silly or trivial..... dismissing someone like that is so demeaning. Stand up for yourself in a calm and loving way.

Answer 8

No don't bottle up anything, that causes resentment which in turn chips away at the relationship. You guys need to talk before more problems pile up and then your back on this board asking about Divorce procedures and who gets what.

Break the silent treatment.

Answer 9

i know from personal experience that being ignored is worst thing that can be done to someone thats why i never do it. my ex husband used to do it all the time for the most trivial of reasons one time he didnt speak to me for 3 weeks over something so trivial that i cant even remember what it was if i went in the lounge he went in the bedroom, and vice versa he didnt come home for meals until he decided it was time to make up. needless to say we are not together now, what made it worse is that we lived abroad and i had no family nearby. now i make a policy of never doing that to anyone just swallow your pride and make the first move.

Answer 10

Try talking, not fighting. She needs to change her ways but she won't if you don't tell her how unfair her way of dealing with things is. Your way isn't good either although I understand your frustration. Communication is the key to a long lasting relationship.