I am serious. My guy is fanatical about NOT getting married, how do i get him to change his mind and in what suttle ways can i do or say things to persuade him to get over hiscommitmentphobia
2007-08-21 14:26:37 · 20 answers · asked by jen mcg 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
ok i have read amny responses and feel like everyone has alot of good ans bad points. the fact of the matter is i am in my 30s he is in his 40's, we live together for 2 1/2 years, i have been married beofre and he has not. I have 2 kids and he loves them but doesnt desire to have any of his own, becuase ofage. I have known him for 19 years as a friend and have been dating him for 5 years. He claims -why get married if we arent going to start a family. i told him i need that security that a wife would have, for ex. the house we live in is technically his-that i dont go sinking money into a house that isnt mine, that if anything would happen tohim that insurance wise i would be his benefiicary, his wife, etc. its not that i believe he is keeping his options open, he is scared, he has seen many friends go through tough relationships.
2007-08-22 00:44:17 · update #1
He doesn't want to get married. That's pretty much the end of the story.
If you're so set on marrying you should probably move on and find someone who is. This isn't some problem on his part he's being honest with you. At least he isn't lieing to you and scheming behind your back on Yahoo Answers.
...
2007-08-21 14:30:41 · answer #1 · answered by elurle 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Many guys who have been married/divorced are now refusing to get married again. Look at Gene Simmons of Kiss---he proclaims that he has been 'happily unmarried for 23 years' but devoted to his longtime girlfriend and their kids...Gene has also said 'why should I get married?Just so that you can take 1/2 of what I own if you decide to leave the marriage---hell no!! I bust my butt to make a living and buy anything that I want. If you try to take it and any money from me, I will spend down to my last dime to make sure that you don't get a penny of it'.....He said all this on a tv talk show recently, and all of the guys in the audience applauded and went crazy while the women looked down and shook their heads no....It's the fault of the courts for screwing over guys for many years---this is what is happening now because of it....
2007-08-21 21:51:49 · answer #2 · answered by Diggs 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This may be hard to hear but, when he's ready....he's ready. And right now he's not, that would be the worse to marry someone who trully was not ready to be married. Maybe he still has a wondering eye, who you want to be married and he cheats on you? Or down the road he just ups and says he can't do it anymore? I think if you trully feel he's "the one" then wait it out, see what he's really looking for. Is there something within youyr relationship that he feels still is missing, if so then it should be addressed.
2007-08-21 21:34:31 · answer #3 · answered by AP 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's one thing you'll never change someone's mind on. If they're not the marrying type, they're not the marrying type. If one person wants to get married and the other does not, it's best to break up (preferably sooner rather than later). That way, you can go away and find someone who does want to get married and your boyfriend can go find a whole parade of partners who just want to be used up and thrown away.
2007-08-21 21:38:30 · answer #4 · answered by Theodore H 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I was in that situation, I told him: "Fine. You aren't ready to get married. That's ok. But, I'm going to date other guys because I want to be married. I don't want to play house with someone who is never going to marry me."
You can't make him want to marry you, you can just move on with your own life. If he doesn't get jealous about you wanting to date other guys, then he doesn't care enough about you for you to be wasting your time with him.
Do you ever watch Dr. Phil's show? His wife, Robin, told him the same thing after they had dated for 2 years. She told him that if wasn't ready to be married, she was done dating him, and that she was going to begin dating others. He came crawling back a few months later.
If your boyfriend doesn't come crying back, you're lucky to not be married to him.
He could be marriage-phobic because he knows things about himself that aren't compatible with marriage that you don't know about yet.
2007-08-21 21:40:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, now we have more information about your situation. You and your boyfriend know each other really long time. You gave him more than enough time to get to know you. My answer is basically same. I know you want to marry him, but it is not your job to make him change his mind and get over with his commitment phobia. If he does not want you to leave, he will not let you go and get over with his commitment phobia.
Reverse psychology on this guy? I am sorry to tell you this but I don't think he will change.
2007-08-21 21:46:37 · answer #6 · answered by an ordinary girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry if he does not want to committ to something like that, that should be a red flag for you to leave this guy in the dust. staying with him is only going to hurt you in the end, ruin your dreams of marriage and family. get rid of this guy before he damages your hopes anymore. some guys need a push and telling him to commit or your gone, may just be the thing to change his mind if he really loves you.
2007-08-21 21:33:17 · answer #7 · answered by bootleg 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Committing takes time. Are you ready to marry him now? Or are you in love enough to wait? Let him see that maybe you're the one, and maybe he will get over the phobia. Stuff like that really takes time. Don't try to use reverse psychology. You never know how he may feel about it all later on.
2007-08-21 21:32:28 · answer #8 · answered by TegLover 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
DONT DO THAT! Unless u want the fastest way outta the relationship. His fear isnt commitment, he's afraid of, he's afraid of divorce. It probably happened a lot in his family, and he probably doesnt it to happen to hiim, so he doesnt want marriage. U can still have kids, and a happy life, just not a married one.
2007-08-21 21:38:56 · answer #9 · answered by Meh. 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Please Don't.
I had a girl once try to use reverse physcology on me and it did not turn out well, see she thought that the more she rejected me then the more I would want her and at the end she could have me wrapped around her finger, well that coulda worked at first, but she did it too long, and to make a long story short, I beat myself, became bulemic and tried to kill myself...
Mind Games are not fun.
2007-08-21 21:31:15 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋