I have genital herpes....?

Question

I was dating my ex for about a year and a half, and I had always had the suspision that he might have been cheating, but I never had proof. So, as anyone would have done, I just tryed to think positive and let it go. Until one day I got a really painful sore in my genital area. The next day, I went to the doctor and he said that more than likely I had genital herpes, but he would send my results off anyways to make sure. Well about what seemed like a lifetime later, I got the results the next week. And it was not good. I cryed so much for about 3 months straight. So many things were running through my head, but all's I could think about was how could he have done this to me! I was so faithful to him, and I should have just went with my gut feeling about it. The doc said that you can start getting visable signs of genital herpes from 1 to 10 days of contact with it. So now I'm faced with the situation of telling everyone I date about it. Trust me its not easy. Can anyone relate??

Answer 1

There are TONS of people who can relate to you, including me. You are certainly not alone!

I have had genital herpes for 6+ years. I contracted it from a guy who didn't tell me he had the virus.

It is difficult to tell new partners that you have the virus, but once you tell them it's a HUGE relief. I have dated several guys over the years and not one of them has ever ran away screaming after I told them what I had. I dated one guy for almost 4 years and he never even contracted the virus from me! I also dated a guy for a little while who also had genital herpes. Right now I'm with a great guy (my fiance) who loves me for ME, virus and all.

There are GREAT guys out there who can look past the virus, and she you for who you are!

Don't worry, it's hard right now, but it will get better! Just take it a day at a time. Don't let the virus control you and who you are. There are MILLIONS of people out there just like you and I.

Take care!

Answer 2

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Answer 3

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Answer 4

I can also relate. I've had herpes for 5+ years. And yes, about the first 6 months I couldn't quit crying. I didn't get it the same way you did, but it was equally as devistating. I was in college at the time, and got very depressed--I was a social drinker before, and a serious alcoholic after. Those were probably the worst 6 months of my life. BUT, I found someone who loved me, despite the stupid virus. We were together for 3 years and he never got it. I know it can feel like the end of the world, or at least the road, but it isn't. And as for telling the people you date, it never gets easy. My advice for that is to wait. There is absolutely no reason to tell someone that you are not getting physical with. Get to know someone before you tell them, make sure you can trust them with it. I have jumped the gun telling someone and had it come back and bite me--i.e. they told a friend who told a friend who told a friend and before I knew it, everyone knew. On the whole though, guys are really cool about it--but I've learned who to trust. Since the first year (I was 19 and very naiive, AND it took me that long to learn my lesson), I haven't had anyone run screaming the other way, or make me feel less of a person, and the guys who did were the wrong guys to tell. Do yourself a favor and check out the Center for Disease Control's website for some good facts and statistics. Educate yourself about the virus and ways to prevent it and the statistics that go along with it (if you use a condom with no visible signs or symptoms there is a 2% chance that a female will pass on the virus to male partner). Guys respond when you have facts to back up what you are saying. And you'll find that you feel better when you learn more about what you are now living with. At least I did. You are not alone. There are millions of people just like you and me.

Answer 5

I got diagnosed with herpes virus (type 2) about three yrs ago, when I was still attending college and had a foolish one-night stand. I understand a lot of people say this, but I swear I had never done that sort of thing before. I just made a huge mistake that one time and suddenly I felt like I was going to have to live with the consequences for the rest of my life. The hardest part was feeling I could never date men again. After all, who wants to go out with a girl who has sores round her private parts? But since a friend shared this video https://tr.im/SyCdQ everything got better.

Not only was I able to remove all remnants of the herpes simplex virus from my system in less than three weeks, but I was also able to begin dating again. I even met the man of my dreams and I'm so blessed to write that just last week, in front of everyone in a crowded restaurant, he got down on one knee and proposed to me!! This program provided the chance to be happy and experience true love again. Now I hope that I can help others too by sharing this story.

Answer 6

OK, just to put something at ease...the fact that you turned up with a case of genital herpes doesn't mean that your ex was cheating, or even that he gave it to you. Herpes can lie dormant for a long time, and can be transmitted when there is no obvious breakout.
That being said, herpes is one of the most minor STIs out there. It's not curable, but it's treatable, meds can make breakouts less likely, and risk of transmission -- it's a problem, but there are far worse ones out there.
Be up front and honest with any guy you've dated for long enough where sex is a consideration, and if he's a stand-up guy who's really in it for the long haul, he'll accept it. If he doesn't...well, it's his loss for not getting to be with you.

Answer 7

Yes, Stubbs, I can TOTALLY relate. I have VIN III. Also called carcinoma in situ. I have been for three surgeries so far and am about to undergo my fourth. The actual name is Vulvar Intra-epithelial Neoplasia, third grade. That means it is into the lowest level of the first layer. There are visible growths and they itch. They make sex uncomfortable. I will be fighting this for the rest of my life and it takes a person with a great deal of understanding to handle this disease IN THEIR partner.
I, too, wept when they told me that they would have to remove all the female parts down below. Including the clitoris. I just about gave in when I thought that I should seek a second opinion. The Gyno-oncologist that I have has performed laser surgery on me and has been moderately successful. At least now my buttocks are clear. I am hoping that the vulva will clear up soon, too. I have been looking at Aldara cream after my next laser, (these are like severe third degree burns, they leave a grand, gory mess and it feels like someone literally lit a fire underneath you butt.) I am hoping they are more successful in getting rid of it this time. If not, the Aldara is supposed to reduce the recurrence.
I just recently started dating again. I find that it is the only way to approach it. Honesty from the beginning. It is a lot easier to educate them than it is to try to explain after the fact.
Here is a link to explain this disease better.

Answer 8

My heart goes out to you it really does. A recent girlfriend (X-girlfriend now) gave me a STD . She knew she had it too. While being treated for it my doctor now says I have genital warts. It really is changing my life, but I'm going to make the best out of it. I was thinking no one is ever going to want to be with me. I thought no one is ever going to want to have a child with me. I thought I would die alone. That's not going to happen as long as I can help it.
The feelings I'm having now are the same someone else had to live through and maybe similar to what your feeling. There's a girl out there for me who needs me like I need her and one day I'll find her. I realize now I have the same approach to love as before just some things will change.
I hope this helps in some way, your not alone. I hope that you can see that your value as a person has not changed. Love yourself and others will want to love you.

Answer 9

I'm sorry for what you are going through. I know who gave me hsv2, I can even still tell you to w/in 2 days of when I got it! He knew he had it, he knew he was having an outbreak (his were mild so unless you were really looking for something it wasn't obvious!) and he had sex with me. I don't know if he intended to infect me, if he just want sex and said "hey I'll take the chance and maybe she wont get it", or if he just didnt care. At first I was just full of hate for him. Engulfed by hate and self-pity. That didnt last long though. I decided that I was okay. I didnt have something that would kill me. Other than having hsv I was healthy and happy. And I knew that holding on to hate for someone was useless. I would never know why he did it. And I just had to accept that for my own sanity. I realized it wasnt the end of the world. In a lot of ways it made me a better person. I realized I was aLOT stronger than I thought I was. It gets easier. As for dating, it's not that bad. I am married now, for 3 yrs, to someone who still doesnt have it. He's never thought of me as any different for having it. Having hsv is just that---it's something you Have, not something that HAS you. It's not who you are. Dont forget that.

Answer 10

Hey you! Im sorry to hear u have herpes i know half of wat ur going throw i myself have herpes just found out few weeks ago. My boyfriend and i broke up and i got with someone else and i had sex with him and sure enough i found out 6months later i got herpes i kept thinkin it was ingrown hairs or something. Look i know its hard to fase and sometimes its a lil stressfull but keep ur head up. Because theres honestly nothing u can do about it so why beat urself up ova it..Ur still u in the inside.