I had sex with a woman with genital herpes what are my chances of contracting this?

Question

here are the facts... i wore a condom she gave me oral and i fingered her she told me she hasnt had a break out in a while...
also i really like her but this is something that is really freaking me out because i dont want herpes but i do want to be in love and she seems interested in me. i was recently blood tested and im clean 100% can i be with her and not get herpes or am i doomed to this virus?

Answer 1

I was with one ex for almost 4 years and he never got genital herpes from me. So, it is possible for one person to have the virus and the other not. It CAN happen.

But, I was with my fiance (boyfriend at the time) for only 2 months and he contracted the virus from me! I hadn't had an outbreak in over 2 years and he still got it from me.

Whenever a person has sex with someone who has genital herpes there is ALWAYS going to be a chance that the virus can be spread. NOTHING is 100% effective in preventing herpes (except abstinence). Condoms HELP, anti viral medication HELPS, not having sex while she is on an outbreak HELPS, but nothing is truly 100% effective.

You are just going to have to make a decision about whether or not you want to be with her. If you decide to leave then fine, but if you decide to stay then you have to know there is going to be a chance that you will contract the virus from her. My boyfriend (now fiance) wanted to be with me despite the fact that I have genital herpes. He loves me for ME, virus and all.

Herpes is always given a lot of crap and people work it up to be a HUGE deal when it's really not. It's estimated about 75 - 80% of the WORLD has cold sores (oral herpes) and about 25% of the wolrd has genital herpes. It is VERY common!

Take care!

Answer 2

"smduballstar" has the best answer so far. But here's my 2cents.
It's possible that you two could carry on a relationship (with or without condoms) maybe end up happily ever after and you may never catch it. If it stays in remission in her, you won't catch it. The problem is she may have a flare up and not even know it until it's too late. Most folks with herpes know when they're contagious. Using a condom adds to the safety. You have to be careful of any part of your skin that may have a break in it. A hang nail or a paper cut or if you bite the inside of your lip etc. etc... Your skin is actually a pretty good barrier to most viruses and bacteria. It's when these micro organisms find a door into you that the trouble begins.

You need to take a sober look at how you feel about this gal. I think the fact that she was up front with you about what she has is a sign that she's responsible and cares about people other than herself. There are tons of people who keep these things secret and just spread whatever they have.

By the way, to add a little perspective, Chicken Pox and Cold Sores are both caused by different strains of herpes viruses. Genital herpes is no fun (from what I've heard) during the flare ups, but people live long happy lives with it any way. If you like this woman, don't let this flaw be the thing that keeps you apart.

Good luck, dude.

Answer 3

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Answer 6

Your chances are very low. Condoms provide around 50% protection, and she is mainly infectious when she has an outbreak.

So you test blood negative for hsv1 and hsv2. Do you know what kind of herpes she has? If it is type 1, she is infectious altogether about 3-4% of the time, mainly when she is having an outbreak. She may rarely be infectious without symptoms, but only 1 in 4 people with hsv1 genitally shed the virus at all when there are no symptoms present. You would be much more likely to contract genital hsv1 from one of the 80% of the populaiton that carries the virus on their mouths through oral sex. That is how I got genital herpes. Hsv1 is much more infectious on the mouth.

Now for hsv2. Infectious about 16% of the time, mainly when symptoms are present. She can take valtrex to cut the risk in half again.

I think the risk with hsv2 using suppressive therapy and condoms is only about 2% for hsv2, lower for hsv1. Less than getting her pregnant using precautions... so no, you are not doomed to it. Many couples are together for many years without passing the virus to the uninfected partner. Though there is always a chance.

I had neither virus, my boyfriend hsv1 on his mouth. He used to give me unprotected oral sex quite regularly and just avoided when he had symptoms. I caught it in the end, but that was 7 years later. So passing is not automatic.

Remember how many people have herpes. 80% of girls have oral herpes, 25% have genital hsv2, and most of these people with herpes in either locaiton don't know they have it or won't tell you. Herpes is so minor in most people that 80% of people with it don't know they have it. It is easy to live with if you do get it. I thought it was the nd of the world when I got it but now it is just a minor nuisance, like getting a pimple perhaps.

Alli has the best answer by far, it is very accurate. Catching herpes is like throwing dice. There is an average calculable chance of say throwing three sixes in a row, but while one person might throw them first time, someone else might throw thousands of times without getting them. You could get herpes straight away, or never.

Don't let it out you of her. There are far worse things in life than herpes.

Answer 7

Is she taking anti-viral drugs? If not, she should be, especially if she plans on being sexually active with you. If you wore a condom and she wasn't having an outbreak, your chances of contracting herpes are pretty small. If you are really into her and want to have a relationship, you shouldn't let this stop you, but you should also be safe about it. The fact that she has herpes says nothing about her morality or even her promiscuity, as it is possible to get the virus from only one partner! Many virgins pick up an STI on their wedding night! About 50% of the sexually active population has HPV, but that doesn't necessarily make them immoral or overly promiscuous, it just means they weren't as safe as they should have been somewhere along the way.

Answer 8

I am absolutely terrified and I feel so alone. I just found out last week that I tested positive for hsv1 and 2. I have been with the same man for the past 10 years and within the last year found out that he has cheated on me with numerous women. I am so scared that I can give it to my children by kissing them and them eating with me...I feel like my whole life has changed. And even though the nurses, my doctor, and websites say that a lot of people have it I still feel like I am by myself. My self esteem has dropped and I feel like I have been used up. But now, My life is very happy.

Fast Acting Guaranteed Herpes Treatment?

Answer 9

If her virus was / is dormant, and there were no sores present, there's a good chance you may be OK. But don't go doing it again based on my quack theories!
But...if there were sores present, then WOW look out man. That stuff will be around longer than your luggage! Maybe by the time you're 50 or 60 the virus will burn itself out if you're lucky. But that's probably a long ways away I'm guessing?
In the time being, if you do notice some pain in your groin area, and it's sensitive to the touch, or small bumps on your penis that erupt into puss filled sores, try taking some 120 grit sand paper to the shaft until it's smooth.

Answer 10

If you do decide to stay with her I have read some research on the subject and if she takes supressive medication regularly you can cut your chances of contracting it WAY down. Forget condoms. Most people think they are helpful but the fact is that condoms dont stop herpes or HPV. I think its kind of sad that people who push condoms arent mentioning this.