What is the appropriate way to respond to people when they say something mean?

Question

Don't say to just ignore it, and don't say to say something mean back or to kick their 4SS. I want to be mature, but also put them in their place.

Answer 1

Be very very very polite to them. For example, it they tell you they are stupid, smile and say "well that may be so, but at least I am intelligent enough to learn and use manners". I agree with you, don't lower yourself to their level, but let them know what you think. This is what I do, and I always feel so much better after!
A politely sarcastic joke goes a long way too! Good luck!

Answer 2

Do a websearch for "Assertive Communication"

People do say mean things... a lot. And sometimes they actually mean the mean things that they say. But sometimes they are simply being thoughtless.

I find that one of the best things to do it simply say (without anger, but not with a shy voice, nor falsely loud so others can hear - just a normal polite speaking tone). "You know, that really hurts my feelings. Are you saying that to try to help me, or are you trying to hurt my feelings?"

It's possible that you'll get an even ruder statement - at which point, you know that this is someone that you don't need to be around - there really are good people out there that don't want to hurt others. You can simply chose something like "Ah, I see." (or some other 'ok, I heard you, now I'm giving it the credit it deserves' type polite statement). I would also get away from the person as quickly as you can politely and 'not running away' confidently do so - and stay away from them - they aren't good for you. If it's a sibling, take it as a matter of fact that siblings are like that and hope that they grow out of it.

But at other times you are going to get either an apology or a further explanation. Be courteous and take into consideration that they might be saying something that is true (or at least potentially useful) - but, then again, they could just be social morons. However, this is an indication that they are at least trying.

Finally, there are those that think that they are being funny by being insulting. They are looking for acceptance. They are probably used to trading insults as a bonding thing (think teenage boys). If you decide to 'play along' just make sure that your insults are funny and light and not an attack that will hurt them to the core.

I like the laughing at myself technique - but I generally avoid people that are looking for weaknesses in others. However, I spent time around people like that when I was younger (Jr High, some High School). But not much; it's not worth the time and stress.

If all else fails, watch "Point of No Return" with Bridget Fonda, there is a great line in it “I never did mind the little things.” If you haven't seen this movie, you should (it's a little violent, but a good movie nevertheless).

Answer 3

It all depends on the level of the insult. Two examples from my life:

I had a guy once put me down in front of business associates in a swank office in Fort Worth. When the meeting was over I told the errant fool, "The next time you insult me you will be unconscious before you hit the floor but I will call you an ambulance." I meant it and he knew it. The threat of direct physical violence did the job.

Another time I was at a gathering with about 12 friends. My wife told a story about an altercation I had undertaken that very morning, with a man who had molested her. He (the molester) had been rushed to the hospital and survived. One of the men among my "friends" then made the comment, "When are you going to get out of that crappy neighborhood you live in?"

I retorted, "I've been talking to my mommy about buying me a home in Lake Country Estates but she just said I had to be a man and buy my own damn house."

The protagonist with the smart mouth had a mommy who did buy his house for him. And everyone knew it.

Neither of these shallow men ever put me down again. They knew that, in a battle of wits, they were unarmed. And the last thing they wanted to do was test their pugilistic prowess against me.

Use your mind and wit to defend yourself, but be willing to back up what you say with an appropriate amount of violence. That's how it's done in Texas. I've never lived in California.

Answer 4

So be mature, make them feel bad, so that when you walk away you dont feel horrible about yourself they do and the, the #1 rule to life is to always feel good about yourself dont let anybody bring you down :) and act like you dont care what they say just say things like yeah whatever, or right back at cha... hoped i helped and good luck :)

Answer 5

well,believe me people never grow out of it,from grade school to the work place...I simple come right back at them,like well next time I plan on making a statement,I'll call and get your permission..and say it loud enough for everyone around to hear..they will stop...because just like grade school,they are usually jealous of you.

Answer 6

I try to be firm but polite. Even if they don't deserve it.

Last year, some guy looked at me and out of nowhere he said "I don't like you". I gave him a hard look and said "that's not a nice thing to say to someone". After that he left me alone.

Answer 7

Depends on the situation..

Sometimes I think it would be appropriate to say "Wow. That was uncalled for"... in which case the person either has to apologize, or stick to their mean comments.

Sometimes just looking at them with disapproval is enough.

sometimes, I have just said, "gee. I didn't realize you could be so mean".

people who say mean things don't like to be called out on it.

Answer 8

i have usually been a big sarcastic like saying thank you but i am surprised that was all you could come up with. have a nice day, smile and walk away. something on that order but never loose your cool.

Answer 9

jsut tell em what u think
haha ppl really HATE listening to an opinion that contradicts them
but also, dont let em know that they got to u, cuz most of the time that what they were trying to do. so u dont wanna give them the satisfaction of knowing the succeeded

Answer 10

It really makes them stop when you point out that they are mean.

Just say "You, my dear, are just a mean and hateful person."