When I was younger I was molested and now I am having really big problems initiating sex. I'm OK with it all now but there is something holding me back in the bedroom. I don't know what it is but I can't start sex. My poor guy has to start it everytime and he's getting really tired of it. I would really like to be able to initiate sex but am at a loss as to how to get over this fear that sex is wrong and by starting it makes me dirty or sluty. I just really don't want to loose my man because of my lack of lust in the bedroom. Please help.
2007-07-25 18:10:42 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
FIRST OF ALL IF HE LEAVES U CAUSE U DON'T INITIATE SEX--- HE IS TRASH!!!
second of all- i think you need to talk about what happened to someone who DOES NOT know you. like a therapist or counselor. i know that might seem awkward to do, but once you get it out in the open and really get this off your chest (even if u have been counseled before) you will feel better cause this time you are in a sexual relationship and it's a different time and you are a different person then when this happened.
God Bless you honey for having the nerve to talk about this and asking for help! I pray you feel better about YOU! and if your man doesn't like it, HE CAN TAKE A HIKE!
GOOD LUCK!!!
p.s. THIS DOES NOT SCAR U FOR LIFE!!! don't listen to anyone who says it does!
2007-07-25 18:16:33 · answer #1 · answered by the1andonlystory 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you haven't seen a therapist about being molest, find one pronto.
If you want to try on your own, start with cuddling or playing around, and try to work up to making out and finally sex.
And I know many women feel that sex is dirty or wrong, but its a perfectly normal thing to desire your man and express if physically. A good therapist can help you with a lot of those thoughts.
2007-07-25 18:15:39 · answer #2 · answered by i_have_cheese_dreams 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not to be a jerk, but this is something you will have to seriously work on. Being a sexual person is not wrong at all... it is how the human race has survived for this long. He obviously has strong feelings for you and even though you will not initiate, he is being patient with you. As a man, I really like when my girl "starts it" because it makes me feel like she really loves me and is SOOO excited to be near me that she wants to express it physically. Try to put the past in the past, and when the mood is right try working up to it slowly... if he thought you were a big slut, he would have booked a long time ago... PS, guys like a girl that will take charge and show them that they enjoy sex and that they want to please their man.
2007-07-25 18:23:20 · answer #3 · answered by slug4life 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, you are not to blame for what happened to you. That is why you feel dirty when you initiate sex. You are blaming yourself for what happened to you years ago. Being a sl*t is when you are that way with all guys. Being dirty is when you are having sex without any regard for your feelings, or the other person's feelings. When you love someone, wanting to share yourself with them is the natural thing to do. Your bf may feel that you are not wanting to share yourself with him, as he does with you. In order to do that you must be the one to show him how you are feeling first sometimes.
I know that it is difficult, because I was in your shoes at one time. Do try to force yourself a couple of times. When you see how happy it makes the guy you love, then you will feel much more comfortable about doing it. Just remember, it is okay to be aggressive in bed with the man you love. It is perfectly natural, and beautiful.
2007-07-25 18:30:42 · answer #4 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you were molested then thats really gonna scar you for life. i think what scares you now is the general idea of being molested, maybe you feel like youre the one molesting somebody by initiating sex therefore backing out. maybe you should try telling yourself that all that was in the past, and that everything is ok now. because it is. and if he really loved you, he wouldnt leave you for not starting sex and he would help you overcome this fear.
2007-07-25 18:14:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
When men say initiate- they don't need much. :)
Just wear a cute nightie and smile at him when you get in the bed. Then just lean over and kiss him...
That should be a simple enough starter for now.
2007-07-25 18:14:15 · answer #6 · answered by Christine H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont know how long its been going on but if he knows about your past and he knows what has happened he should understand and do it for you untill you get confortable to do it. i mean after you get going it cant be that bad right? ;)
2007-07-25 18:14:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
simple as simple can be.
when your getting ready to sleep, grab his unit.
and away ya go.
2007-07-25 18:13:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋