someone MATURE please help...?

Question

so me and my boyfriend just moved in together last week, and lately it seems to be that all we do is fight and not get along. and its not just little fights, its where one usually leaves. i know its not right, has anyone ever had a problem like this or know what to do? we have had our rough times, like any relationship, but not like this. its just not right, and i just feel like such a bad girlfriend... the fights are over stupid things to... help?

Answer 1

this is exactly why you shouldnt live with your significant other until you are married...it sounds like you two werent ready to move in together...good luck

Answer 2

Moving in together is a big step. Are you sure you were both ready for it? Maybe your boyfriend (or you for that matter)is having second thoughts about this next step, and it's manifesting in these arguments you've been having. How much time did you spend together before you shacked up? Even having breaks for a few hours a day or a couple days a week is a lot compared to when you're living with someone. It's definitely an adjustment, and I understand how little things that guys do can be SO annoying.

Personally, I am always struggling to strike a balance between speaking up when he is bugging me and holding my tongue. Sometimes if I just suck it up and ignore the things he does, I start to get angrier and angrier before something little sets me off and we get into a big fight. On the other hand, if I let him know each time he is doing something annoying, he feels like I am nagging him and then HE gets mad at me.

Give things some time, and try to just let things roll off your back for a while. Try to get a sense for when he needs alone time and give him his space; also realize when you might need a break too. It's only been a week, and hopefully since you've decided to live together you're both committed to putting in the extra effort into your relationship.

Oh, and you're not a bad girlfriend. All couples go through phases like this AT LEAST once, and it's never just one person's fault!

Answer 3

I can talk from experience. I am currently in a live-in situation with my boyfriend. I moved from NYC to Nashville, TN to be together. When we started dating last year, I had no idea what our future would hold, he's not from NY so we didn't know how often we would see eachother, but since we are, actually, in love, we decided to move together for his new job. His new job is based in Nashville, however it requires him to travel a lot during the year. So I basically live alone when he's away. We've had MANY fights together and not together. I've left before, he's left before. I've prevented him leaving before...blah blah blah. You need to take into consideration that you're living in closed quarters together, you realize things about living with someone you didn't realize before. Sometimes they're small things that can be overlooked, others are big red flags, or something you know can not be overcome. Most of my fights with my boyfriend are about significant things, but some of our big ones have been over something petty. You just need to let him have his space for a bit, let him cool off. You should also just sit down and evaluate the relationship with one another and see if moving in was the right choice. Hope this helped a little.

Answer 4

One of the most important aspects in a relationship is when you both are ready to move on. It truly is one of the most complicated and misconception factors in a relationship.

I'm sure when you guys first moved in, you probably felt like this was one of the most important factors in your lifetime. Why???? Well for one, you are with the love of your life(allegedly) and are supporting one another when it comes to helping out. But easy said than done, right??? I think one aspect that people don't understand is that sometimes(just sometimes) they don't get to understand and help one another. Fights are common in every relationship(everyone knows that) and what seperate fights from disagreement is, discrepancies. You might agree with something but he may not and so on. Couples tend to think that they can help each other but the matter of fact is we are accustomed with another because we are used to them. We don't see enough problems in our relationship because practically all the good times we have are the ones we remebered(not the bad ones). Therefore, we can be more protective, more conscious to what we are saying, more alert, etc. It's not that we can't get along but the problems we have are more realistic than we can ever imagine.

Secondly, living together plays a whole lot different than say living alone. You need to make some rules(if you have any), some tasks, some solutions towards your commitment. Sooner or later you will go to work and he too will go and that can change. It's not the same that when you are alone, you can do anything you want. Also, you guys share the house with you are currently living in. Not to mention the bills and financial status for you and your partner. It literally, requires alot of work and support to help one another get through it.

PS: To be honest with you, I think you're just experiencing what to expect. It's very, very normal. I'm sure you know that you guys are finally heading the right direction and making strives to it. But the biggest part is not to deal with it but handle it also. Respect and support are big words because for one it deals with the appreciation of one has and second, it deals with the assistance that one has also. Helping is a part of the process and the process takes a while. So, I don't think that you should be worry because sooner or later, you will realize what is the best for both of you.

PPS: I'm sure you guys talked about this before you moved. And I'm sure you didn't expect it. Believe it or not, communication is a step closer toward gratitude. Because without it, then what can you both work on?????

Answer 5

It sounds like you guys need to agree to sit down and have a long conversation. Agree on some ground rules first - no yelling, no screaming, no interrupting, NO LEAVING. You may need to seek counseling. It sounds like you were having problems before moving in together and the moving in didn't help. When did the arguements start? Why are you fighting more now? Did you move into a new place together or did you move to his place? There are a lot of things that go along with each of these scenarios and if you didn't talk about it first then you each have your own expectations and the other isn't meeting them.

Sit down and talk!!!

Answer 6

You are probably just getting used to living together. It is a big change for a lot of people. I know when I first moved with my boyfriend I had a hard time adjusting to his habits, etc. Just give it some time and it should start to calm down. If you feel like you are going to fight just try going to a different room. Don't continue to argue, just calmly say you're just going to give him some time alone. Usually if you just give eachother a few minutes of space you will get over the issue. I wouldn't worry to much, if you are living together you obviously have a strong relationship already. Now you just have to stay strong through this adjustment period. Hope this helps a little.

Answer 7

Maybe you moved in to quickly?? They say that you can't really tell how you truly feel about a person until you live with them. I would guess that sharing space is just making you guys get on each others nerves. You need to just try and sit down and have a mature talk and see where everything is headed. If, like you said, it isn't right, you need to let him know. It's probable that he's feeling the same way, so the best thing to do is just straight up tell him that thing's aren't working and there needs to be a change or an ending in the relationship.

Answer 8

Well your fights are probably over finances is my guess and not being able to do what you/ur bf wants to. Very easy solution talk calmly to each other and come up with a enthusiastic agreement. That is what you want to hear now here is what you don't want to hear- move out until you get married. Then you have a commitment and you won't be able to leave until things are resolved and also your bf will have matured enough to have an open-honest relationship. If you really want him then you should take a pre-marriage class with your pastor and you need to come to an agreement about your faith and if you are going to practice it. You should read some of my other answers and you will find books and authors that you need to research. good luck.

Answer 9

Hey, Well if the fights go to the point that someone leaves I wouldn't take it to the next level! Some people think they are made for each other and when they move in together it all goes away! Unless you tell what kind of fights you're having I can't really tell you what to do? Also what are you willing to cope with for this relationship? Are you really into him?...To the point of marriage? Is he a quick fling?

Answer 10

This is very common. You are use to your ways and so is he. Moving in together just makes them more clearer when your together all the time. Both of you still need your own space that you can be yourself. ( with friends or in the home) You need to tell him your concerns and try to work together or it will never work out. Both give a little. If its bad enough that one has to leave, either work it out or get out because you could fall into the trap. I did and had a kid and a divorce out of it. But hopefully you can work it out. Stupid fights will always happen, just learn to talk to each other. Thats the hardest part!!

Answer 11

Moving in together is a big adjustment for the both of you. When you live with someone you get to see them warts and all, so you need to both be able to let go of some of the stupid things and compromise. The first month or so is bumpy because you learn what each other likes to eat, how tidy (or not tidy) they are - it give you a whole new viewing you've never seen before.