Embarrassed that I'm turning 20 and have never had a girlfriend?

Question

I'm really worried that I'm nearly 20 and have never had a girlfriend. I'm shy and dont have many friends of either sex. I dont think I'm very attractive, and the more time that passes without one the less I think its likely to happen. I'm worried I'm unusual or not normal.

Answer 1

That sounds about right. Most people seem to get their first gf/bf in college.

If you want a girl friend, then you need to learn how to approach women and talk to them. It helps if you realize that rejection is no big deal; the opinion of just one insecure person does not determine if you are a good person or not. In other words, quit taking it personally whenever someone doesn't want to talk to you, or they otherwise react in a negative way to you. There are hundreds of reasons why they don't want to talk to someone right now that have nothing at all to do with you, or what you just did/said. Quit taking rejection from strangers personally. If they don't like you, then tell yourself that it is their loss, not yours, since they missed out on getting to know someone as nice as you.

It also helps your self confidence if you assume that most people are nice, and that they have no (good) reason not to like you. If you come across as confident, positive, funny, and happy, then of course most people will want to talk to you. If you come across as needy, desperate, shy, and/or no self-confidence, people will assume that something is wrong with you, and they will run away. To some extent, you do make your own reality when it comes to making friends. If you assume the worst, then you will get bad results because you will make it happen. If you assume the best, you will usually get good results, because you will make it happen. Your attitude will be contagious.

Also make sure that you maintain good eye contact whenever you talk to someone. This is a BIG one, especially when talking to girls. If you are talking to a girl, and you are a shy guy who tends to look down at the ground when you are talking to someone, then most girls will assume that either: (i) you are a pervert who is trying to look down her shirt at her boobs; (ii) you aren't paying attention; (iii) you are a loser who lacks self confidence; or, (iv) all of the above. If you must, stare at the bridge of her nose when talking (or try looking at just one (1) eye at a time) -- if this makes you less nervous than full eye contact. If you MUST break eye contact with her because you are getting too nervous, then do it by looking away horizontally, as if you were looking for someone else; NEVER look down! And another thing, if you are looking at someone across a crowded room and you accidentally make eye contact, do NOT do what most shy guys do -- do NOT immediately look away as if you have been caught doing something wrong (makes her think that you are a psycho stalker if you are afraid to look her in the eye). If you accidentally make eye contact with a stranger across the room, then keep looking at her eyes for as long as you can stand it, or until SHE looks away first. Then ignore her until you feel like you are ready to go over and talk to her. Do not keep stealing glances at her when you think that she isn't looking (she sees you -- believe me). You don't want to come across as a needy, desperate person who might be a stalker. Trust me, eye contact and self-confidence (one implies the other) really is a big deal to many women.

Get out there, and good luck!

Answer 2

Don't worry.You're not unusual of abnormal.Nothing wrong with never having a girlfriend at your age.In fact,that can be a good thing.Too many people settle for second best as they're afraid it'll never happen for them.
You have to try to get over your shyness and become more outgoing.Have you ever thought of joining a youth group,a church group,a health club or anywhere you can get to meet people?Try volunteering at an organization that would be of interest to you,where you could help people and get to make new friends.
The most important thing is to always be yourself no matter what.Never try to be someone you aren't.
Maybe give some thought to these ideas,YOU CAN DO IT.
Someone will come along for you when you least expect it.
GOOD LUCK.

Answer 3

Dont worry. There is someone out there for everyone. And honestly its kind of a good thing. Because when you do get with someone you won't be used up like a lot of guys are before the hit 20. Some guys I wouldn't touch because they've been with sooo many girls and done sooo many things with them. eeewwww....

But as they say good things come to those who wait. Besides you are still young. Most people don't even want to get into a real relationship utile they are much older. We live in the "it all for me" generation. But I understand the single life can be lonely. But trust me the right girl will come along and you'll love it!

Answer 4

oh thats nothing. i know guys that are27 and dont have a gf, i know another one who's in his 40's and nvr had a gf. what i mean is ure young, and i'm sure there's a girl out there just waiting for u. be patient, play it cool. there's no need to rush into things. there's a time for everything, and urs will come. :)
and dont worry about the way u look, a real lady will love u for who u r, not how u look. and be more confident about urself, women can sense insecurity from a mile away ( but dont act like a jerk either) just relax. :)

Answer 5

At 20 i had only 2 girlfriends. Dont worry, just start getting out more and meeting more people. Since you said that you are shy i would guess you probably dont like going to clubs, so start hanging out elsewhere. Museums, parks and the such. You are bound to meet someone.
Check out some sort of dating service if push comes to shove.

Answer 6

Don't rush into a relationship. It's ok that you haven't been playing the dating game. And you're only 20! That's your prime time honey!! But you have to get over how you look, I promise, girls like it when guys like themselves (as long as their not jerks about it). Just go out there and have some fun! Go out to a club (you're over 18, 18 to party!), meet some people and establish some friendships. Then you can meet their friends and presto! You've got people! Good luck, and I hope i helped!

Answer 7

I'm really shy and not outgoing, also. So I met my current fiance online. Maybe you should try that. There doesn't have to be any face to face confrontation and if you get to know each other through words first you can be more accepting of the person when you meet them because you know their personality better.

Answer 8

Just get yourself out there. Clubs, coffee houses or anything. Btw looks don't really have anything to with finding a GOOD girl. Girls who just want looks ARE NOT the type of girl you want. Besides you are still very young. Good luck with finding somebody.

Ps. you are not weird or anything, I know a few lads who are 21+ and are still virgins.

Answer 9

Hey, that's really common among people. Try being more confident and outgoing. Believe in that you are unique as an individual and you are fully capable of joining the dating world. And plus, when you are more confident, you're easier to approach and appear to look better.

Answer 10

you don't just go out on the street, grab a girl and start going out with her like you see in movies. Look for friends, they usually turn into girlfrinds as time passes by. But you have to go out and meet people!