what do you do if you feel there are restrictions being put upon your life, with certain people saying you?

Question

' can't' all the time? they say ' you cant' to everything...
im a 30 year old borderline personality disorderer sufferer whos been through alot in my life, alot of victimization , abuse and trauma. but i remain commited to working on my problems through therapy...iam clear about what want out of life, where i want to be, where im trying to get to.....
i want to work at emigrating from the uk, to build a new life elsewhere, find a partner i like etc...
but when i talk to certain people about these hopes & aspirations, they use the word ' cant, cant, cant'...& im getting tired of it & them saying it, with them saying' you cant run away from things.....or you cant do this..or that' just what exactly do they mean? i get so angry with them because i feel as though their restricting me somehow..or people they no are...does anyone no what they could mean by them saying' you cant'? who are they to tell me this? i could literally beat their skulls open...no one wants to feel as though their

being prevented from living their lives and doing what they want...going where they want...
how can i deal with this, like im being restricted without exploding with rage?

i have a history of severe bullying and victimization and stikk feel certain people have control over me...how do i stand up to them without getting angry and landing myself in trouble?

when they say 'i cant' i get flashbacks of being bullied and controlled and victimized and it triggers rage in me...

Answer 1

If you can, the best thing to do may be to move to a different local (away from your negative friends), don't listen to those negative people comments, they are just trying to bring you down is all. Resorting to violence, while it may feel good in the mid term, it really doesnt solve anything, just get ya into trouble and emigration would become difficult. Use the best muscle God gave you, your brain, it will get you out/guide you through more situations then violence will. Don't talk to those people about your dreams and asperations, as it appears you dont get a lot of support from them, true friends would help you and support your decisions and if it wasnt a good decision, they would politely say so, not negatively say so. With those 'poes', engage in idle chit-chat, but that is it. Personally, I think they just want you around to asert themselves on you to try to make themselves 'feel' better, keep you around so they can have someone to 'brow beat'. Do you know what to do? DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU!!! Don't listen to those other wise-cracking people, get the ball rolling without telling them, get your passport, get the work Visa, find other friends and find your way to a new life, which isnt running away, its not running away, its just that the situation your in isnt working for you. What your going through especially pisses me off because I've been told I can't or wouldnt make it, so I kinda know how you feel, but thats not your problem. Go ahead, do what is best for YOU and find your happiness in life.

Answer 2

You know, I'm going to suggest that it's possible that they have your best interests in mind. They may care about you very much, and they may see things more clearly than you do right now.

Since you are 30 and state that "people" are telling you no, you can't, I assume that you are dependent upon other people in your life to help you (because of your disorder). If that is so, all I can say is, keep doing your therapy, stay focused and strong like you are now, keep taking your meds, manage your stress and your health and your lifestyle as much as you can...and hopefully you will be doing well enough that you won't have to depend upon other people.

Maybe "you can't" means, "You can't, because right now you have a support system right here, and your support system isn't going to emmigrate with you." But that doesn't mean that some day you won't be able to get up and do it yourself, right? You would need to be able to set up a support system for yourself where ever you go! Your disorder is going to be for life, so you always need to have people for your meds and to help you monitor things.

When you talk about wanting to "literally beat their skulls open," that is scary! Defend it all you want, those are my feelings. I am too afraid to be around people who express those thoughts and feelings. I'm sure you are angry, but I'm letting you know, among the circle of people in my life no one has ever said anything that extreme. Okay? Probably something you ought to keep between you and your therapist. It could scare people off.

Answer 3

Hi
Yes I understand after a lifetime of being bullied that the word cant is a trigger for violence.

For me I would be inclined to tell people that before sharing my plans.
i.e. -
"I want to share my plans and thoughts with you but I get triggerered into violent feelings by negativity- especially the cant word which I have been hearing all my life - so can you listen to me positively without being so frightened, that you say no and cant etc."
I want your unconditional support"

You are meeting their defensiveness - their fears - their constraints not yours. Why believe them? Its your life to do with as you want.Yous seem to be giving away your power and your peace to them.

Soemtiems affirmations work -
Soemthing like
"I control my own destiny!"
said over and over until you start to believe it.

I was bullied and victimised too and at 60 still feeling like a second class citizen - inthis world on sufferance but its going gradually I am giving myself more permissions to live as I choose.

Answer 4

People will always say "you can't". You have to decide what it is you can't do, and put it in to some kind of perspective, of course they are restricting you; but you restrict yourself more by getting mad about it.

You have by the sounds of it had it tough, but then so do millions of other people, the difference between them and you is not a mental illness, it is just the ability accept it and move on, know your strengths and weaknesses, and build on them.

Smashing someones skull open, will only prove that they were right. You may never get where you want to be, but you can feel good about yourself whilst trying.

Answer 5

Hey there,

Pleased to meet you.

I am guessing these people are saying that you can't as they think that yor plans to emigrate etc mean you are planning on running away from your troubles rather than facing up to them. Try saying my long term plans are to......... and I WILL be doing that when I am ready motionally and finacialy to do that.

They prob just have your best interests at heart and dont realise how much it is affecting you so you do need to sit down and tell them how you feel but not when you are uptight.

Good luck with your plans for the future and getting the help you need to stay on track.

Answer 6

hi friend first i wish ur self confident.but u know one thing who's travelling on the right way to his goal any one can easily guess them with there activities, way of talking ,confident ,motivations etc..but just we dreaming i am gonna acheive this and our regilar life style totally no meaning of it then no one not beleive us we can.first each and every activities will prove our strength what we can.thren no need any expalanatoins to every one or show to every one. just u clear you goal and find the right way and travel on it dont worry about any one,and be away from that kind of peoples just ignore them dont make friend ship or no need to argue with them.because if u listen for negative talks continusely then your subconsious mind will beleive it may be true so dont listen any negative things always practise and say to your self i can , ican , ican not blindly do something what you can? and when you can? and how u can? u should clear first and should have confident,and never slip from that way ,then they will understand you with out your explanations,just wordings not enough...wish you all the best.

Answer 7

These people are continuing to control you, because you respect them too much to tell them where to go...don't talk to negative people any more...I believe that you can do anything you want to do, when you put your mind to it...the old saying, 'where there's a will, there's a way' comes to mind...if you know these people are negative, save yourself a lot of grief, and don't confide in them again..nothing is impossible..nothing...you can go to the U.S.A, and have that girl of your dreams also..just find a way to make it happen..no one is going to hand it to you

Answer 8

you can do anything you want your 30 ppl are always going to be negative all u got to do is not listen to them and prove them wrong and if u cant handle not listening to them talk to them tell them that its ur life and u really believe you can achieve ur hopes and aspirations and it would be nice if they supported u a little more and if not you can still do it!!!

Answer 9

they're just thinking negatively. you can do anything you want with your life. no one makes decisions on that but YOU. do what your heart tells you.