If your child was younger then two and ran away from you in a parking lot--what would you do?

Question

I see no spanking junk all over this place. I do not condone spanking for everything and I have only spanked my son once. So, what would you do if you were loading up grocceries when all of a sudden your child [under two] let go of your hand and ran out into the street? How can you possibly explain that to a child? Futhermore, how do you stop that sort of thing from happening without using a leash?

I'm not talking about unloading an entire shopping cart. I'm talking about probably 5-6 bags of stuff that you are carrying as well as holding on to a child's hand. In order to get the child into the car seat you have to throw the bags in the car first because you can't strap a child in while holding 5-6 bags of stuff. Meanwhile you have to simultaneously let go of his/her hand to open the door.

For me, I’m not against spanking. I’m not for spanking. I’ll have to say in the past month I have spanked my son one time as mentioned above. Since then he has not let go of my hand or left my side while out and about. I don’t understand how he could have realized what he did was very very wrong unless I would have spanked him. Sorry!

I must also add this parking lot was not at WalMart or another busy area. It was outside of the Self-Help store. I wouldn't ever allow him to be without my hand in a busy parking lot. There are literally five parking spaces and the only other one being used was for the employee working there.

Answer 1

Relax. Every parent has at least one experience like this. Mine was on his bike and didn't look and ended up with brain surgery (he was 16).

Before two, I don't really think the child understands what is happening or the risk that they are taking. So the child needs to stay strapped in the basket seat until the child is strapped into his carseat. He needs to be told that it is because he runs away and lets go of mommy's hand and might get hit by a car.

Even a leash won't keep your child from running 6-8 feet away and getting hurt.

As for spanking, I did my fair share, but in general it wasn't helpful. It was helpful, however, in reinforcing safety issues. The child (older than 2) runs into the street, pop. The child plays with matches, pop. When I could get the same message to the child without spanking, we immediately switched to extra chores, grounding, taking away TV, etc.

P.S. You don't let your child hold your hand. You hold your child's hand at the wrist. That way he can let go and you've still got him.

I hope you can train this tiger to be careful around cars, or you may be receiving a $45,000 bill from the hospital just like us!

TX Mom
Debbie
Not a professional child behaviorist

Answer 2

Up until fairly recently, I made my daughter sit in the shopping cart at the store. That way she was restrained in the seat right next to me while I put bags in the car, then we go put the cart away, and either she holds my hand to the car or I carry her. Most of the time I park right next to the cart corrals at the bigger stores, so if I absolutely have to I can put her in the car seat, then put the bags in the car, and push the cart to the corral without leaving her by herself far away in the car. I don't see how a child would get away while holding your hand, I would drop all my bags before letting my child get away, especially in a parking lot. I make it an absolute rule, in any parking lot, that she holds my hand or gets carried. Even in a small parking lot, cuz you never know if someone will be flying in or out and not watching. Yes, I have carried a screaming child to the car, but not often cuz my rule is consistent. I do not spank either, nor do I use a leash.

PS - if I were holding bags and my child's hand, and I needed a hand to open the door and such (I totally understand), if anything I would put the bags on the ground or the back of the car rather than try to do both without success. The safety of the child is obviously more important than whatever is in the bags. And there is always the option of leaving some bags in the store and going back in for them if you can't handle everything at once.

Answer 3

Drop groceries. Things are not important when compared to child's life.

Pick up child.

Put on scared face (shouldn't be too hard, I would already be there).

Use scared voice.

Say whatever words you think your child might understand. For my kids, it was 'No! Cars live there! No! Cars can't see you and can hurt you really bad! No! Don't go out there!'.

Kids understand more than you think they do. They understand "I scared mom! Mom is sad & scared! Yikes! What did I do? Cars? Cars hurt bad! No Cars!"

And, how would spanking teach this lesson any better than scared face, voice & words? In fact, how does spanking teach 'no traffic' at all? Spanking teaches 'Ouch, what was that for?'. With no connection to 'scared' and 'dangerous'. How does this child, who you claim you can't explain danger to, make the connection, then, between spanking and the danger of going into traffic? How does he know that the spanking isn't because of any number of other things that are going on around him at the time? How does he know 'traffic = spank', if he can't get 'traffic = danger', 'traffic = NO!'? Why would he be able to make one connection and not the other?

And, if the spanking is followed up by all of the words and the scared face and scared voice, well... What was the point of the spanking, then?

But, really, even with 5-6 bags, I'd have a child in a grocery cart seat or stroller. How were you in a store with a child that age, buying that much stuff, and not have a grocery cart of some kind? How did you carry it all in the store?

Answer 4

Put them in the car first. Either put them into the car while you unload the groceries or keep them seated in the cart while you do. What would I do..Other then freak out and I am against spanking too have NEVER spanked any of the children I am raising and only 2 are biologically mine (daughter 14 son 14 months). Why your child under 2 isnt in the cart I dont know. I know my 14 month old is very active and once in a while I will put him down in the store when its not crowded and hold his hand or walk directly behind him while he's walking but I have never and will NEVER until he is to big to go into the cart let him walk in a parking lot. I explain to my son what can happen does he understand no but I think children no matter the age can sense is something is wrong and react. My son will start to cry and scream if he things daddy is hurting me when he sits on me so he has some understanding of what is actually going on. Here's a hint: Even if its one bag or two bags take the cart out with you with your child in it. Your FIRST priority is that baby NOT your damn groceries if you can not keep a constant eye on your child dont take them along. My opinion unless the kid is to big to be in the cart he/she should be in it!

Keep your kid in the cart while you unload or put them in their car seat

Answer 5

??? My son is 22 1/2 months and he would never do that. I say "never" because I always put him in the car first thing. I carry him from cart to car, start the car (depending on the weather), load him in his carseat then load the groceries. I have 2 sets of keys, so I lock the driver's door so someone cannot just walk up and open the door while I am loading groceries. Also, I always try to load as many groceries as possible in the backseat, just to keep an eye on him.

As far as spanking, we do NOT believe in spanking a child, so I can't really give my opinion on that. All I can say is that as parents I guess we need to be extra careful of where our kids are. If your child gets away from you, the discipline depends on the child. Some kids will respond to you telling them "no" and explaining (briefly) that it is dangerous to run into the street, while some kids will have no idea what you mean.

You are the parent. You just need to decide what you feel is best for your child and follow through.

Good Luck

Answer 6

Personally I will spank my child for that. I have a rules for spanking, I will not spank when angry, I spank for complete defiance and if my child is putting himself or someone else in danger. I believe when they are in danger you don't have time to explain the situation and why they cant do that and they need something to quickly get there attention then when that is done I explain why they cant do that. This is what I did with my two year old and now he never runs off into the street and always grabs mine or my husbands hand.

Answer 7

i am sry this happened vato but this is one of the few areas where we disagree. I would of spanked my child on the spot and would use a leash from now on untill they are older and can understand better
EDIT

I read your other answer about not wanting to use a leash. i will tell you why i think it is a good idea and use your mishap
When a child is that young you have to punish right away or else it is meaningless. They don't understand when we get home you will have a time out. So i felt you did the right thing by spanking him righ there. The leash prevents that problem. My brother and i were on leashes untill we aquired more language could reason and understand consequences. At that age if they run off you can punish when they run off you can punish when you get home but hopefully they have learned even with restraints not to run.
.
Everyone has their own choice of parenting and i by no means think one is more right than the other so i hope this did not upset you

Answer 8

At younger than two, my child will be under my physical control in a busy shopping centre or carpark. They're either in the pusher, trolley, or put straight into the carseat when I get to the car. Toddler reigns (leashes) are also a good idea, but for babies I really think having them contained is the best idea. Besides, if you have a child that age holding your hand, you're mostly holding onto them so they can't dart away aren't you?
As for the 'no spanking junk', I don't smack, and I don't care if others do. But I would never have any call to smack a baby, or a child of any age for that matter, because I'm the parent, they're the child, and their safety and well-being is my responsibility, not theirs.

Answer 9

You full well know that you cant put groceries into your car, and hold your childs hand at the same time. You are only one person, with two arms (i assume). Knowing this, you should've secured your child in their car seat before taking an eye off him. That was irresponsible on your part, not his. At that age, you are beginning to teach responsibility, and of course he will make mistakes on the way. You should only allow room for these types of mistakes in a safe environment. Otherwise, your child should not be trusted, even if you THINK he wouldnt scamper away. You need to make sure your son is secure before you carry on with your business. However, you're human, we all make mistakes. Just explain as best you can in simple terms that running away from mommy could mean that he can get hurt. He won't get it the first time, but you have to start somewhere. Spanking him at such a young age especially does NOTHING but scare the crap out of him, in reference to your hand.

Answer 10

Secure tham in their car seat before unloading the cart, and keep them in the child seat (in the cart) while getting to your vehicle. Maybe you could have your child stay with a realtive while you are shopping.
I am not totally against spanking, but at two (OR YOUNGER) they are too young for spankings all that will do is make them afraid of you, you said yourself they will not understand if you try to tell them not to run away from you, so what makes you think they will understand why you are spanking them?