Regret asking friend to be a bridesmaid, what should I do?

Question

Here's the situation: This girl and I used to be better friends than what we are now. She has become more judgmental, high maintenance, and arrogant in the last few months. Or maybe I should say, I have NOTICED this behavior much more in the last few months. She's a bit selfish, vain, and overall negative. She's already told one of my other bridesmaids that she was getting fat.....told me that the bar that we thought about going to for the Bachelorette party sucked because she'd been there before......and didn't even invite me to her birthday celebration. Don't even ask me what I was thinking when I asked her to be a part of the wedding because truth be told I think my head was in the clouds. The girl does have some good in her, she's not a terrible person...I don't hate her....I just don't want to have her negative/judgmental attitude around during this time. What would you do if you were me? Just suck it up and deal with it?

Answer 1

You need to ask yourself if you still want her friendship as a part of your life. If the answer is no, that she's become too toxic for you to handle, then by all means politely tell her that you have decided you don't want her to be part of your wedding anymore. I'd reccommend doing this in public (like at a coffee house or cafe) so that the scene is kept to a minimum. Do not plan on having any kind of relationship with her after you do this either--and even expect her to attempt to sabatoge your friendship with any mutual friends you 2 may have.

If you do want to remain friends with her, then again, take her to a public place (like coffee shop) and have a talk with her. Explain that her negativity is wearing on you, and you really don't need it at this time in your life. Ask if there's anything in HER life that has happened that you're not aware of. Ask if she is still willing and able to participate in your wedding, people's situations change over time, and while she may have initially thought she'd be able to serve as a bridesmaid, her life may have changed so that she's no longer able to--hence the negativity. Express your concern for her, and reassure her that your main concern is not your wedding (at this point) but your friendship with her, and a wedding is not worth losing a friend over. After you've done that, and her behavior still makes you regret asking her--go back to the question of if you still want her friendship. If you do, you may be forced into sucking it up and dealing with it by minimizing her in your life, even though she's a bridesmaid. Best of luck to you!

Answer 2

If you truly don't want her in your wedding, then you would be better saying something sooner rather than later.
You could mention that it's not her place to comment on your other bridesmaids' weight, or your choice of venues, if you still want her to be a part of it all and want to at least make it known that she's out of line.
Otherwise, tell her that you've reconsidered and would prefer it if she wasn't in the wedding. Whatever trouble she is causing now will only increase when you start looking at dresses (unless you prod her back into line). I am assuming that she hasn't already bought her dress? If you decide to 'remove' her, if she's already bought her dress, you should offer to reimburse her.
If you uninvite her, the chances that she will remain a friend are slim... Remember though, your wedding pictures are forever and if she's a nightmare to deal with, or you have the possibility of a big argument looming, or even that you don't see yourselves as long term friends, they will be a constant reminder of that, instead of your special day.
Weddings are stressful enough, your bridesmaids are supposed to be of comfort and help, not a source of aggravation and hassle.

Answer 3

Here is a few options I can think of.

You can talk to her one on one (take her out to lunch) and let her know that you noticed a change in her behavior and ask her if something is wrong? (Maybe she is having a hard time and sadly, she is taking it out on you). If she goes "No. Not sure why you ask?" type of attitude, just point out that she has been a little down and seemed upset at some things people say or plan.

A good way is to pick out key words and see how she reacts. Saying "you been selfish" can easily throw her into a heated attitude to you.

Another option is everytime she says something negative. Example "You have gained some weight". You go "and that is none of your business to point out to someone who I think looks really good". 1) That make her look like a fool and 2) you telling her point blankly, knock it off.

After awhile, she will either get worse to the point you say "I'm sorry but your attitude will not be welcome on my special day" or she might realize to shut up.

Another option is to just cut the ties with her now if you have no desire for her to be there.

I would personally, myself as I sorta (not about wedding though) been in this situation. I treated a friend to starbucks and asked her if something was going on. Her relationship wasn't going to well and her attitude was in the pits on everything. Our friendship is not that strong anymore as I just couldn't handle negativity if she wasn't going to "do something about her situation" as off topic, he was cheating but still staying with him etc.

Answer 4

Since you used to be good friends here is my advice. It sounds like she may not be happy with herself or her own life, so she makes comments to other people that put them down in an effort to make herself feel better. You know that old saying "misery loves company". She also may be a little jealous of you now that you are getting married.

If you valued your friendship at all I would suggest lettin her know that when she acts like that it hurts your feelings and you were really counting on her support for you wedding day. Let her know that if she does not want to participate you are OK with that, but if she would like to remain a part of your special day then he needs to improve her attitude. Plannig and celebrating a wedding is supposed to be fun!

I hope you do talk to her and it works out for the better! Regardless of whether she is in your wedding or not you will be so busy on your wedding day you won't even notice if she is a sour puss!

Good luck!

Answer 5

If you haven't had her pay for her dress yet, I would come forward and tell her that I wouldn't want her as a bridesmaid anymore for the reasons that you explained. Don't let her ruin your wedding day because of her, and your bachlorette party. Tell her she's being too negative and that you feel it would be better to just come to the ceremony if she wishes. I kind of wish my former friend did that to me since I didn't like another one of her bridesmaids. I wouldn't have come to the wedding. Also, I quit talking to her the day of her wedding.

Answer 6

This is your special day and by the way you described this so-called-friend, she shouldn't be in your wedding. Sit her down and say "I know we used to be really good friends, but the day I asked you to be in my wedding, I wasn't really thinking. I'm sorry, but I do not want you to be my brides maid." Also tell her she's un-invited from the wedding, because it'll be akward. Hope this helps and good luck! May you have a happy marrige.

Answer 7

If she is your friend then tell her to stop being so judgmental of things.. this is your wedding and she need to respect your wishes. And if you want to have it at that bar then have it at that bar...

If she gets offensive then she wont want to be in the wedding party.. either way problem solved

Answer 8

You don't want your wedding day ruined. You already have enough to think about. Definitely talk to her and maybe make an excuse that you need to scale down the wedding and she might even be relieved. Can your fiance take one of his groomsmen out too?

Answer 9

Well you know what I ran into the same problem years ago when I got married, she too was stuck up and other things, but I sat down with her and explained how I felt. This is your day and she should not be allowed to spoil it for you, speak to her and see if she still wants to be part of your wedding and if so ask her to keep her opinion to herself.

Answer 10

Nope, don't want bridesmaids so didn't have to ask anyone and don't have any regrets.