Some of his concerns are ligitimate some are crazy.He says he needs to make more money (true), I'm not healthy enough (crazy). I'm 36, he's 39 We have a 12 year old child. We've been married 4 years I can't have kids. He was a more or less a single father when I met him. His last wife went through what sounds like a extreme post-partum depression and he says that having to step in and do almost all of the child care and housework even though she didn't work this led to such resentment that it destroyed their marriage. She also gained weight (4 or 5 st.) and I wonder what part that played. I've met the woman and I think she was crazy from the start. The problem is he's driving me and himself crazy now. I'm going nuts because I feel like he's comparing me to his ex. I've had a mild depression and I'm not the best house wife, but I'm the bread winner. I'm a good stepmom . Sadly I've gained weight, maybe 3 stone but so what! How do I get him to decide. This has gone on for too long
2007-07-25 10:05:27 · 11 answers · asked by Miriam 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Its obvious to me he doesnt want another child, he just doesnt have the guts to say no. But seeing how aggressive you are reposting the same question over and over I can see why he doesnt want to deal with it.
2007-07-25 10:14:59 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To me it sounds like you are over analyzing your hubby's hesitation to adopt. I seriously doubt that he is really comparing his ex with you. Could it be that you are just feeling insecure and having fears of ending up like his ex: fat, crazy and depressed?) His excuse sounds legitimate, especially since you two have to depend on one income. Plus he has real experience in raising a child and has more complete picture of parental and financial respoinsibility associated with it. I understand that you wish to raise and love a child but I suggest that you talk to your hubby and really listen to him! Before initiating the adoption process, try to save some money and most importantly: deal with your insecurities. It is now time for you to give yourself some credit. You sound like a great wife and wonderful caring person. Your husband can'tt wish for more. Where can he find a woman like you, the one who loves him like you do or cares about his feelings and loves and treats well his daughter and who even brings bacon home!
Just have some confidence in yourself and learn to trust yourself and in that you are obviously better than his ex wife. May be you could start off by loosing some weight? Exercise is a great way to loose weight, boost confidence and fight against mild depression.
Meanwhile you guys can work towards saving your money!!!
Most adoption agencies (at least the ones in the USA) let you adopt till you are 44 years old. So you guys have at least 3-4 years to work towards your goal together!
2007-07-25 17:50:53 · answer #2 · answered by Laura 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kinda sounds as though he's decided but you don't like his decision. Not to get into the middle of it, but raising children isn't a slam dunk under the best of circumstances.
2007-07-25 18:08:47 · answer #3 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is something that you can't push or force him into. If he doesn't want to make a decision then he is not ready to make a commitment at this time. If you leave him alone perhaps he will come to terms on this on his own one way or the other...good luck.
2007-07-25 17:13:24 · answer #4 · answered by catlady 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Same question 7 times now?
2007-07-25 17:11:10 · answer #5 · answered by Kaylie 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Leave him, he's an ass.
I bet when you leave him he wil realize how much he wants you.
In either case, it's not fair for him to make promises and not keep them. The choice to have a child or notis yours to make. If he's not in the same boat as you, in my opinion, it is a deal breaker.
2007-07-25 17:08:40 · answer #6 · answered by heartshapedmailbox 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Which is more important to you? It sounds like you have a tough time facing his true feelings and are pushing him too hard.
2007-07-25 17:08:31 · answer #7 · answered by Steve C 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are not happy, then leave and give it up. It's just that simple. How many times do you have to be told??
2007-07-25 17:09:45 · answer #8 · answered by Angelic Valentine 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop asking the same question!
2007-07-25 17:07:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop Reposting this question.
2007-07-25 17:07:33 · answer #10 · answered by atom.lile 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋