Speaking about monster in law...
Getting married at my fiance's church because his mom wanted to. I did not want a wedding at a church.
Now she says it is up to me if I want rehearsal dinner for my guests. She says she does not want one because she wants to get plenty of sleep before the wedding. My bridesmaids are driving quiet a distance to come to the rehearsal, plus it is my brother's birthday.
I am offended. Should it really be up to me?
2007-07-25 09:51:20 · 19 answers · asked by sweetundina 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Hey I like the "run away part".
Then we are getting married by judge!
2007-07-25 10:00:54 · update #1
We are paying for the reception.
2007-07-25 16:08:04 · update #2
We are paying for the reception, flowers, decorations.
Honestly, I do not care much for their church. It was their preference. Yes, they are hiring musicians for the church and paying for the pastor, but once again it is their choice.
My bridesmaids are orthodox, like me, so we have completely different traditions. My girls have to drive hell of a way to get to the rehearsal. Yes, I would feed them myself, of course. But I was a little shocked that it was up to me, since we were kind of forced into that thing.
As for my fiance being a grown man... I dated this guy for 8 years, but man, I just learned that he is mommy's son! He hid it well, but I still love him!
2007-07-25 16:19:13 · update #3
Run away............
2007-07-25 09:58:40 · answer #1 · answered by Fester Frump 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It depends on who is paying for what.
Traditionally, the groom's family is responsible for the rehearsal dinner. But is his mom paying for the wedding? Perhaps if she is paying for this wedding she wanted at the church, she feels that you and your family need to be responsible for the rehearsal dinner.
So, it depends on whose money is involved.
If you don't want a church wedding, why have one? You and your groom are adults. You should have the kind of wedding you two want.
That's why I always say: If two people are mature enough to get married, then they are mature enough to pay for the wedding themselves. That way, they can have the wedding exactly the way they want it.
When parents start contributing money for the wedding, then they also get input. Sorry, but that's the way it works.
I definitely think you need a rehearsal dinner, especially since it is brother's birthday and the bridesmaids are coming some distance. It doesn't have to be formal. You could do something casual . . . like pizza and salad.
Good luck to you.
2007-07-25 20:30:41 · answer #2 · answered by Suz123 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Traditionally, the grooms family pay for the rehearsal dinner and the bride's for the wedding reception, although many people pay for a large portion of their own wedding these days. We had contributions from both parents, with those wanting particular things (ie a full bar) paid for extra.
If you are choosing the traditional payment, ie your family are paying for the reception, and his family were supposed to be paying for the rehearsal, then you should be offended...
If you and your hubby-to-be want a dinner, then you should go for it. If you didn't want to do a big event, then you could have just dinner for the wedding party, or have dinner earlier and then those that want to stay out do so, and those that want to retire early can go ahead.
If your future MIL still doesn't want to go, then she's being a bit selfish... Perhaps she's trying to steal a little attention for herself by being difficult? Maybe your fiance could talk to her and lay a little guilt....
2007-07-25 18:16:42 · answer #3 · answered by txbrit 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yikes, I'm surprised all the time by the number of girls who cave to their in-laws wishes on where they get married! I'm really sorry that you're in this situation. Knock on wood I don't have to deal with it...
Anyway, yes, I believe whether or not to have a rehearsal dinner is up to the couple getting married. The groom's parents generally pay for it, but if the couple doesn't want one, I guess they don't have to have one! If she's saying it's up to you then go ahead and plan one! It doesn't have to be anything big - just pick a restaurant or do a buffet-style meal at home (this is inexpensive and more comfortable).
2007-07-26 13:14:44 · answer #4 · answered by tink 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What does your man say? I would not deal directly with the monster in law if she is being difficult.. make your husband do it and tell him to get use to it if she is going to be like that. If it is up to you then you want one and you want her to pay for it. IF you guys are being traditional about everything else, why does she get a free pass? IF your wedding funding and plans are less traditional then just rent a room at a favorite restaurant and have people go dutch. My friend did this for her wedding and we all knew money was tight and no one minded. It was of course optional to come, but we all just wanted to hang out and have a few laughs so it was totally fun and not a big deal to not have a "traditional" rehearsal dinner. Don't give up on what you want, just be creative if you need to be.
2007-07-25 17:11:33 · answer #5 · answered by Jade645 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Families can have a lot of opinions when wedding planning rolls around! Try not to take it too personally! I know that's almost impossible though :-) What about having a rehearsal lunch? That's what we are doing. Just inviting the wedding party, their significant others, and immediate family. Eating then rehearsing. That way my future mother-in-law can host her out of town family the night before and us girls can go get our nails and such done and spend some time together. The groomsmen will be doing something similar as well.
2007-07-25 17:14:36 · answer #6 · answered by Nic 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tradition dictates that the groom's family pays for the rehearsal dinner since the bride's family pays for the wedding. Is your finance's dad around. He may be willing to pay and put on the rehersal dinner. If not, recruit your husband to be and ask him to help plan it. It doens't have to be anything big. Invite just the people in the wedding. It doesn't have to be a whole bunch of extra people. You can even try a potluck dinner, that way you can cut down on cooking, dirty dishes, and expense. If your MIL has a problem with it, she can stay at home...since she claims to need all that beauty rest.
2007-07-25 17:03:49 · answer #7 · answered by LSU_Tiger23 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Traditionally, the grooms parents are supposed to pay for the rehearsal dinner. Is this why she's not wanting to go? Have your rehearsal dinner on a Wednesday or Thursday instead of Friday. It worked out very well for my sister that way. You can make it optional & casual.
2007-07-25 17:00:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Traditionally rehearsal dinners are held to honor the wedding party and any long-distance guests. Your monster in law shouldn't say a WORD about whether or not to have one. If she wants to get plenty of beauty sleep, let her go home early so everyone else can enjoy themselves. =)
2007-07-25 18:07:33 · answer #9 · answered by zippythejessi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow... who's getting married?!?!? Sounds like your f mil is monster in law!!!! You and YOUR FIANCE need to talk about what you want! It's not up to HER to plan everything. Technically the brides family is suppost to pay for the wedding. and the grooms family is the reception, rehearsal dinner.
I'd tell your Mother in law to be to BACK OFF. You and your fiance should be planning this not her!!!
2007-07-25 17:20:30 · answer #10 · answered by tat2cutie_4_rps 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yikes, traditionally its the grooms failies resposibility, but in this day and age anything goes.
Would I be offended, yes, but what can you do but go ahead and have one yourself.
I would just have a small get together at your home after the rehearsal, it doesnt have to be extravagant. If it summer time, cook out bugers and dogs, have some potato salad and chips, some beer and soda and have a great time with yoru friends. Have a little cake for your brother and enjoy your last single night together with the gang.
2007-07-25 17:01:28 · answer #11 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋