nothing to do with dirty washing please heard it..
2007-07-25 09:42:43 · 9 answers · asked by Storyteller 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
one day a little girl was walking along the beach and saw a naked man. looking down, she asked the man, "whats that?" "its my bird" the man replied. "well, can i play with it?" "only if you go and ask your mum first."
hearing this, the little girl runs home to her mum and asks her "mummy, can i play with a mans bird?" the mother, thinking it was a normal bird, replied, "ok honey." when the girl got back to the beach, the man was sleeping. but since she got both his and her mums permission, she started playing with it.
when the man woke up, he found himself lying in a hospital bed with the girl standing beside him. confused, he asked her, "what happened?" the girl promptly replied, "well, when i was playing with your bird he spit on me, so i bit off his head, cracked his eggs and burnt his nest"!
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A man walks into a bar, and sits down for a drink. While looking around he notices a man at the end of the bar with a very small head (the size of an orange). A little shocked at how someone's head could be so small, he gets up some courage to go and ask him about it.
Excuse me, I couldn't help notice your head is very small.
The guy laughs it off, and proceeds to tell the man what happened.
When I was a young sailor I was shipwrecked on an island. After many weeks alone, I gave up the thought that I would ever be found. One day while walking the beach, I heard some crying behind a rock. I was so excited that someone else was here, I went to check it out.
Behind the rock I saw the most beautiful mermaid stranded on the beach. She told me if I brought her back to the water, she could grant me 3 wishes.
I picked her up, and brought her back to the sea.
She asked what were my three wishes?
First I said, I'd like to get off this Island, and back home.
When my body is fully underwater, your wish will be granted, she said.
Second, I'd like to be the richest man in the World.
Again she said, when my body is fully in the water your wish will be granted.
Third, hmm this is a tough one. I have been on this Island without a women for a long time. I would like to have sex with you.
As you can see, I am not made for that. She said.
OK how about a little head.
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Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to write a sexual harassment grievance against him. The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks, "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?" The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget."
2007-07-25 23:06:29 · answer #1 · answered by Slimm D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Texan meets his mail order bride at the train and is taking her in the buggy to their new home. One of the horses jumps to the side of the road and makes the buggy go in the ditch. The Texan punches the horse and says "Thats once" Minutes later the horse does it again. The Texan punches the horse and says Thats twice. The third time the ditch the Texan says thats three times jumps down and shoots the horse. The new bride is horrified and says is that necessay? He looks at her and says "Thats once"
2016-04-01 02:14:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try Drew Carey's "Dirty Jokes and Beer". It has a whole chapter on 101 Big "Ahem" jokes! Loved it!
2007-07-25 09:52:31 · answer #3 · answered by SARswimmer95 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Here goes !...What's the difference between a fanny and a kebab?
One is smelly with meat hanging out,and you only eat it when you are pissed, and the other is a Greek delicacy !!!
2007-07-25 13:06:28 · answer #4 · answered by Crackerjack 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All of my really dirty jokes would get me booted sooooo fast
2007-07-25 09:45:26 · answer #5 · answered by Sports fan 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Hundreds, even tried posting a few and got violation notice's.
2007-07-25 09:47:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I do not want to be suspended anyway they would only come up as stars. So hear are some jokes anyway for you.
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.
How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One-He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?
Two. If you slice them very thinly.
What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.
What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
Any place without a drive-up window.
What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
Exchange him.
What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
A power failure.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Why does it take 100 million sperms to fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
What do men and mascara have in common?
They both run at the first sign of emotion.
What do men and pantyhose have in common?
They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!
What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
His wife is good at picking out clothes.
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys watching a football game.
What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?
The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.
What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
Sex.
What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.
What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
What's the best way to kill a man?
Put a naked blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?
Big Foot's been spotted a several times.
What's the smartest thing a man can say?
"My wife says..."
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
Straight through the rib cage.
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?
So men can understand them.
Why can't men get mad cow disease?
Because they're all pigs.
Why did God create man before woman?
He didn't want any advice.
Why did God create man before woman?
Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.
Why do little boys whine?
Because they are practicing to be men.
Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.
Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost in space, at least the woman will ask for directions.
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends.
2007-07-25 09:50:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 7⤋
yey come on, get some dirrrrrrrrrrty jokes posted!!!!
2007-07-25 09:55:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
Er will my Husband do.......
2007-07-25 10:34:30 · answer #9 · answered by debray 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋