Is it a relationship? Is it a friendship? Am I too old to be this clueless?

Question

Just looking for some advice. I am a 27 yr old female, seperated from husband for 9 months, and got to know a 20 year old guy from around town. Started hanging out a lot. In the begining I was very anti-male and stated that relationships were not for me. Since then our friendship turned into frequently hanging together, to taking road trips together, to living together at my house and throughout these transittion ultimately it became sexual. We have spent the last 3 months together, a great connection, we have so much fun together and I dont want to lose that. We never defined what it was, and both of us have admitted to being scared of rejection. He is away now, getting help for an addiction, but I want to let him know how I feel about him (which I have fallen in love with him) and to know how he really feels about me without ruining the friendship. Would appriciate any advice.

Answer 1

get out of this relationship while you still can.

Answer 2

Well I must say the age gap has really got me wondering it this guy is really worth you taking serious...It's cool that you and him have fun but at the end of the day what does this guy really bring to the table. With the age different in the long run I see you all facing some problems because a guy that is 20 is still immature and has no real clue on what it takes to maintain a relationship or be a good man. Furthermore, I think you made a big mistake by not defining the relationship a long time ago. It's like he already has what he wants without the commitment so now it may be hard to get him to commit. While he is away I would take this time to reflect on if you really think he is worth investing into a commited relationship with him. I mean if you don't see him as being potential husband material maybe you need to keep your feelings to yourself and see what else is out there. A relationship is more than about having fun. You have to have a understandng, common goals, love, trust, honesty and financial security to really make a relationship work. If you don't have those you may want to find a man a little older that you may be more compatible with and a man that will be first to ask you for a commitment.

However, if you do see yourself with him in the long run I would suggest maybe mentioning it to him...Nonetheless, make sure you prepare for the consequences because it could work out to your advantage or to your disadvantage. But like the saying goes "speak now or forever hold your peace"... You might as well find out where his feelings are so you can rest your mind. Good Luck

Answer 3

There were two things you stated that caught my attention. Separated from your husband and being very anti-male. When I got divorced I tried to fill this blackhole that my marriage left. I fell in love quickly with a girl soon after my divorce and here it was nothing more than a filler. Then another and another. I began to hate seeing people in relationships because I thought to myself, "Hey that should be me, what did I do to deserve this pain?!" Hell I even tried finding the answer in the bottom of a bottle at the bar. But then one day I had a revalation. I looked at the faces in the bar and realized I dont want to end up like these people I always see here. So I made a list of everything I wanted in a woman and stuck to it. Some made it 3 months, some made it 6 months and there was one that was over 2 years which failed. But the bottom line was either I find someone that will fit everything I wanted or I would die a lonely man. Well it took me 5 years and yes I even stated I would never get married and I did. Becasue I found that person that fit the list.

My only advice is its too soon and not that age is a factor, but he hasnt even hit his "Go out drinking" years. If he is going for help for an addiction, then good for him, bad for you. I am not going to tell you what guy to go after buy since I was in those shoes at 20 with an older woman, I will say I felt more stable when I was 25. So I would set the bar there as the youngest age to target.

Answer 4

I'm going to beg to pardon, you aren't clueless about guys, your father was once the primary to your life, look at him. Ladies socially have a competitiveness guys do no share, and this stays inside the ladies businesses. Possibly being shy across the opposite sex is a advantage and by and large unseen through men. You are demonstrating a worth bigger than what's required to be social. Discontinue and share some of your virtues, who is aware of a male probably standing afar off and desires a little bit of encouragement.

Answer 5

Let me see, you're living with someone, hanging out all the time, and you're having sex. And you still call this a friendship? Hello! There's a river in Egypt and you're both swimming in it, you maybe less so because you're willing to admit to yourself that you're in love with him.
Don't believe the casual sex myth. You don't spend this kind of time with someone and be having sex and not have feelings. This would be in-human. So, unless he's a sociopath he HAS feelings for you. This doesn't mean he's going to admit to them or do anything about them, but they're there. If he doesn't admit to them tell him he's full of s@#t.
So, the friendship is already ruined. This is a full blown romance in every sense of the word. So, yeah, tell him how you feel about him. If he can't handle this then maybe this is a relationship you don't need to be in. One where you have to be in denial to make it work.

Answer 6

It sounds like you are already in a serious relationship. You should let him (your husband) know how you feel. If you are not going back to your husband then you need to pursue a divorce. then you can work on another relationship. But you need to get your life straightened out before you enter into another relationship. He needs to be able to focus on getting help on his addiction. And not having to worry about everything else will help him. So work you life out first then you can pursue a relationship with him.Good luck!

Answer 7

First of all if you're still married you should really just get a divorce and than just talk to the guy you love about it.Communication is key in any relationship.

Answer 8

I would take it slow. perhaps you're not that much in love as you like to think. does the word 'rebound' ring a bell?