if you were unfortunate enough to be sexually abused in your childhood can it somehow have an effect where?

Question

it makes you feel feminised or effeminate as an adult male? if so how do you over come this girly female feeling the experience installs?
i get angry because im a 100 percent hetrosexual who doesnt like feeling this way, especially around the dominant male, i feel there presence makes me feel submissive and passive and it makes me angry to feel like that.

im a 30 year old who encountered sexual abuse twice, once at 3, second time at 7 years old...i have bpd that im waiting for treatment for

Answer 1

I am not sure why you are waiting on treatment for BPD. Treatment for BPD is intensive therapy....and that is where you can find the best answer to your question.

Answer 2

OK this is a good question. the short answer to this is yes it does effect the rest of the victims life.
sexual identity is a hard one to get back and for a bit you will need help from a councilor to deal with the issue of the abuse and to help you from turning your partner into your abuser too.. this is often over looked by everyone, and can also kill the relationship and it is why a lot of victims go into promiscuity when they grow up too as they only think that love = sex..
at only 30 you would have a long way to heal i would think know how you are know that the power is yours not the abuser now and know that it was nothing that you did to deserve or course this. It was done to you! given that it happened when you where 3 and 7 this could also mean that the BPD could also be MPD as at 3 i would think that some thing like that could be Enif to course div in your personality and so ask you Dr about that as possible

Answer 3

Most of the time people who have experienced sexual abuse consider themselves damaged because society has taught you to feel this way. You are not 3 now, nor are you 7. You are an adult.You are not damaged. You are, and will remain perfectly normal. Here is what you must do. You must forgive the people who did this to you. They did mean to hurt you, they simply could not control their own desires. Don't let this cripple you. You do not need therapy! These incidents occur every day of the week, and have done so since time began. You will remain crippled and damages only so long as you believe you are. There is no trauma here. Continue your life. Forgive the person, or persons, then forget it and get on with your life, be it homosexual, heterosexual, bi-sexual, or non-sexual! Life is just too short to worry about such early meaningless encounters. Take charge of your life today. It simply does not matter who is more masculine, or less masculine, or feminine. You see it matters only if you let it matter. And don't be ashamed of what happened, not even if you initiated it, or freely engaged in it. It means nothing. Nothing. Because it is a thing that happens everyday and is forgotten by most. Be one of the strong, and smart ones, move on with your life. Free, and undamaged.

Answer 4

I'm sorry that happened to you. That's a terrible ordeal to go through. I had it happen to me and am also bipolar (that's what you meant by bpd, right?) But I am a woman. I'm sure there are other men that can relate to your experience though. I'm assuming another male did this to you? Perhaps it's because this person or persons was intimidating and made you feel "small", you now feel this way about other males. The fact that you feel this way shouldn't be aparrent to other people. So I think what you need to do is keep reminding yourself that the experience is over with and nobody can make you feel like that again. You are an adult, a man capable of defending yourself now. Maybe there is some sort of online chat room where you can discuss this with other men who have gone through the same thing. Other than that, talking it out with a therapist should help. I think you need to find a way to redirect these thoughts you are having. good luck & I hope it all works out for you. By the way, you are really brave for talking about it. Sorry I couldn't help more.

Answer 5

It sounds like you are very aware of your own behavior, which makes resolving the issues much easier to deal with. You identified feeling passive and submissive in the presence of a male, which in turn makes you feel feminised. It's possible cognitive behavioral therapy will help. You need to feel comfortable in the presence of other males and I think that will help you to feel masculine. Not to minimize your problem, but it sounds like a simple way of changing your thinking - learning to be assertive in the presence of other men and you will automatically feel better.

Answer 6

Coop, the people who did this, were evil and cruel..and sinners,...you can either go back, and continue to feel sorry about it, because they certainly aren't...and keep reliving it, over and over...or, you can decide that it is time to let it go..if they would have apologized, you probably wouldn't be hanging on to this so long..but they haven't, and this is how evil controls you. You need to forgive and forget...and get on with the show..Half of the men in the gay society, were molested, and many won't ever admit that, but it is true..and abused...but that is because, at a young age, you don't even realize what is happening....so self doubt is put in your head at an early age...Am I Gay? did I want this to happen? Was it MY fault that this happened? then I am not a man? things like this, because the perpertrators won't admit that they were indeed the evil f'rs that did this to you..sorry for the words...but it is time to release yourself from their bondage..forgive them..and Let the Lord deal with it..

Answer 7

It affects you A LOT! It's not your fault!

The ASCA is for Adult Survivors of Child Abuse. They don't have a "hotline" or anything, but they do have lots of other information and support groups, that can be very healing. Look at the list on the right side of the page to find the links that are most useful to you. I think joining a support group could help you get a lot of insight and help you understand that you are not alone, it is not your fault, and healing is possible.

http://www.ascasupport.org/

Answer 8

Your sexual identity can be effected, but not determined by your experiences in youth. Being raped, abused, ridiculed, supported, championed, and listened to will all effect your reaction to things. Your gender preference for intimacy is not the same as homosexuality.

Answer 9

I know some who are masculine and others who are feminine and some who don't care for either. Most of the ones who are feminine were never abused. Now you tell me what caused them to be the way they are?