Monetary Present or Any Kind of Present?

Question

We are planning to hold our children's b-day parties from now on with a note on the invitation "monetary present is appreciated."

Guests are not obliged to give money only. I'd like to note this so guests can have an option. They can still give toys, clothes, etc as presents.

My husband thinks it makes it look like we are gold diggers. My points are: we will deposit this in our children's bank accts and I think its convenient for the giver to give money vs having to go to the store to buy what type of presents, the age of the child, will the child like this?.... and there are chances of duplication.

If you were one of my invitees, what would you think when the invitation read "monetary present is appreciated?"

Answer 1

I wouldn't put that on the invitation. You could register your children at a Toys R Us or something. Some people may give gift cards. Children like to open gifts. I think it is taking a fun out of the party.

Answer 2

No its tacky no ifs ands or buts. One never mentions on an invite for anything. What happens is normally for a little kid party people go out and buy some sort of little thing. Figuring out money brings about a "how much not to look cheap thing". Then there is the thing where most parents usually have several of birthday parties to go to.

The rest have said most of it. Rest assured you will be viewed as tacky all of the way around. Some of the Moms will say "I'm not entrusting my child to this sort of person" so will find an excuse to not take their kid. When you show up w. your kid the other Moms will not be so friendly (maybe to your face) but will be talking squat behind your back. And do not be surprised if your child is suddenly forgotten in the invites to other parties.

Then it will look like your husband does not make enough money so instead of funding accounts another way....... you need to extract $10-20 bucks from others. Hopefully you husband does not work, have business w. or hang out with any of the Dads. He will suddenly find himself to be "the guy w. that wife". He will be suspect because he is married to you.... so maybe he also has no class. If he runs across somebody professionally or one of the other parents might help him along by putting him in contact w. someone who can.... well that will be gone. The other husbands will fear to help him as they got an earfull from their wives so best to not deal w. it. Really. What wives do matters much.

You asked the question so you know the answer. If you proceed with the invites you will have problems at some point. So just not do it. Never ever mention money in any situation.

Answer 3

I wouldn't do it, your husband is right.

Even saying that you have an account opened for your child hints that you want money.

I am disabled and poor so I don't like giving gift certificates or money for presents. I try to find what the person would like and then I try to find it on sale, taking several months to search for each present. This way I am not looking like such a cheap skate, even though I am.

It is traditional to give toys as gifts and if your child gets a duplicate toy so what? Many kids are pretty rough on their toys and some parents are smart enough to keep the sales receipts.

Yes, cash would be easier to give, but that is the whole point. Part of the joy of giving a present is the act of shopping and trying to find something that you think the person would really like. True you get a lot of re-gifting now days but that is from people who don't care so much about the person they are giving the gift to as much as they are being nice for giving the gift.

Now, yes I have had a few gifts that I thought the person would really like bomb, it happens and that is another reason for re-gifting. But, usually I do okay. It all depends on how much time you are willing to put into the shopping and the thought before hand. Cash takes no thought, no time and no heart.

Answer 4

I would think GOLD Digger!

You can't do that. All gifts are appreciated. Don't be so shallow. I understand that you want to deposit the money instead of accumulating a bunch of crap you don't need.

You are missing the point of gifts though. There is a certain joy in giving something that you picked out. You are also not teaching your children how to be gracious when they open a present. Would you like to give your kids cash for Christmas every year?? It would save you a lot of time and effort. But you wouldn't get the joy of giving them something they loved!

Rethink your attitude on this one. You will be mis-judged at best, and thought to be a greedy gold digger at worst.

Keep in mind guests ALWAYS have the cash option. You writing it on the invitation won't change anything, just make you look greedy!

Answer 5

I would see it as rude. I know that you do have a point but I think your husband is right on this one. With a present the giver can spend $5 if they find a good deal and not look like a cheapskate but if they give your child $5 you're likely to think... "couldn't you have given more than that??!" It just makes them feel less obligated to disclose their financial situation.
-B

Answer 6

I think there is a better way of phrasing it. If a family member or really close friend asks what to get, you could tell that a cash gift would be appreciated and depositted into a savings account.
In the case of school friends the kids probably want to pick out gifts for thier friends and the kids love opening gifts.

Answer 7

i'd think you were a gold digging mom. You're gonna invite me to the party and then presume to tell me what to give?

most people know they have an "option" between $$ and a gift; why be crass and put it on your kids' party invitations?

if someone calls and asks "what can I get for little billy's birthday?" THEN explain that ya'll are saving money for their college education, AND that lil' billy is also into spongebob and hot wheels cars (or whatever)

Answer 8

An invitation with a specific request as to the type of gift wanted is simply poor etiquette. Under no circumstances should an invitation mention any gift, ever. There is no tactful way to request cash in lieu of gifts, since asking for a gift itself is tacky.

Answer 9

That you were a rude gold digger.

I personally like to shop for gifts. If someone calls and asks what to get a child, you can tell them that they have everything they could possibly want, but they are welcome to buy whatever or give a small amount as you are teaching your kids about savings and showing them how to save.

Answer 10

I think you should omitt it... its kind of rude. I have to agree w/ your husband.. but then again thats my opinion. A party is to have a good time and enjoy the company, let guests give what they want to give.

Some people say that they will have a money tree, which is sort of what your doing but not so frank.

HTH