After sending the invitation, I found out our friend is dating a person that I DO NOT want at my wedding. She is an ex-girlfriend to my fiance'.
How do I explain to him without hurting his feelings.
2007-07-25 08:04:59 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Just tell him that you would be uncomfortable with having your fiance's ex-gf at your wedding and leave it at that.
2007-07-25 08:08:12 · answer #1 · answered by i_b_winkn_at_u 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
First, did you put JUST his name on the invitation or did you put "and guest"? If you put "and guest", you've really opened up the invitation to him to bring whomever he wants honestly. If you only put his name, he technically should not even be bringing a guest since you didn't provide him the option to do so. Wait until you get the RSVP card back and see what he puts on there. If you only invited him w/o a guest and he writes "2" and the ex's name, politely call him and tell him due to money constraints, unfortunately you don't have the means to accommodate extra guests beyond your close family and friends. Don't even bring up the ex as being the real issue. If you allowed him to bring a guest and he responds with 2 and the ex's name, I would discuss it with your fiance on how to approach this with the friend. I would think the friend would understand but then he may go back and tell the ex the deal and you'll look insecure for not wanting her there. I don't blame you though - I wouldn't want an ex of my future husband attending our wedding either...no matter how secure I am in my relationship with him. It would just be awkward. Hopefully your friend will understand that.
2007-07-25 08:41:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ooooh, tricky. First, does he know this girl used to date your fiance? How long ago did they date & how serious was it? Why exactly do you not want her there, considering she is obviously no threat to you (she's involved w/ someone else, and you're marrying the guy!)?
If she has been a real issue in the past, I would tell the friend that due to budget limits & constraints, you have to keep guests at a minimum and therefore he'll need to attend solo. If she hasn't been a problem & it's just your own jealousy and insecurity, you should be the bigger person & extend the invitation. Besides, you'll be so busy you won't even notice her!
Good luck!
2007-07-25 08:12:19 · answer #3 · answered by SavageLettuce 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why exactly do you not want her there? Be the bigger person...afterall, you're the one marrying the guy, not her. I don't play that way. The second time I met my boyfriend's ex (they were together 6 years), we (just her and I) went out and had a great time...out till 4 a.m. Now see, my ex would play more the game that you do...his current wife is not even allowed to know what I look like (I've seen her...definitely nothing to write home about, makes me look like a beauty queen). Suck it up. If you continue to insist that she not be there...people are going to think you are intimidated by her or something or fear losing your fiance to her or whatever. This woman is now dating a person you care about enough to invite. If you can't be the bigger person and tolerate her coming, pull your friend aside and (if he doesn't already know) explain that he is dating your fiance's ex girlfriend and both you and your fiance (this would have to be about both of you, not just you) would be very uncomfortable with her being there and would rather she not attend.
2007-07-25 08:18:26 · answer #4 · answered by Sunidaze 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think maybe your fiancee and this ex should keep everyone else out if it. It apparently doesn't bother your fiancee,or he'd be the one writing in. What would happen if this friend marries his girlfriend? Would you simply refuse to attend the wedding? You can explain all you want, but I guarantee, it will probably cost the friendship. My advice is to keep your nose out of that one, since it's actually between your fiancee and this ex, any problems that were in the past.
I hope you aren't jealous, because I will then say maybe you aren't ready to get married and should let your groom start seeing other women who are. Because if you get married and are jealous, you will probably be divorced in a few years.
Remember, if you start telling your grooms friends who they can and can't bring, your groom can do the same to your friends.
This is an add on. I think if anyone should talk to this friend, it should probably be your groom IF he has a problem with it. But don't nag your groom to do it.
2007-07-25 08:55:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Proper wedding ettiquette when it comes this sort of thing is to put only his name on the invite. When there is only one person's name on the invite and there's nothing that indicates they may bring a guest, that person is to assume that they are the only ones invited and they should bring no one else. That having been said, you didn't have anything saying he could bring a guest, did you?
However, if your friend doesn't know too much about wedding etiquette, you may have to be blunt with him and explain your concerns. It really would be inappropriate for him to bring her to this event even if she were invited. I certainly wouldn't want my future husband's ex at my wedding!
Good luck!
2007-07-25 08:17:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Who said she wants to come anyway?
She would probably feel as awkward as you do.
If the invite was addressed to him alone (not him & guest) it would be damn rude for him to bring along anyone else without checking first, let alone your H2B's ex!!!
You can sidestep this by asking him to RSVP with the name of any guests, as you need the names for the table plan. If he RSVP's without her, then you have no issue to worry about.
If he does put her name, then consider the reasons why you don't want her to come, if it bothers you that much then just tell him outright that you don't feel comfortable with your H2B's ex being at your wedding. It's your day and you should have whoever YOU want there. But be prepared for your friend to say, it's either both of us or neither of us, as if he's any sort of gent, his loyalties should lie with his girlfriend.
2007-07-25 08:25:18 · answer #7 · answered by HappyDays 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't listen to people's negative comments on here. I would NOT be comfortable with one of my fiance's ex's or even one of my own ex's being at my wedding. That does not make you insecure...it makes you normal. There's no reason that you should have to feel any tension on your wedding day. You are not being a bridezilla. You aren't monitoring everybody's invites and RSVP's. You have a good reason to not want this particular person at your wedding. It's your wedding and you need to be able to relax that day. The friend should understand if he is indeed a friend. She should also understand why you would not want her there. Just tell him how you feel about the situation or have your fiance tell him.
2007-07-25 08:22:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Did you allow other people to bring guest? If you did not put "and guest" or her name on the invitation, then she isn't invited. That is mostly done for budget reason Unless you allowed other people to bring guest, then all you can do is explain to him that you and your fiance do not think it is proper that your fiance's ex be there.
2007-07-25 10:27:27 · answer #9 · answered by Samantha B 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Call this person up and have a chat. Perhaps he will understand and won't have a problem with it. Be honest, but keep in mind that if you invited this person and "a guest", it would be rude to insist he not bring a guest. But an informal chat would be appropriate I think - let him know you would be uncomfortable with her presence at the wedding, but leave it up to him to decide.
2007-07-25 08:11:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you put his name solely on the invitation, then it's rude of him to bring a guest without asking. If you put "and guest", I'm sorry but there is no tactful way except to say it's uncomfortable.
Have your fiance explain instead of you, this way it doesn't look like you're jealous of her.
2007-07-25 08:27:13 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋