Any Ideas on how to tell my friend to potty train her daughter,she's nearly 4!!?

Question

I have tried to talk to her about this but her attitude is 'so what,my husband pays for the nappies'!!! She is my god-daughter and starts school in September.Also I am minding her all weekend and feel slightly uncomfortable with the idea of changing nappies on an almost 4 yr old!

My friend has the misguided idea that when her child goes to school she will automatically use the toilet because all the other kids do! As a mother of four I know this isn't so! She just can't seem to be bothered.

It wouldn't be so bad if this was her first child but she also has 18 & 13 yr old daughters too.Both who wet the bed most nights! This is her husbands first child and he thinks this is normal??!!

Answer 1

Tell your friend the truth:
1. Schools don't change nappies. They will kick her daughter out until this is resolved
2. It's unnatural. Her daughter is ready to know how to potty. Keeping her on nappies is stunting her physical and emotional growth.
3. Child services does and will classify not potty training as child abuse. They can and will fine her and possibly remove the child.

while she's not your daughter, if this is handled correctly, the mom should see the error of her ways. I would hope a complete stranger, much less my daughter's god-parent, would have the stones to tell me what a horrible thing I am doing to my child. The parent isn't horrible, but the action is! Tell the father to step up and step in! It's his daughter's welfare. And when you mind the child, rear the child. Refuse to change her. Help her go to the potty. Talk to the rest of the family. How do they feel about this? Make an intervention if you have to.

My cousin had a 3 year old boy. She refused to potty train as it was "too hard". She also baby-talked to him and his preschool thought he was mentally deficient because of his slurred speech. They lived with me for 3 months. I refused to talk down to him or change him. My mother, her mother, several cousins all told her how she was mistreating the child. In three months I had him trained (with his mother's help after some coaching) and talking normally.

As for the "leave it alone if the child is ok" attitude. The child is NOT okay. This will and is hurting her development. She will be socially underdeveloped. She is more likely to have bed wetting issues well into adolescence. And the continued diaper situation just makes her physically dependent on her mother past her time to become more of her own person. The physcial dependency will translate into an crippling emotional dependency. ....... of course, maybe the mother is worried her child is growing up too fast and this is her way of ensuring she's still needed.

Answer 2

You are right to be concerned about this family .How can any mother be so stupid and neglectful . Children that age should be toilet trained it is not fair to have a well child in nappies at this age it is humiliating and the other children will not want to be friends with a child who wets and poos her self. Both my grandaughters refused to wear nappies before they were 2 years old .the eldest was 22 months and just told her Mum I dont want a nappy for bed to night mum said you have to you might wet your bed she said I wont she went to bed and got up next morning in a dry bed and never wore another nappy .The younger one kept taking her self to the toilet copying her siblings and when she had removed a few nappies mum soon got the message and put her in knickers.
This sounds like a family with problems if the teenagers are still wetting the bed.You say that this is the fathers 1st child and he thinks this is normal may be it is time a few people told him this sure as hell aint normal behaviour. The school may not accept her and the mother may be called in to change her every time she needs changing .My grandson has Hydrochyphlus and has accidents some times and his mum use to be called to change him ,staff are reluctent to have such intermate contact with a child a because it is not part of their job and if they see to 1 child 29 others are not being supervised and also because of claims of abuse.

Answer 3

This is child abuse. Poor little girl. She will be seriously behind all the other children, and get bullied. What a useless mother, and what the hell is the father doing still buying nappies and not demanding why she isn't using the toilet by now? That's what she should be doing at 4 years old, never mind the potty.

Try sitting her on the toilet, and telling her what it is used for. I would be inclined to phone social services, as this is really a serious issue, but you don't want to lose your god-daughter. Mind you, other people will have noticed as well, and you don't have to give your name.

Answer 4

maybe you could try and help if you have the child all weekend. I mean, whos to say you can try and train her some whiles she is with you, you may not get it done but still, its a start and could probably be what is needed if mom and dad wont do it... Get her some movies, potty time with elmo. or bear, bear in the big blue house has one of these videos, the library has some books on it, and let her come to the bath room with you when you go...Encourage her as much as possible, when she uses a diaper say, well when your a big girl, or some such thing, go to the dollar store and buy her some big girl undies, they have like three pair for a dollar, and tell her that if she goes potty for you then she is a big girl, that you are so proud of her, and she gets a lil prize. Bribery and praise work wonders with small children.........

Answer 5

unless the child has a problem like the one where they are unknown to soiling themselves then i cant see why the child is still in nappys for god sake it is pure lazy of her mother i mean i know every child is not the same and may take a little work and effort but no child should be in a nappy at 4 and if it is a thing the school may not take her act they wont. so just say to her if u want the child to go to school take her off the nappys or the school wont accept her.

Answer 6

That is gross, I agree. In fact it is neglect. This poor child will not be allowed into Kindergarten without being potty trained. Not to mention all other 5 yr. olds will make fun of her. If you have her on the weekend, teach her to go on the potty and tell her that nappies are for babies. If she shows an interest, which I'm sure she will, tell her mother to buy her some cute underwear (or you do it). I'd personally tell her mother that you can not watch her if she is in diapers, it is against what you believe in. I can't believe there are people out there like this!

Answer 7

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Answer 8

You could get this done on a weekend.

Show her the toilet and explain to her what it is for.

Show her how to use.

Tell her she is too old to still be crapping the diapers no matter what mom says.

Tell her she won't make any friends in school if she is wearing a diaper. Maybe show some photos of other 4 year olds so she can get a visual idea of what a 4 year old should look like going to school -they aren't wearing diapers, in other words.

Where in the world does this woman live to be saying "my husband pays for them". In the sticks where no one would notice a 4 year old and a crap filled diaper?

Answer 9

All you can do is to make suggestions like "I know that the school requires that the children be potty trained before they enter. Have you tried to potty train (name) yet?" If you keep pressing the issue then you'll just cause problems between you and your friendship. Once you've brought it up then leave it be. She'll have to deal with the frustration...and if you have a really good friendship then when she is griping to you about her probs on this particular subject, I'd raise my hands and say (name) "I don't want to even give you my advice because you didn't take it in the beginning...so this is a 'I TOLD YOU SO.'"

Answer 10

we had the same problem with our Godson who was nearly 4 before being potty trained. However when we pointed out that the Preschool wouldn't take a child in nappies the parents suddenly got motivated to potty train the child. I also refused to take the kid out as it is just embarrassing as people think it's your own kid.