What do i Do? How do i tell her?

Question

So, i am 5 wks pregnant. I am in my friends wedding in november...she already knows that i am preggers and is very happy for me!!!
But my question is her batchlorette party...i will still be in my 1st trimester and i really dont think that i will be up to going...i am soo tired and sick all day long, i can bearly get out of bed some mornings...
Plus the party is on a friday night, so i will be up @ 530-630 am for work, work 9 hours and then go to the party and not be home till like 4am...i am just not up to it...and i dont think that i should be bar hopping 3 months pregnant, and being around all that 2nd hand smoke!!!
So i do i tell her that i really dont think that i will be able to make the batchlorette party w/o her getting mad?

the party is september, and is like an hour away and we all have to pay like $100 for a limo!!!

Answer 1

I'm sure she'll understand - that's definitely a very good excuse. Ask her if there's anything you can do to help prepare for it, and ask her if there's something you can do with her afterwards, like see a movie and have a nice dinner together. Good luck - I'm sure she'll understand if she's you're friend. I hope you have a wonderful, happy, healthy baby - congrats!

Answer 2

November is a long ways away, you should be over the sickness by then (if you are 5 weeks now you will be at least 14 weeks by the beginning of November, when is the party?). As crappy as you feel now, it is really amazing how much you rebound when the first trimester draws to a close. That said, you do have valid concerns about second hand smoke and the long day (that is a long day even for the non-pregnant!). Why don't you wait until you are a little closer to the event and see if the 1st trimester symptoms fade? If they do, perhaps you can take the morning off work to sleep late and then attend a portion of the party, like dinner. I'm sure your friend will understand bar-hopping is not really advisable for the pregnant and she probably wouldn't want you dragging along not having fun just for the sake of being there.

Answer 3

You should just tell her what you said here. You will be pregnant. That means you will be tired and quite possibly nauseous etc. And a pregnant lady doesn't belong out partying and barhopping w/ 2nd hand smoke like you said!

If she doesn't understand that a pregnant lady doesn't belong out bar-hopping then there is something wrong. Maybe you could join her for some pre-party festivities? Ask whoever is planning it to plan on everyone meeting an hour or so before they go out for some appetizers, gifts etc (if people are giving gifts) and just some fun girl time that you can join in on.

I think if she is a true friend she will not only accept the fact that you can't go, but she is probably expecting that you won't be there since you are pregnant :)

Answer 4

I would discuss your concern with her but you have to make a decision first. Would you go depending on where it is and what time it started or do you not want to go no matter what? Maybe she would change the place and time if she knew you were considering coming if it wasn't in a bar and if the start time wasn't too late. If she really wants you to come and would have it in a nice restaurant and keep it simple and low-key or if she planned a spa party or something, would you go? Or maybe she could do the restaurant thing and then you could leave early and they could proceed with bar hopping afterwards? I would definitely let her know what your thoughts are first. Either way, if she's a good friend, she should understand no matter what you decide! Congrats on the baby!

Answer 5

Congrats on your pregnancy! But, the wedding isn't until November. You may feel a whole lot better by then, and maybe could go out for just a little while (maybe dinner before the bar--I agree smoke is probably not a good idea). I wouldn't get all twisted up about it now. Wait and see how you feel closer to the date. If you don't feel up to it, I'm sure your friend will understand.

Answer 6

If you want to at least go for a while and head out when you get tired, then you can make everyone happy.

Yes, secondhand smoke is bad - BUT we are talking about one isolated incident. When I was in my first trimester, I went to this family St. Patrick's Day weekend at a lodge. The main events happened to be in the bar which was unbelieveably smoky! I hated it and I was worried. But it was one weekend out of the entire pregnancy and had NO effect on my son. He is very healthy.

So, if you really don't want to go at all, that is completely your call. Just talk to her about your concerns.

But also know that there is another alternative... making an appearance and scooting out early. As someone else said, you don't have to put life on hold. Just be reasonable.

Either way, it's your call and she will most likely understand.

Answer 7

Maybe you can plan to start the party with dinner at a restaurant? You can all go to dinner and then you can go home and rest while they go out to the bars!
This is not at all uncommon and you will still be able to make an appearance at the party! (It's also a good way to include the brides mom and future MIL without bringing them to the bars)

Answer 8

I'd say give her a head's up about how you've been feeling and tell her your concerns. Tell her you'd like to go to the party, but you're not sure you'd be able to handle it and can't make any promises.

There is no rule that says you have to stay for the entire party. You could just go for an hour or so if you like. Wait and see how you feel that day, then let her know the answer then.

Good luck!

Answer 9

Surely she won't be offended that her pregnant friend doesn't want to work all day and then go bar hopping all night! One of my good friends will be 8 months pregnant by the time my wedding day gets here. All I expect her to do is attend the wedding, have a nice time, and take care of herself. She's invited to participate in as much or as little as she wants. I'm sure your friend will understand.

By the way - Congratulations to you too!

Answer 10

I'm sure she will understand. When I had my bachelorette party, a friend of mine was pregnant too. But, even though I already knew she would not be able to make it, I still invited her just so she would not feel left out. Thank your friend for the invite, tell them to have fun, and that you'll be thinking about them.