My in-laws keep our 3 month old child during the day b/c she has in home day care. The problem is they will not abide by our rules and how we want our child raised or her schedule. I don't want to offend them and I have all ready said something to them about an issue I was having before and they are still doing it. What should I do?
2007-07-25 05:09:48 · 21 answers · asked by bdlong2007 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
Both you AND your husband need to step up. It might be more effective if your husband mentions your concerns (not only on your behalf, but his as well). If money is not an issue, try to find another daycare, but keep in mind that you never know if the other day care abides by your rules. You are not there with your baby during the day and you never know what REALLY happens at the day care and if the other care provider really does as you please (As some one who has had in-law problems, I am thinking that you are a bit more sensitive since they are your in-laws. You may take it easier if some one else does all this, and it is pretty normal. I have been there!) Good luck and keep us posted.
2007-07-25 05:23:53 · answer #1 · answered by Elliem 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
By keeping your child in day care, you are already consenting to have someone else raise your child. I used to work as a nanny, and the parents were very frustrated that I had better control over their toddler than they did. They never sat down and did the math and realized that I was with him awake 8 hours a day, and they were with him awake around 2 hours a day. I was raising their child, and they were visiting their home. It's a brutal realization, but it's true. If you are choosing to have a job outside the home, that is fine and your decision, just keep in mind that someone else will basically be raising your child and there's not a lot that can be done to change that. You can try to make sure they are raised a certain way, but you will not be the main one to be doing it.
That said, they should try to follow the rules you've set. If they cannot, SWITCH DAYCARES. Keeping your family offended comes second to raising your child in the way that you believe he or she should be raised.
:) Good luck.
2007-07-25 05:30:54 · answer #2 · answered by Maber 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
If this were happening and the care provider just happened to not be related to you, would you still accept this behavior? My guess is no. Given that, it's time you look at another care provider.
You do not have to be ugly about it, just be honest. If that really isn't an option, you can always use this line "A great daycare that our little boy/girl can grow into had an opening so we've decided to move baby. It's nothing personal, just would like to avoid having to change care providers down the road." Or some variation like this that you're comfortable with.
2007-07-25 06:24:35 · answer #3 · answered by Erin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Offend away! After all, you are the parent, and it's your responsibility to raise that child according to your own rules. The grandparents are doing you a favor, they feel, by taking care of your child, but the need to get a grip on reality and realize that their job is to be there when you can't be and to be in loco parentus or parents when the parents are absent. Your job, however, is to get more firm about the way they handle your child or find other childcare.
2007-07-25 05:19:56 · answer #4 · answered by goolsby39 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I realize this is their grandchild, and I do respect that; but it is YOUR child. FYI, I have been the primary care-giver for my granddaughter (when my daughter isn't home) since she was about 2 months old; but I have ALWAYS done my best to respect my daughter's wishes regarding her daughter's care, whether I agree with them or not. Fortunately, my daughter knows I have her daughter's best interests at heart and trusts my judgment in most cases, so there hasn't been much conflict in that area.
You (AND your husband) need to sit down and have a talk - first with each other about the way you want things handled regarding the situation, and then with his parents. He is not his mommy's little boy anymore - he is YOUR husband and your baby's father. His responsibility is to YOU and his baby, so I hope he has the backbone to stand up to his mother. You don't have to be offensive, but you do have to be firm and let her know that if she won't abide by your wishes regarding your child, you'll have to find somebody else who will.
2007-07-25 06:18:06 · answer #5 · answered by Romans 8:28 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, I went through that too. Little stuff, like please don't give my baby Coca-Cola...or no, Ice cream is not an acceptable snack..blah blah blah....Talk to your husband and make sure he feels the same...if not convince him that if she doesn't respect your ways you will have to find someone else. My hubby is very close to his mom and was trying to just let her do what she wanted with the ol "she raised me and I turned out all right" bit. But I finally convinced him that she is not raising our kids the way she raised him. She is in grandma mode and wants to coddle and make the baby happy by giving the baby whatever she wants (yes even at 3 months they know what they want) I finally had to find another caretaker. The grandparents already had their chance at raising children and they have to respect that the parents are adults and can make good decisions even though they may do things differently. If they won't accept it, supervised visits is the way to go.
Good Luck in a very tough situation, but remember you don't want to have to look back and think, I should have set my foot down and offended them, because now my daughter/son is a terror!
2007-07-25 05:44:04 · answer #6 · answered by Crystal 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell them that they need to follow her sleeping and eating schedule and other rules otherwise you will need to find other PROFESSIONAL daycare that will abide. They may be offended at upset, but what is right for you baby and having consistancy in the way you raise her are more important.
2007-07-25 05:16:04 · answer #7 · answered by Malina 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband need to sit down and takl with them and explain you want them to watch your child but will have to cease this if they cannot abide by your rules although I can promise you,you will have even less luck with strangers caring for your children so I would work out the best compromise with your MIL at least you know your child is safe with her.
2007-07-25 05:43:27 · answer #8 · answered by Beautiful Dreamer 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are the parent and it is your job to make sure that your child is being taken care of. Regardless of who you offend...
I also have to wonder what kind of rules you have for a 3 month old....??? What kind of schedule are you trying to have for a 3 month old? Babies of that age should be eating and sleeping on demand.
2007-07-25 05:15:08 · answer #9 · answered by Heather 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First kid, huh? :)
Pick your battles.
She's only 3 months old, what are they doing, letting her sleep too long at nap time? That used to drive me nuts, just tell them that if she sleeps too much during the day she won't sleep at night and you will be exhausted at work the next day.
Other than that, everything should revolve around HER schedule for now.
2007-07-25 05:25:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋