I just have to have him (THE older man of my dreams)?

Question

I am completely head over heels for an older man (about 15 years older!!). He is the most lovely person i have ever known but i think even if he feels the same about me as i do about him, he would think any sort of relationship would be inappropriate becasue of the age difference. How can i show him i'm interested without embarrassing myself?? It is also a bit more complicated as he is my lecturer at uni and thus far has had a very positive effect on my future career so i don't want him to think this is some sort of extreme student gratitude!! please please help me. I will go down any road- whether it be a direct seduction or some sort of subtle advice. I have no idea how to go about this!

Answer 1

Why not ask him if he has a little time for a coffee after he´s last lecture,as you would like to have a chat!!

Answer 2

If he is truly wise, attempts to seduce him will most likely cause him to distance himself from you. Especially if he is your professor. Keep in mind that a professional instructor may lose his job if he pursues a relationship with one of his students. I would follow the suggestions which came before me and not engage this man in a relationship, or put him in a situation where it could look like you are in a relationship with him, until after you no longer have class with him. This could also, possibly, get you suspended or expelled from the school, depending on how the evidence shows you handled the situation.

I suggest you thoroughly consider what is going on rationally. All human emotions are a roller coaster ride. Even in the loss of a loved one, one goes through periods of great sorrow, followed by periods where it seems as if the loss had never taken place - and the pattern continues. Human emotions are not a constant, but continually vary. This includes feelings of 'true love', lust, infatuation, whatever. If you believe in falling in love, you must also believe in falling out of love, the evidence clearly supports this if you consider the 50% divorce rate and the common characteristics all human emotions have with each other.

It sounds to me like you do not know this guy very well yet. You have probably had some limited personal interactions with him and noticed some of his good qualities. On noticing these good qualities, I suspect you may have filled in the gaps to create a sort of ideal person that probably doesnt exist. Everyone has a tendancy to do this when they first meet people, even if they dont realize it - filling in the gaps.

So before jumping to any conclusions and doing anything rash, I'd suggest calming down and taking it easy. Be skeptical of your own feelings and conclusions about this guy and spend some time trying to prove yourself wrong about the positive attributes you think this guy possesses. If, after you have sought out every reason not to pursue a relationship with this man, you still want to date him, then I would suggest beginning to consider getting to know him outside of his work environment [e.g. start with a simple cup of coffee or something] (take this gradually and slowly, with caution and discretion).

Answer 3

This can be good or bad, but you won't know until you try it. The real test is the maturity levels of the individuals, not the age difference. Are you both at the same level of maturity? If not, there will be problems. If so, you can keep growing together. Significant age differences can be abnormal but do not have to be. They happen for all sorts of reasons. They can be very beneficial or harmful… depending on the individuals. If the youngest is a very mature person, it can work. And the older person can mentor and teach the younger a lot of things… and not just about sex. Although learning how to make love is an acquired skill. Learning how to be a good partner is also an acquired skill set. And the younger can often teach the older person things, including how to have a zest for life that one starts to loose as an older person and gets a little jaded by life and it’s travails. But in general, the risks do out weigh the benefits. AND in no case should anyone 17 or older have any kind of a relationship with someone under 17. Can you say Hard Time?

Answer 4

First things first, since you mentioned that he is older, that tells me that you have the problem with the age thing. If not then you might have said something like, I know this guy and he is my lecturer, and he is so sweet and I am totally in love! It seems to be you in your own feeling discomfort about the age gap. It seems as well you are very young and not as grown up as he. Yes this sounds hard, you have many things to do and accomplish in your life. So why mess it up and take the chance on messing up his over a crush you seem to have. It may very well be that this man is just being himself doing his job and you have taken it the wrong way. I would step out, take a fresh breath and look around before I do anything else. This man may already have a life that he is very happy with and you have misunderstood the things that he is doing for you and with you! It does seem to me that you have a crush on this man.

Answer 5

Desperation is not a turn on. If he is a professor/lecturer at your school I would advise against heavily persuing this.

Try asking him out for coffee, or try to find a very interesting academic lecture that will get you both in the same place at the same time. Given his age and profession, that would be a pretty safe way to get ur foot in the door, and open up opportunity for conversation. I say build a personal relationship with him FIRST so he has a chance to get to know you as a woman, vs a student... and THEN go for the gusto. But dont start off that way...

Answer 6

I would not be concerned so much about the age difference. My parents were 15 years apart and had a great marriage. I would be concerned that he is your lecturer.

His professional code of conduct very well might prevent him from entertaining the thought of entering a relationship with you, especially if you will be his student again in a class. I would not pursue him until you are finished with your studies, so there will no suspicion of impropriety on his part. But if you are hell bend on pursuing him, then be sure not to take any more classes from him.

I would not try to be too direct. Do not try to jump his bones immediately. If anything, start with as innocent as a cup of coffee. And move slowly from there.

Answer 7

Be mature and wait. I suppose you could ask him to go for coffee or something. Are you sure he is not taken or married? If he is that much of a dream, then why is he not taken? Be careful, and good luck. If he is really interested in you, you shouldn't have to do anything to embarrass yourself. Let nature take its course, tell him you are not after anything other than his company. Don't play games, as an older guy, they don't like that.

Answer 8

How do you know he feels the same way?

It sounds like high school crush to me. Make sure the feelings are mutual before you go and make a fool of yourself. Lots of girls become infatuated with their professor, he's intelligent, educated, has a good job, older, he probably said something to you along the lines of you being smart or a good student and now you have a crush.

Have you been in a relationship before, a serious one?

Answer 9

Until you're no longer a 'student' of his, I wouldn't approach the issue (it could be deemed inappropriate and put his job there at risk).

However, once he's no longer your lecturer then why not ask him to join you for coffee/drink and see what happens?

You'll never know what's possible until you give it a go...you've got nothing to lose.

Answer 10

Remember a couple of things.

1-Student/teacher relationships are usually against school rules
2-What could you possibly have in common besides the class he lectures
3-He might have done this or be doing this with several other female students (find out)
4-Where will the relationship end up, just a quick college fling for you???

Think about this before acting.