My brother in law moved in with us until he got himself sorted. My husband got him a job. He is here 7 weeks now and he has not even looked for a place, he says one week he is going back home and then he is staying but he has done absolutely nothing to move on. I don't mind helping people but it really annoys me when people take advantage. he doesn't pay rent or food or any bills while he is with us. My husband is also annoyed about it and has suggested he go but he is still here even though it is obvious that we are unhappy with the situation. As he is my husbands brother would it be really bad to just sit him down and ask him to leave, he will be here two months this weekend.
2007-07-25 00:09:11 · 10 answers · asked by nik 28 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You need to tell him you need your space back.
2007-07-25 01:40:27 · answer #1 · answered by ncgirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think in this situation you and your husband have to present a united front.
This needs to handled properly as you don't want to cause a huge split in the family.
Discuss it with your husband, and preferably the rest of his family, beforehand, but you need to approach your brother-in-law and say something like "We care about you deeply, but it is time you left - you have four weeks to find somewhere to live, but, four weeks from now, you will be leaving."
There is nothing wrong with giving him a dead-line. If you can afford it you could also offer to help him with his first months rent, if that is what he needs to get somewhere.
If you could have the rest of the family's support, so much the better, it's not that you are abandoning him, it is just time that he got back on his feet - support him in that, but make it clear that he can't stay with you.
Good Luck!
2007-07-25 01:14:01 · answer #2 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi...
you could have established house rules and your expectations for him to stay only for a certain period of time, BEFORE he moved in... people who make a temporary home with us need to help around the house, including buying their own food, and being responsible.
since you and the husband gave him no time limit or house rules, he is doing what most people do -- taking advantage (i can't believe people are like this, but they are!).
your husband was very kind to get your brother in law a job, as well... i thought that was great.
YES i agree, it's time for you and your husband to give his brother a time limit to move out, and let him know you expect him to contribute to the groceries, at least.
take care... i hope you get some good answers here
2007-07-25 00:16:00 · answer #3 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No it would not be bad to sit him down and ask him to leave. He has been given enough time to mend himself and to be able to move on.He got very comfortable in your house from the hospitality,not to say that you did anything wrong, Just that he got used to being on easy street for awhile and got it in his head that he wasn't a problem. It's common for family or friends to get used to having stress and hardship taken off their shoulders for awhile and not wanting to leave that comfort zone. But enough is enough when it comes down to the point where they have the ability to get out and start over on their own.
Sit him down with your husband and tell him that the time has come for him to leave and find a place of his own.It doesn't have to be a big place but still he needs to find something to move into.The point that you are trying to make is that you and your husband want to have your peace back and you didn't mind helping him out for awhile but it is time that he moved on.He has what he needs to get settled and he can do it on his own now.
The only thing that you ask of him is to return the favor one day to someone else who may need his help just like you both gave your help to him.What goes around cpmes around.Especially when it's a good deed done unto others.Good luck and put a time frame on him finding a home.It'll motivate him to move a bit quicker.
2007-07-25 02:04:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you need to sit him down together with your husband so he knows your both in agreement. remember the way you say things is more important than what you say. start out by saying, "we would like to know your plans". your not straight out kicking him out the door, but it leaves it open for him to pave his own exit. it takes time to find a apartment, but you need to let him know that you want to see him actively looking for it everyday and in the mean time you would like for him to contribute some money b/c feeding 3 mouths compared to 2 is straining your budget. make sure that what ever time frame you come up with, if its not met then he has go back home to his parent and continue his apt search from there.
2007-07-25 00:54:03 · answer #5 · answered by mimi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No... Don't be rude...
You don't love him??? Your husband doesn't love his brother??
"What you do to others comes back to you"
He might not be helping you out now... Maybe when in future ..when you really need a favour...He'll be there to help you or your children :) n if its not him it will be someone else... only when you offer to help others you would be helped when u r in a critical situation.... Would you do the same if he was your own brother dearie???
2007-07-25 00:19:50 · answer #6 · answered by cho 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You and your husband should not ask him to leave, you need to TELL him to get the hell out, the free ride is over.
2007-07-25 00:36:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
have a talk with the 3 of u and sort things out
2007-07-25 00:12:55 · answer #8 · answered by ^!$#~U 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
no its actually the best thing to do, ask him to move on, and let him know it was nice having him.. let your husband do most of the talking
2007-07-25 00:14:15 · answer #9 · answered by yukd 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you have a user on your hands--get him out before it gets worse-
2007-07-25 00:14:14 · answer #10 · answered by doberhoney1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋