I stop seeing this chick cause she told me she has herpes. It made her cry. I feel bad. Am I a bad person?

Question

We didn't kiss or anything so I'm relieved. But I can't help but feel for her knowing that the rest of her life guys are going to shy away from her each time she tells them. Man that sucks for her.

I know 50% of the poulation has herpes. That's called oral herpes. When people say they have herpes, they mean genital herpes. Here's the crazy thing I left out, she has had two previous boyfriends and chose not to tell them and had slept with them (protected sex by the way) and for some reason maybe she really liked me she chose to tell me. I'm not sure how to feel about that. Lucky or touched. Maybe both.

Answer 1

The people who are here defending her and bashing you have herpes. Its too bad, but its not wrong of you to watch your back and stay away from her. yes you can still be with her and be careful, but if you just met her and there arent enough feelings there to hold you there with her, why stay? You made the right choice by leaving if it was that simple of a decision for you.
Noe if you really loved her and then you found out, maybe youd want to work it out.
Dont let these other ppl with herpes make you feel bad. You did the right thing for you and her.

Oh yea and no not almost everyone has it, you herpes infected morons who are trying to make yourselves feel better. Im not saying youre dirty for having herpes, it can happen to anyone, but dont try to act like everyone has it to make yourself feel better. Everyone does not.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

No, doesn't mean your bad but we all have problems. She wasnt born with it. Some jerk gave it to her probably. At least she was honest about it unlike so many others out there who just wont tell you. My wife,who i met 4 years ago has herpes. Both types, one affects the lip area and other genital area. She was also honest about it. After the shock and calming down, I realized this was a very honest woman (better than most will ever be). She contracted the disease through her ex husband who slept around on her. So, how can i blame her? She is an exceptional woman and ver honest and faithful. Obviously i learned about the disease more and the risks and have easily adopted to a almost compleltely normal lifestyle with her both with kiss ing and sexually. We abstain from any contact during her outbreaks which are very rare (maybe once or twice ayear). Anyway, thats just me. If you have certain criteria about others that is your choice. I don't feel it makes you bad, unless you have judged her for something she can't control. Imagine how you might feel if a woman decided not to see you for the same.

Answer 4

My best friend has had genital herpes for about eight months now, and it's been really rough. She's had about 7 outbreaks. Everywhere I read it says it stops flaring up so much after time, but its not getting less frequent for her. She's been on Antiviral meds the whole time, too. She also has type 1 diabetes which she has had her whole life, which really weakens her immune system. Will it ever get better?

But after a friend share this video everything has changed.
Natural Safe Herpes Remedy?

Answer 5

What did you do or say? How long had you been dating her? She was probably far too scared to tell anyone before and chose to tell you to see how you'd react. Either that or she really liked you. Either way you just proved how right she was to be scared. Maybe next time you will be the guy that one of those one in four girls who's got it don't tell.

I have herpes and the thing I most fear in the world is rejection for it. I have actually told three men and all were fine about it. But I think if a man I had liked enough to take a chance on and tell because I wanted to start off being honest with him did that to me I would feel like killing myself. It would take me a very very long time to get over it, if I ever did. Why else do you think she cried? Someone with herpes doesn't want your pity, she wants to be liked for who she is as a person and not to be rejected for something that she didn't ask for, can't change, and that has nothing to do with who she is. No, not all men will avoid her. Some are actually understanding. Herpes bears a stigma that is far beyond the reality. In reality it is absolutely no worse than oral herpes. You don't get it any more often, it doesn't have worse physical symptoms. Having people reject you like that is the only reason it is difficult to have. I like a guy at the moment and if he reacts like that when I tell him I will cry myself to sleep for days. It may be years before I feel like facing another man if he rejects me.

And about oral herpes. That is normally caused by hsv1. I caught hsv1 genitally through oral sex. If you practice oral sex as well as intercourse and you don't get cold sores you are as likely to get herpes genitally from one of those people with cold sores as from someone with genital herpes type2. And if they have genital herpes hsv1, they are only one quarter as likely to give you genital herpes through intercourse as someone with oral herpes is by giving you oral sex. It is stigma that makes you see genital herpes as worse.

To posters below - no I am not a leper and have no intention of looking for a nice man with herpes and limiting myself because I have a common virus. I would rather date someone for their personality than their herpes status.

Answer 6

You are right. It does suck. But her actions with her previous partners are the norm. She told you, and that should mean something.

As for stats. Actually about 90% of the population ends up with type 1 herpes. That can be oral OR genital. There are not stats to confirm location of type 1, but about 30% of new genital herpes cases are currently caused by type 1. 25% of women have type 2 herpes. You look at the odds. You have probably already been with someone who has herpes. And yes, herpes are herpes. You cannot assume genital based on that tag alone. Many people with oral herpes refer to themselves as herpes positive.

Now keeping this in mind. You now are with someone who has type 1 herpes in their mouth. Will you refuse to have oral sex with them? The chance of you getting herpes that was is VERY common. (remeber the 30% stat)

Another interesting fact. If you use condoms and she takes suppressive therapy, the chance of you catching herpes from her are less than her chance of getting pregnant. You have a 1% chance of catching genital herpes after having sex for a full year. Her chance of getting pregnant is 1-2%

And yet another thing to keep in mind. 90% of those with herpes do not know they have it. So, since 1 in 4 have it, and 90% do not know it, there is a VERY good chance you have already been with someone who has it and does not know it. Having sex with someone who does not know they have it increases your risk of contracting it to closer to 5%.

That is a lot of info and a lot of numbers. The short version is almost everyone has some form of herpes. If you wish to keep yourself herpes negative, you need to go in for a type specific blood test to find out your own stats. You also need to request this test for each person you have any oral or sexual contact with. It will not prevent you from getting it, but it is about the only thing you can do to make your chances of contracting it even lower than having sex with someone who is aware of their status and working to control the transmission.

Answer 7

Actually when some one tells u they have herpes that includes genital, oral, every type. Its all the same so if I was u I would go get checked out ok gross

Answer 8

it's your decision whether or not to date her. if you know you cant deal with it then don't. but dont let this be the only reason you stop seeing her. look at her as a whole person, her character, her values. the fact that she slept with someone without telling says alot about her. i would be more worried about that then the herpes.

Answer 9

I'm sure she has gotten this same response before and no it doesn't make you a bad person. No one wants herpes and I would have done the same thing. It's a good thing she was honest enough to tell you

Answer 10

Yes and no. No because you were just trying to be cautious and not catch anything. Yes because there are lots of people who do have herpes and still manage to have relationships with others who do and don't have herpes. It's just about being careful.