Would be ok with the host if I brought myself a great big ol' rib-eye to eat to party hosted by a Vegan?

Question

I recently hosted a party for my daughters b-day. I served a brisket (smoked for 10 hours), jerked chicken (smoked for 4 hours), bacon ranch potato salad, and beans. During the party, I came across one girl sitting quietly in the corner, crying, because we didn't have anything for her to eat (the beans had Ham in it), and she was hungry. So I told her to get in my truck, we went down and got her a salad from Wendy's. Later, when her mom picked her, she told her what happened. The mom was livid, "how dare I invite her vegan child and not serve something she could eat" was the question that this question reminded me of. The invitation clearly stated that Bar-B-Que would be served, but I thought I was still bending over backwards to feed her child.

So I'm wondering, if it would be ok with the host if I brought myself a great big ol' rib-eye to eat a Vegan party? And, would it be OK for me scream at the host for not providing meat for me eat?

Answer 1

In general, of course it would not be OK if you hauled along your own steak to a dinner you had been told would be vegan. Propriety, as I learned it at the knees of my Southern Lady mother, demands that when one is a guest one eats what one is served. The only exception to that rule would be a food allergy.

On the other hand, a host or hostess does have a duty to their guests to make some provision for special diets that they know about. And let me stress the "know about." It is not your duty as a host to go around asking each of your guests what they can and can't eat. Nor is it your duty to provide a special meal for someone who simply does not like what you happen to serve. Now, if you knew that one of your guest happened to be allergic to shellfish (or they told you) then you would be remiss to not have something that individual could eat.

It is not your personal responsibility to canvass each and every person that your daughter invites to a party for their food preferences. And a vegan lifestyle is a food preference, not a food obligation in the same way that an allergy is.

Your daughter probably did know that her friend was a vegan and likely forgot. Had she thought to tell you, I'm sure you would have had something available for the young lady. Water over the dam now.

The mother, on the other hand, was exceedingly rude in her response to you. Obviously she should have realized, even if her teen daughter did not, that a barbecue involves meat. Mostly meat at most of them. The young lady should have either brought along her own veggie burgers (I'm SURE she has run into this before) or simply not attended the party, extending her regrets with a simple "I'm sorry - I'm vegan. I don't eat barbecue."

Vegetarianism is a life-style choice. It is one that most people are happy to accommodate if they know about it, but there is absolutely no social requirement that demands this kind of accommodation.

You might want to pick up a package of the frozen Veggie Burger patties to keep on hand should something like this happen again. (Much quicker than a trip to Wendy's.) The mushroom ones seem to be the most popular. And don't forget to have a green salad :)

Answer 2

If the host is the same Mom of the vegan child, go for it.

How unutterably rude she was to fuss at you. You had clearly stated on the invite that it was a BBQ, and instead of calling ahead to let you know her child was vegan (so that accomodations could be made ahead of time) she just sent her child to the party. You were wonderfully nice to take the girl and buy her a salad at Wendy's, you didn't have to, you could always have just raided the fridge or made the kid a peanut butter sandwich.

Answer 3

I think it was really nice of you to take the girl to Wendy's when the invitation stated it was a BBQ.
As far as you bringing a rib eye to a vegan party would totally depend on who was hosting the party. Like if it were your sister or brother or a close friend, I would say they wouldn't mind,knowing you are not vegetarian but if you are only an acquaintance to the host,I would eat the rib eye before going to the party.

Answer 4

I dont really get it. People try to compare hosts serving vegans vegan food (ie vegetable-oh boy thats difficult)-to vegans needing to serve meat eaters meat. Now think to yourself...is that really comparable?? I dont see any argument in which it would be horrible for a meat eater to eat vegetables or other non meat items...(they do all the time)...as oppose to vegans/vegetarians adjusting to eating meat for a day.. Huge difference, get it?

Thats not to say I would throw a fit if I went to a party and no vegan options were available to me. Sounds like this was a young girl , (kid?), so of course her reaction would be entirely different. Her parent should have been the one being more attentive, and if need be sent her with something to eat. I often bring my own food to family gatherings/friends parties. I hate to think of my family or friends having to go out of their way to create an extra dish for me when they are already doing so much. It should be norm though that there is always something veg like..sadly our society is enslaved by meat and dairy if you ask me. A good sign as to why we live in such an unhealthy time. Ya, I am ranting now..but back to the subject.. I would not cook meat for anyone. There is no reason for me to do that, just as I dont expect anything either. If you bring your own food, whatever....but I wouldnt allow steak to be on my grill..and I am sure I am not the only one who'd feel that way..ie..have it prepared elsewhere.

:)

Answer 5

First the mother should have informed you that they (or at least the daughter) were a vegan family.
True Vegans are very militant about their diet and if you (or anyone) brought any kind of meat (or dairy) to their house even if you were the only one going to eat it. You would be asked to leave. Any cooking pans/ utensils have never been in contact with meat and there is a theory among Vegans that the meat/dairy juices will stay on the cookwear forever. That is why is most vegetarian type restaurants there is separete cookwear and utensils to deal with the non vegetarian dishes that are served.

Answer 6

I'm vegan and am very much against eating meat, but...what that mom did seemed out of line. She should have explained to you her daughter was vegan or at least brought a vegan dish for everyone that they could all share so that her daughter wouldn't feel out of place. And what you did was going out of the your way and was really nice. If I were her mom, I would have thanked you.

Even though I'm vegan for animal rights and against buying meat, I'd bring a steak to her party just to piss her off. But anyway, that's just me. And it might not be that wise of advice because I guess she'd yell at you for that too. I'd still do though because I'd get a good laugh out of it.

Edit:
I don't think it's thoughtless or wrong for the hostess to only serve vegan. Everyone can eat vegetables without feeling bad, the same doesn't go for meat so normally I wouldn't advise people to bring meaty dishes to a vegan party. It seems rude and out of place.

Anyway, I still go by what I say about brinking a steak in this particular case.

Answer 7

I have often wondered if a vegan was throwing a party, why would she expect her guests to eat vegan food? What would keep her from serving non-vegan food? I think their belief that non-vegan stuff will linger in their pans/utensils is poor excuse, no disrespect. There are ways around it. Order non-vegan food and serve them on disposables, that way it doesn't "infect" their everyday plates/utensils, etc. I went to a vegan party like that and thought it was thoughtless of the host to serve only vegan. Clearly all the guests, including myself, were all non-vegan. I know this because I knew all of them.

The mother had no right to be livid with you. She knew her daughter was going to a BBQ, she should've known better and fed her daughter before going to your party.

Next time I go to a vegan party, I make sure I don't go hungry.

Answer 8

What I Shall Bring: "Cheseburger In Paradise"- Jimmy Buffet "Wild Honey Pie"- The Beatles "Fork and Knife"- Brand New "Pollen and Salt"- Daphne Loves Derby "Brownies For Paris"- Day "Soup Is Good Food"- Dead Kennedys "Everybody's Free to Wear Sunscreen!"- Baz Luhrmann "Honey Kiwi"- DJ Masque "Alaskan Flounder Basket"- iwrestledabearonce "Custard Pie"- Led Zeppelin "Empty Glasses"- Scary Kids Scaring Kids "Spoonman"- Soundgarden "Mayonasie"- Smashing Pumpkins "Swords, Dragons, and Diet Coke"- The Devil Wears Prada With all of this food I'm sure our "Bellies Are Full". When: "August 28th 3:30 A. M."- Automatic Loveletter Where: "Africa"- The Pinstripes Well now I am hungry. :P

Answer 9

Well stated - non veg will go out of their way to accommodate a veg even as you did to take the child out for a veg option leaving your own child's party (good host and what a superb example you set for your child as well as the other child). The other parent was an ill mannered oaf and If they invite you to one of their todo's you should be sure to remind them you eat meat and if they won't be so kind as to accommodate you you will bring your own. It is time Veg types realize it is a 2 way street and if they want respect they should show some!

Answer 10

Since you can eat anything, you can be vegan for a day. She can only eat things which are okay for vegans so she cannot compromise. You are the one who will need a change for a day. Please do not bring the rib as that would be very disrespectful.

I become vegetarian for a day when I'm with my vegetarian friends but they do not do the same for me since they cannot.