Who has the right to have my husbands 40th party the mom or the wife?

Question

She wants to have the party at her house and invite their old friends and I the wife want to have his party at my house with family.

Answer 1

It should be the wife, because he's not under parental authority anymore. He has stopped being "her" baby some 20 years ago!

Haven't you heard of that verse, a man's your son till he gets him a wife, a daughter's your daughter for the rest of your life?

But hey, why sweat it? Two parties are always better than one. Have yours on the day itself, hers on the day after or the day before.

Answer 2

I believe as the wife you have the right to put down your foot and say the party should be at your house, but she is your mother in law. It might not be worth the fight. I would suggest that you compromise and suggest that both of you create a guests list that includes friends and family and have it at the house that accomodates that number of people the best. If it's her house the good thing is it will be a lot less work for you, no pre/post party clean, food prep, etc. Also, it will probably less expensive.

Answer 3

I would hope for your sake that you would not really want to make a huge issue out of who hosts the birthday party, you or your mother in law. That is, assuming you intend to stay married to the man. He did not stop being her son the day he married you. Wise women do not try to make their husbands choose between their wife and their mother.

There is no reason that you cannot both have a Big 40 party and that would be the smartest thing to do - let her have a party at her home with old friends and you host a party at yours with family.

Answer 4

By most normal standards, it should be the wife. But to stop any family feuds and ruin his birthday with animosity between the two of you - join forces pick a neutral location and the money you would each spend at your homes, put together to cover the costs.
Then you can invite old friends and family. Have "Mommy" work on maybe a slide show (power point or something) using his old pics as say a then & now video show to allow her the "special" gift

And you can do say a "How great a hubby & Dad we have" from your family kinda presentation

He's got two people fighting over who will give him a special birthday- work together and show him how special he is to the both of you and it'll be a birthday he won't forget. Plus no man would be happier to see the 2 most important women in his life working together to make him feel special

Answer 5

I can understand both sides of the arguement. I side with you because you are his spouse; and therefore, you should host the party. However, your mother-in-law is thinking that he's her son, and she should be able to throw the party if she wants to.

Can you compromise with your mother-in-law? You don't want to offend her because it could lead to tension within the family. I don't know how your relationship is like with her, but you would not want to hurt her feelings, or worst yet, have her talk about you to her other children behind your back.

Why don't you sit down with her and tell her that you would like to hear her ideas; however, she has to hear your ideas also. From there, you two can compromise and have an even better party for your husband. Remember, if you two work together, your husband will have an even better party. One that he will remember for a very long time. Also, isn't it about him vs. where and whom the party is thrown?

Sit down with your mother-in-law and calmly talk it out. You will both feel better, and there will be no animosity. Again, it is better to work together, have help, and have the most amazing party than to have bitter feelings and awkwardness. Also, your husband will see the tension, and he might not enjoy the party as much as you would like him to.

Have a great time, and I wish your husband a great birthday.

Answer 6

The wife trumps. I think it is in the best interest of the birthday boy if maybe the two of you can compromise and invite all the people that want to share in the special day or have two seperate parties. Remember, this is about him and his birthday ... not the mom or the wife.

Answer 7

didn't they cut the cord? The Wife, not the Mom. Ur house& pave the road 2 smooth mother in laws feelings, let her invite a few of the old friends but draw the line @ old girl friends!

Answer 8

He is your husband. And I think you have the right. My son is 39 and just got married, to a lovely girl. Now I love to cook for them, but I hope I know my place. I had parties for him for years. Now is her turn. I would not hurt her feelings for anything. If his Mother knows, you want to have the party for him, she should step back and say nothing more about it.
She might offer to bring something to help out. But again that is up to you. I want to be a good Mother in Law. And I know some people are going to say, this is a little thing, it is not, it's a biggie. Good Luck and Stand your Ground.

Answer 9

Perhaps you could have two parties, such as one of you holding a party that's conveniently on the weekend for friends who work, and a second party on the actual date of the birthday.

Another possibility might be to have a "get together" at his mother's house (sort of like a family reunion type of get-together) for lunch and during the afternoon, and then in the evening have your smaller more intimate party with family at your house.

Answer 10

You as the wife shoule be in charge. You can of course ask her for suggestions so she feels a part of it and possibly get a list of a few people she thinks should be invited. But it's definitely your place to plan the part if you want to .