If it's okay to soothe a child who's lost a pet or relative w/ fairytales of heaven. Why not for adults too?

Question

"Even an atheist is tempted to lie to a bereaved child, that the loved person or animal is not really dead, just somewhere else healthy and happy. Soothing that pain is about the only legitimate function of religious lies."
— Roedy

Dreamstuff: you are nothing if not thorough!

Roko: dude, sorry but I think it's kind of lame. Couldn't your question have waited until you were able to ask it tomorrow? At least ask something that is somewhat related to my question.

Answer 1

A child's belief is harmless.

However, consider the evils of religion:


The Crusades.
The Inquisition.
Witch trials in Europe and America.
The Divine right of Kings (valid until killed by another Divinely-appointed King).
Missionaries destroying/converting smaller, "heathen" religions and cultures.
Missionaries such as Mother Teresa.
The demonization of other religions, e.g. Christianity demonizing Pagans ("They're devil-worshippers!"), the Romans demonizing Christians ("They're atheists and cannibals!").
Persecution of Heretics - e.g. Galileo for daring to suggest that the Earth orbits the Sun.
Children dying because their parents refused them medical treatment on religious grounds; relying instead on faith-healers and prayer.
Slavery, supposedly supported by scripture ("Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, just as you would obey Christ.", St.Paul, Ephesians 6:5)
Holy wars - followers of different faiths (or even the same faith) killing each other in the name of their (benevolent, loving and merciful) gods.
The destruction of great works of art considered to be pornographic/blasphemous, and the persecution of the artists.
Censorship (often destructive) of speech, art, books, music, films, poetry, songs and, if possible, thought.
Persecution/punishment of blasphemers (Salman Rushdie still has a death sentence on him), and blasphemy laws in general.
The requirement of theism in order to stand for public office or to testify in court.
Serial killers believing they are doing the work of Satan (or sometimes Jesus).
Often-fatal exorcisms by priests believing they are destroying the work of Satan.
People suffering dreadful injury or death in the belief that their faith has made them invulnerable (e.g. people climbing into lion enclosures at zoos, with a Bible as protection).
Whole societies divided by minor differences in belief or doctrine, often resulting in violence.
Mass suicides of cult-members following a charismatic leader who believes the world is about to End (most recently, the Heaven's Gate and Solar Temple cults - there will be more as we approach the year 2000).
The attempted genocide of followers of a particular faith (e.g. the Jewish Holocaust, "ethnic cleansing" in former Yugoslavia).
Blood sacrifices to appease the Gods, or to ensure a good harvest. (The Aztecs made daily human sacrifices to ensure that the Sun would rise. Or did they? )
The practice of "female circumcision" (more accurately termed genital mutilation).
The discouragement of rational, critical thought (resulting in young-earth creationists, for example).
Uncontrolled population growth caused (or at least helped) by churches prohibiting birth-control and abortion. (You can also add : unwanted pregnancies, ill-fated forced marriages, and pregnant teenagers condemned to a life in mental institutions to avoid embarrassing their families.)
The spread of sexually transmitted diseases (e.g. AIDS) due to churches prohibiting the use of condoms.
Believers whipping, impaling, poisoning or crucifying themselves during religious festivals as a demonstration of their faith and piety.
Suicide bombers taught to believe that martyrs go straight to Paradise.
The indoctrination of children into the religion of their parents, giving them an arbitrary, life-long belief that is almost entirely dependent on their place of birth.
Women treated as second-class citizens or even slaves Persecution of homosexuals
Abuse of power, authority and trust by religious leaders (for financial gain or sexual abuse of followers and even children).
Minor religions ("cults") stockpiling weapons to defend themselves from the Armies Of Satan (i.e. the police and the government).

Answer 2

Well, first of all, I think people need to learn the difference between FACT and OPINION. Some people don't believe in heaven or hell. That is their OPINION. Not a fact.

Let's suppose an atheist wants to soothe a child after the death of a loved one, or a pet. I believe (this is my OPINION) that it would be wrong to lie to them. On the other hand, it would ALSO be wrong for the parent to pass off opinion as fact. I would suggest saying something like, "I believe this, but other people believe that." And then add something like, "But no one knows for sure. Just know that your pet (or loved one) is out of pain now, and if there is a heaven, they're there."

The rest of the quote you provided, again, is OPINION. Why do so many people insist that all religions are false? It is NOT a fact. It is an opinion. Perhaps it's an opinion based on research, but it's still an opinion.

I know this doesn't thoroughly answer the question, but I'm completely disgusted with the people who try to pass off opinion as fact. Both sides do it (religious and nonreligious) and I'm tired of it.

Answer 3

See, I've never lied to my children about death. They have had pets who have died, and I never told them any fantasy story about where they went. I did, however, tell them that they will live on in their minds and hearts - which is truth. I have no proof of a place where anyone or anything that has died lives on in a different life, and I've seen no reason to decieve them about it.

The honest deaths of their pets helped prepare them for their grandmother's death this last winter; they understood that those were the last days they were going to get to spend with her, and they each took the time to say what they wanted to her, to let her know she was loved. Yes, they grieved - who wouldn't at the loss of a loved one? But I think - and they believe - that it was easier for them to go on with life afterward, because there was no potential fantasy about seeing her again someday.

How do I know this? I asked. They're very communicative teenagers if you talk to them.

But if a fantasy helps comfort an adult, and will do no harm, and they truly wish to believe in it, let them.

Answer 4

I am not sure if it is better to tell honestly or to cheapen the value of life by denying the reality of death.
The major problem is not the pain of loosing a loved one, because like it or not the pet or parent is gone. When this is an adult behaviour then it is much more questionable.

Answer 5

LOL...

A Legitimate function for telling lies is telling legitimate untruths nonetheless. Where should the line be drawn on legitimacy?

[][][] r u randy? [][][]
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To The_Cricket: ... You're right, some people don't know the difference between opinion and facts. Opinion based on facts is factual opinion. I suggest that you are the one confused - that's an opinion based on the fact of your statement.... um ... a factual opinion.
.

Answer 6

It would not be telling a lie if the pet dies, all pets go to heaven when they die. I can speak about people going to heaven because my heart stopped about a year ago. My son is a born again christian. I lead him to the LORD about two years ago. One morning I was eating and my heart stopped for about three minutes. I am a born christian also. Anyway, my son seen me with my head leaned back on the chair. My eyes were rolled back in my head. He put his hands on my shoulder and screamed, "IN THE NAME OF JESUS COME BACK TO LIFE!! ! ! ! ! !" He said I started to shake all over, saying, "WHAT, WHAT, WHAT," I then told him to call 911. I was then taken to the St. Francis West. If he had waited to call 911, chances are I would not be alive today to tell you about it.
As for telling a child the person that died is in heaven is not a good idea, unless of course he or she has ask Jesus to come into their heart and to be saved. That is the only way you can tell that child they are in a better place. If you don't know if they are a christian is better to tell them that you don't know where their soul is. The end is near.........for me almost sooner than I thought. Think about it....................

Answer 7

My parents never told me that ****. In fact I was raised Atheist and when I was seven my grandfather died. I was very upset and my uncle was trying to tell me not to worry because grandpa was in heaven. I was raised atheist and I was pissed that my uncle would tell me a lie like that. I felt he was undermining my pain. I personally would never tell my kid something like that. That's being dishonest. There are ways to tell a child about the death of a pet or family without lying about a god.

Answer 8

I am an atheist and I have never lied to my daughter about death. I do not see the point.

OK, I admit it, Pain in the back said it more eloquently than I did.. Thank you :)

Answer 9

Because the concept of life and death requires a level of empathy and understanding that a young child does not posses.

Answer 10

I don't tell children about heaven,I tell them that whatever,has died and that it is natural,everything dies Children will believe whatever is told or taught them and if you tell them in a compassionate way they will accept it as the inevitability that life and death is.

Answer 11

because children are easier to lie to. u can try telling an adult that their parents have gone to heaven to be with the angels and god to play with his pretty harp and to walk on clouds but they'd probably call the institution on you