Boyfriend is being mean every other day...how do I handle this?

Question

He is a very sweet guy, generally. But he gets into this "gloom and doom funk", and it literally takes hours if not days to get him back out. I love him. Honestly, I really love him. But he's getting on my nerves. I'm scared though, at one point after the end of an old relationship, he was suicidal. I don't deal well with that...I love him (for the moment), but I feel trapped in the relationship now. He keeps acting like complete asshole for long periods of time, and then wayyyy later after I've cried and begged, he will finally apologize and go back to normal. This happens seriously like every other couple of days...How do you think I should handle this? Please help before I crack, and dump him.

Answer 1

To be honest with you...I can totally relate to this guy. I am the same way, and I've done what I can to change it. I get in moods, and shut everybody out and treat my girlfriend like ****. And I'll end up apologizing to her later, after hours of hurt. I always tell my girlfriend that she doesn't deserve it, and that she should be with somebody better. I'd give it a little time, and see if it will possibly change. If not, I would discontinue the relationship.

Answer 2

Dump him. Why would you want to be in such a twisted relationship anyway? I am sorry. I shouldn't and don't mean to sound so mean. So...I apologize. But, girl, I can just see "dysfunction" written all over this guy! Sounds like he must have you belittle yourself to the point of begging and crying until he "snaps" out of it! It's not you. It's him. He has a problem. He needs help. But you are not the one responsible for him getting help. He is. Period. This is not good for you. It is going to, and may have already dragged you to the point of needing to get help yourself!~ Please take my word for it, hon, you need and deserve way better than this. I know you love him. I know because of this love, it seems nearly impossible to leave him. But trust me, you are doing him no good. You are "enabling" him to behave this way. When you have to beg and cry for him to snap out of it, he will keep on doing what he's doing because it keeps you "weak" so that you will be too weak to leave him, which in turn, makes him strong because he gains the confidence that he won't lose you because your "begging" and crying shows him how desperately you need him. Get my picture here? Please consider what I am telling you, ok? Well good luck girl, be strong and do not let him weaken you this way! It will drag you down!!!~
Bye.
PS: about the child, you are only harming the child by keeping him/her exposed to this kind of dysfunctional behavior. Your child will learn to disrespect you if he or she grows up to see this whole thing play out all the time! (Not to mention they learn to disrespect themselves as well).

Answer 3

I am sorry, but I think it is time that you cracked. Leave him. Not only is he dragging himself down, but he is dragging you down as well. You said that he had suicidal tendencies with his ex. Well, he is still alive, isn't he? What makes you think that he would kill himself over a break-up? I understand that you don't want to leave him, but from the information that you have provided, I don't see very many options. You can either leave him, and explain why you have, or you can stay with him and be miserable, OR you can stay with him and explain to him that if he keeps acting the way he does, you will leave him. If nothing changes after that, drop him like a bad habit (but not the addictive kind). Good luck to you, I am sure you will make the right decision for YOURSELF.

Answer 4

You need to dump him. He has some serious issues that you can't fix. And believe it or not....you can't keep him from being suicidal if that's his real desire. My guess is he's manipulating you......and it's working. Find yourself a healthy stable man. This one will only cause you stress and unhappiness.....being a sweet guy only part of the time doesn't balance with being an asshole the rest. You deserve better.

Answer 5

Everybody has their own level of tolerance, Sounds to me like you have reached yours. Just get out while you still can. That suicidal thing in the past might have just been a ploy to make the girl feel bad. If you really feel like he would do something like this tell someone in his family to keep a watch on him, just don't make this the reason you are staying in a situation that sounds like you no longer want to be in.

Answer 6

I say dump him too. But... Since you seem to really care I suggest reading Men who hate women and the women who love them. I think it would have helped me if I had read it sooner instead of being involved with an emotional bully for 2 years. Basically the book teaches you how to seperate yourself from his emotional disturbances. For instance when he starts acting that way, tell him you're going to go out with friends since you can see he'd probably rather be alone.

Answer 7

He needs to go see a Dr. I don't think that it has anything to do with you, but he needs some help. If after he gets help and it doesn't stop then the best thing for you to do is to leave him before things get out of control. I don't think that it is anger management, I think that it is a chemical imbalance. Especially if this happens a lot.

Answer 8

LOOK you just answered your question about dumping him. LOOK girl he is abusive. IT will only get worse. HOW do i know? i have girl friends that heve put up with the abuse. and some married it and it did get worse. I say dump his a s s . FIND you some one to treat you right. TELL your self this I DESERVE the best. IF you settle 4 anything less then the best its your fault. star

Answer 9

Simply stated, dump and run. If he gets suicidal, it's not your fault, it's his. He's too weak to accept reality so he lashes out. Not good company. Usually it takes many years for that sort of thing to change, if it changes. Run now, before you put more thought into it.

Answer 10

My first serious guy (of whom I nearly married when I was about 19) was exactly like this...Hon, gonna be straight up with ya...This is NOT a good relationship...having been in what you have described as a really confusing relationship with this guy...I know what you could be in for...(I recently found my ex-...before I found my true love and got married last year).I found my ex- on the internet..and he was the same jerk that I had dumped! He hadn't changed some of his crazy ways..such as chronic lying..and inconsistancies in his stories...one after another...He used to act "nuts" when I was with him as well...he would run in front of a car..and laugh histarically as he ran in front of the car...(I remember calling up his foster mother..whom he lived with and telling her I was worried about his antics..and how he started to act in front of me! I was scared to death!! I was also late for a babysitting job..and I had to leave him while he was trying to walk me home..I had gotten much later than I was supposed to be all because of his really strange antics.!!)
He was mentally,and emotionally abusive to me..he could be moody and secretive as well. I loved him too! BUT, HE had PROBLEMS! I was not and am not now a therapist..and there wasn't ,and still isn't a way for me to help this person!

This person that you are with..he needs therapy..but, you are NOT the one to give it to him...please get some counseling or drop the guy!
YOu are NOT responsible for HIS ACTIONS...So if he decides to kill himself..this is NOT your fault at all!


I had a friend that her ex-shot himself "because of her"...his parents blamed all of this on her...but, after he died..and she did take some grief counseling classes too, she knew that it was NOT her fault..in the slightest...it was HIS doing..and HIS selfish reasons...he has a depression..and he killed himself for HIS grief!
It won't be on you, if your boyfriend tries to blame this all on you...it is THEIR fault!


I am sad that you have to go thru this pain...I remember what it was like for me...I didn't know anybody who could relate with this type of situation at that time...I wish you only good blessings!! Take care of yourself!