Is this petty? I announced 3 months ago that I was foster-adopting a child, and a couple weeks later my?

Question

cousin fell pregnant with her second baby. My family were mostly ok with me telling them what I was planning to do, but not overly supportive/encouraging. After my cousin announced her pregnancy, EVERYBODY in the family started buying her gifts, asking about her ultrasounds, etc. Nobody has shown any interest in my adoption. The popular 'excuse' is "we don't know if it's a girl or a boy, and the age". I agree on the girl/boy thing, but plenty of people buy for a baby not knowing the sex, right? And I've requested a child between 2 and 4. That's not a huge age difference. Plus, I've told everyone many times that I'm buying a whole bunch of stuff, they could have asked me for a couple of ideas from what I planned to buy? Am I being petty, or do you think it's fair to feel upset? I don't want anything major, just a stuffed toy, or a washcloth from a dollar store, anything to say they care!

Kevin S- my point is that it doesn't matter whether or not my family agree or see it my way. They don't have to . But they DO have to accept that it's my way, I don't happen to agree with my cousin having another child, she is a horrible mother, but that's not my call to make, is it?

Answer 1

i would be very upset in this situation having a baby is a special thing whether you have them physically or adopt one, your family should be just as supportive and helpful to you as they are to your cousin

Answer 2

i know what you mean my aunt was a foster parent and decided to adopt. most of my family things it is a wrong disc ion because her and my uncle are in there 40's and have already raised 1 child. Most will not except the children because they said there not blood. It hurts my aunt that my family looks at the kids like this and my family are usually not like that but the children have been though enough and she wants to give them a good home. she is adopting a boy that is now 3 and a girl that is 7. I help her as much as i can and support her. I feel it is great that she is doing this and like i told her is it not only a good deed but, it will change 2 children's lives. it was my aunt and uncles disc ion and everyone should be happy for them. You should feel the same, it doesn't matter what people think it is what you feel that really matters.

Answer 3

It is fair to feel upset. I think people feel more inclined to give presents, shower goodness upon your cousin's baby because it will be a blood child and not an adopted one. However, I think this gives completely the wrong message not only from your family but to the child you are adopting. It says:
1. an adopted child is not as important
2. your family isn't OK with your adoption because it somehow makes them look less benevolent
3. your family believes that there will be something awkward or wrong with the adopted child because he or she won't be blood related

...amongst other things.

I think you should discuss your concerns with your family, because if this child is going to feel welcome in your circle, he or she will need all the support they can get, especially from aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents. If your family really supports what you're doing, then they will support the child. Let them know that you want your child to be involved in their lives too, and perhaps this will prompt them to begin the involvement now, with present giving, etc. Besides, nothing feels better than coming into a family where everyone really, really likes you. For blood children, this is usually a given, but adopted children need extra love and reassurance.

Best of luck!

Answer 4

I am so sorry to hear that your family was not very supportive! The best thing you could do for your own sanity is to let it go! While your family should have shown more interest and love, you unfortunately can not make them. Take the adult road and move on. Remember that you are starting a family and you do not want to bring a child into it with hard feelings and chaos floating around. Please surround yourself with friends that are supportive and excited for you! I realize that what I propose is hard b/c this is your family but I promise you will feel so much more at peace with your self if you let it go. By the way, it is not petty for you to feel some jealousy and hurt feelings, it is human nature!

Answer 5

Good for you and congratulations! I pray all your hopes and dreams come true for you and your son/daughter! As for your family, I'm sure that they are unsure of how to respond to your announcement. To you, adopting a child is like being pregnant for 9 months, giving birth and bringing home a new baby. Family members can and are the hardest ones to convince to be happy for you. However, it's not your job to convince them to be happy for you! Be happy for yourself. They are probably wishing they had the guts to do the same! Love your family, and for sure love your new baby even more. It's hard, but try not to care so much what they may or may not be thinking. If you know in your heart that what you are doing is the right thing, then your life will be wonderful! Smile, think of your future baby and and give him or her all the love you can!

Answer 6

I think that is really sad, but I am not totally surprised. A lot of people look at adoption with a negative attitude. I personally believe that a child can, and should, be loved the same whether you carried it in your womb or not. To me, its the same as a step-parent loving a child as their own. I am a step-parent and people tell me all the time that they didn't realize she wasn't actually mine. Anyway, I think you should talk to your family, calmly and patiently. Tell them that you felt that no one was excited for your new baby, like they were for your cousin. Perhaps after a calm, heartfelt talk, one of them will throw you a shower! Good Luck, Congratulations, and God Bless!! You are doing a wonderful thing!

Answer 7

Hi. Some people just dont understand and dont have an open-mind. Adoption is great and a commend you, some people probably dont know how you are going to cope and its not "biologically" your child, so they sont understand. You will see once they see the child and bond with the child, things will change. But this is unfair of your family, they should be supportive towards you now not later....I would act as if it doesnt bother you so much, your family should feel guilty as hell for putting you through this stress. I hope it does get better, good luck and congrats to you.

Answer 8

omgosh I would feel the same way! You are taking a homeless orphan into your home. This is someone else's child and you're doing something big by stepping up to the plate! I cannot believe your family would not support you in this! I would ask a friend to maybe set up a shower for you or something! If your cousin can do it because she's pregnant, you can do it too because you're making the world a better place and you deserve all the help you can get!

Answer 9

Yes, no longer easy, but do try to unravel this without aggravating the trouble. You might be assuming the worst just on account that he desires to take them abroad for a week - however have you ever seen what the weather is like in the UK at the second? Who would not need to go someplace hotter after a 6 month+ winter? Is that rather so unreasonable? No. Worth bearing in mind that your children are not going to be youngsters for ever, and they'll have an indelible reminiscence of the best way that each of their mothers and fathers behaved while they had been caught within the core, on the way to persist after you not have any say of their lives. They will make their own judgements about you, and so they may not see matters the way you do. Try continually to be reasonable and affordable.

Answer 10

CONGRATULATIONS on your decision to do this! That is awesome!! No, I don't think you are petty, but unfortunately, your family kinda is! :-( It's Ok for you to be upset about their lack of enthusiasm and the double-standard, but maybe they have some learning to do and are only aware of some of the negative outcomes of fostering/adopting. Maybe you can share more of the process with them to get them excited. If that doesn't work, then you just have to be ready for whatever their reactions are when your new family member arrives. And, don't let them get you down about it, because you need to be happy about everything that's about to happen! Regardless, you are doing a wonderful thing for that child and you will be blessed for it!! Maybe not by your family, but the blessings will come! Hang in there and good luck! :-)

Answer 11

maybe they feel they have plenty of time? Adoptions are known for taking a long time. I hope they are more supportive when the time comes when you actually get a child. Adoption is a great thing! I also like the fact that you are not requesting a new born, the older the child is, the harder they are to place in loving homes. God bless you for your heart.