Wedding discrimination?

Question

My parents have offered to help pay for my wedding. (5,000) They offered more but I didn't feel comfortable taking it.

It seems that there is alot of judgement on brides whose parents still offer to pay for their weddings from people who had to pay everything themselves. I've seen it not only on Y!answers but in general life.

It also seems that people who have huge budgets get mad when you offer ways to make things less expensive. Why would you have a 15k wedding that LOOKS like 15k when you can have a 15k wedding that looks like you spent 30k?

Answer 1

beats me. i read a lot on how people think that brides should eat their own costs. i think my mom would have died if she did not put it on, she wanted to do it, it was her duty to pay for her only daughter's wedding (HER WORDS, not mine). i did not ask for the money, she offered it and i gladly accepted. at my wedding, i started to cry when i thanked her for all she had done.

when people found out my mom paid for the wedding (not that i went around saying she did, people just found out), it was like they were oh, i see. 0_o my wedding was pretty modest and we cut lots of corners on things we did not need/want like a limo, booze, ect. i helped my mom every step of the way, i felt that i did contribute a lot. i know one person might have been mad because their parent did not want to pay for any of their wedding while i was getting a "free ride". it made me not want to mention anything about my wedding.

personally i am the queen of saving money. i do not find it cheap, i find it INVENTIVE. so if you can save money on your chocolate fountain by buying 100 25cents chocolate bunnies the day after Easter, GO FOR IT! why pay full price when you can get it 75% off.

when i answer i try to give an example of what i did for my own wedding so people can better see what i am saying. it's not like i am saying omg you are spending too much, i am just trying to say there is another way to do it and it saves you money, money that can be used on your honeymoon or your new house.

Answer 2

I don't think there is anything wrong if the parents can afford to help and want to. I just think it's immature when brides get upset because their parents won't help pay as if it is their responsibility. I also don't understand why a bride would get upset because someone offered a less expensive and equally beautiful suggestion. I'm all for saving money where ever possible, but why spend 15k for a wedding that looks like 30k. Instead spend 8k to 10k and get a wedding that looks like 15k. Just cuz you have that much budge doesn't mean a person needs to spend it all when they can downsize or go less expensive. Then again if that is what the couple wants it's their wedding and really no one else's business.

Answer 3

You kind of have two different things going on here....

As for parents paying vs, brides paying, I don't think ANYONE really has an issue with parents paying for the wedding. I know I certainly don't. If you have parents who are financially able and willing to do so, then by all means, accept it graciously! What I DO take issue with - in a big way - are brides who feel they are ~OWED~ a lavish wedding and expect mommy and daddy to fork over exorbitent amounts of money to make it happen.

On top of that, you see a lot of brides who huff and puff that their parents are paying for their wedding and want to have some input into the planning. That, again, is where I take issue. If you (not you personally, just you in general) want everything EXACTLY your way and are unwilling to compromise, or want something beyond what you're being afforded, then yes, you should pay for it yourself.

Now, as for the budget people, I just think that's dumb. I don't think it's anyone's place to tell someone how to spend their monety. We can just give our insight into what's not really worth it. If you can make a 15k budget look like 30, 40 or even 50K - HAVE AT IT!! And have a blast! :)

Answer 4

I don't see any need for discrimination. If the parents of either the bride or the groom want to help pay for the wedding, fine. If they choose not to, that is fine too.

The way I see it is that if you are getting married you are an adult. As an adult, you should be at least somewhat financially capable of supporting yourself. If you only have $3000 to spend on a wedding, don't spend $4000. However, if your parents offer you the $1000, accept it if you wish.

I hate the traditional roles of who pays for who. I see it as being very outdated and it stems from a time when women were seen as property. I prefer the more modern roles where the bride and groom pay for the bulk of the wedding and the parents chip in as they please.

I don't know why anyone wouldn't want to save money on a wedding! Anyone who gets mad when you offer a way to help them have a beautiful wedding for less is crazy! There are so many tricks and tips to having a wedding that looks like it cost a lot, when in fact it cost a lot less.

Don't feel bad about taking the money. Your parents offered it you. Use it to plan your day and have fun with it! If anyone tries to give you a hard time because of it, just ignore them. They are probably just jealous. ;)

Have fun...good luck...and congrats!

Answer 5

I'm not sure why people get offended! They shouldn't! Everyone has a different way of life than anyone else! And if a bride's parents want to pay for and are able to pay for a wedding, then why not!
Secondly, I really feel that it is over jealousy. Envy will make people do and say terrible things, and it's really a shame! No one should tell anyone anything for doing things the way they want to for their own wedding!
Personally, I am from the South and I would say 90% of parents still pay for their daughters weddings, the other 10% don't simply because they probably can't afford it or for various other reasons! I personally feel and have noticed frome xperience, the people who aren't fromt eh south tend to look down on those who still follow the tradition of the brides parents footing the bill! Why, I'm not sure, it just happens that way!
My parents footed the bill for my wedding 100%, and wouldn't have had it any other way. They always dreamed of the perfect weddings for me and my sister, and that meant the perfect weddings for each of us in our own way. Jsut because your parents pay for it, doesn't mean that it isn't your own way. My sister is less showy, so she had a less elaborate event than I did. With two people standing with them and no big band and dance floor and open bar. It was a simple and romantic small affair, which fit her! And my parents were fine with that. But when mine came around, I married into a politcal family and had to have the whole showy affair! And it was, but it fit mine and my husband's personalities much better than if we had a small event! And my parent allowed us to do it all our way 100%! No interfering in it because they were paying for it!

If you're parents offer to pay and you don't have a problem with it, then go for it! If you have a problem with it, then thank them but say no thank you, I'd like to do this on my own! Who cares what anyone else thinks! Especially anyone on here or other strangers! This is about you and your fiance, no one else!

And as for the budget thing, just don't worry about it! IF someone wants to have a cheap looking wedding because they think they are too good to accept hints at cutting cost without cutting the quality or overall appeal, then let them have a cheap looking wedding! When they look back at the pics, they will have to deal with the fact that they refused to accept hints from people who knew what they were saying!

Good luck and congrats!

Answer 6

So what's wrong with your parents paying if they want to pay? And why should it matter to you what other people think?

When my daughter was planning her wedding, she constantly tried to involve me. My attitude was simply "Look kiddo, if you want me to get very involved in the planning, then it will be the way I want it, and you may not like what I do. Why don't you just do the work, and tell me how much? If the price is reasonable, that will be our contribution to your wedding as parents."

It worked out fine. I was not run ragged, and she did not have nearly as many financial constraints. And best of all, she received no interference from me. After all, it was her wedding, not mine.

However, I also explained to her that if there happened to be a second wedding (due to divorce), she was definitely on her own financially.

Answer 7

People, well...they're flawed. We are all envious of those who get what we didn't have. The kid who never payed for anything in college. We hate them. But we would have loved to have been him. If you're lucky enough to have parents willing to help pay, then great!. With you just mentioning that you want to stretch your dollars it makes me less likely to hate you for what you have. Because girl, stretching dollars is work. Turning 5K or 15K into double its amount takes time and effort.

Which leads me to why people are probably getting angry when you say you want to stretch your budget. Those who are giving you the money could feel that what they have to offer is not enough. To them 5K is plenty of money and they might be upset when you talk about having to buy muslin and going cheap with the labor yourself.

Sorry, you spoke of high-end wedding spenders who get upset...Well, with them it's once again the jealousy factor. You're going directly to the flower market downtown, buying the flowers, and making it all yourselves? Then taking the thousands you just saved to hire the hall we could never afford? Envy. It's just envy. Pure and simple. (Or it could be their own buyer's remorse rearing its ugly head. "We should have spent more wisely," they think.)

Have a great wedding. Don't worry about the other people. Do what you will with the money.

(I've always pushed people on the idea of quickie weddings, boozy receptions, and taking the money saved to use on a house.)

Answer 8

We sound a lot alike. My parents gave me $5000 for our wedding, it was a very nice surprise. we are spending $14000, but having it on a Friday in January in Colorado and saved a ton of money. We saved $6000 on the venue alone, we were originally going to have it on a Saturday in August. My mom and I are crafty and are doing simple orchid arrangement ourselves and making the bouquets. We made the invitations too. Our wedding "should" cost about $25000.

I don't get mad when brides parents pay for everything, I get angry when they expect it. My stepsister is like that. "I will not take anything less than a 2 carat diamond when I get engaged" after I told her about my .5 carat ring. "My dad is going to pay for everything at my wedding." Ahhh it gets me so angry. I hate spoiled brats.

I think it's great if people's parents save up to throw their daughter a wedding. I wish my parents could have done then, and I bet they do too, but it just couldn't happen.

Answer 9

I dont think anyone should get down on brides who take a little help that they are offered from their parents. What I have seen, and personally get annoyed at, is when the brides and grooms expect some sort of compensation and dare to ask if its ok to actually request it.

Parents can chip in and I think thats great, my parents chipped in, BUT I dont think, in this day and age when couples are self-efficient and stable, that they should expect or demand monies from their parents for a wedding. If you cant afford it alone, you should be looking into other options that fit within your budget.

As for people not wanting good deals, I have never heard of that, I think we are all in the market for good deals in here, so if you see any by all means, pass them along. No one will jump on your for that in here!

Answer 10

F people, take the gift your parents are offering and then at the wedding make sure to thank your parents for the gift, it's your day and although you still may have to pay for some, your parents would not offer anything they couldn't or don;t want to give you.
Some people are haters, I had to pay and only got $1500 total from my parents and I was greatful