you happen to know?...and you like the person...so you are saying .."wow"...."geez. I have never heard of her doing that"...what else can you say so they know you are listening???but NOT getting involved...I just hate it when people come to me...and just vent about someone...I AM NOT GOING TO SAY ANYTHING BAD ABOUT THE PERSON...PLUS I WOULD NOT WANT STUFF TO GET BACK TO HER...what can i say??? to just know that i am LISTENING to her?????
2007-07-14 11:13:39 · 9 answers · asked by sweet 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Sometimes you just have to excuse yourself from the conversation, or just be honest and tell the other person that you don't feel comfortable talking about so and so when she isn't there to defend herself. If there is a specific person with whom you associate whom tends to be a bit of a gossip make it a policy to stick to non gossipy topics when you are around her let her talk about herself or the weather or something "safe" but avoid her when she just wants to talk about other people.
2007-07-14 12:02:12 · answer #1 · answered by All 4 His Glory 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Being the 'center' of attention is not an easy place to be in. I've been there - done that and it aint pretty.
Strange thing about life is its sincerity towards friends and rivals - sure its good to know yer friends and hear about their enemies but its another thing to stand in the middle trying to back yerself up with a mogul you don't really want yerself.
Hmm, If the person you refer to is being dis-honest then you should say so - be straight - don't cut corners - just do it.
That is honesty. If yer friends are put on the line then its a case of 'he who isn't present can't hear - so to keep the peace and medium or flow going its best to keep this in mind.
If you feel guilty about this then explain to yer friends of the situation you found yerself in - you answered what was necessary to keep the peace at that time - its was a short decision - it can, and probly will change depending on the outcome.
Hope this helps.
2007-07-14 11:31:26 · answer #2 · answered by upyerjumper 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For me, I'd say: "Hey ... wait a minute. I am your friend and I am her friend so I don't think I'm the best person for you to talk to about this. I'm sorry you and she are having issues but the two of you need to resolve this yourselves. Please understand that I care for you both and just cannot get involved. It's the same if she wanted to tell me things about you ... I just can't do it. Thanks for understanding ... let's go see a movie or ... whatever." If the person persists then say something like ... "I thought we already discussed this and I told you my feelings. Now please ... say no more." At that point I'd excuse myself and leave.
If you really just want to listen then you don't need to say anything. Just keep eye contact and shake your head & keep a sad/frowny face to express that what the person is saying is upsetting to you. Know that if you listen to this person that they'll most likely take it as tacit agreement that you are taking their side in things so best to be more straightforward and not listen in the first place.
2007-07-14 11:46:17 · answer #3 · answered by Santal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you have to listen? If, for some unknown reason, you feel you have to listen, I would say, "you know you are talking about a good friend of mine, don't you?" Then, I would wonder why they were "venting" to me, a friend of the person they were criticizing.
I have heard co-workers say, "Hey, that's my friend you're talking about" and that is the end of it. If they don't take the hint, I think telling someone you don't want to hear it, is perfectly in order.
You are NOT required to listen to anyone unless you choose to!
2007-07-14 11:30:49 · answer #4 · answered by moonmother2000 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
When this happens, I voice my own opinion if I agree or disagree. I will stick up for someone I like, or even someone I don't like if I dont share that specific peeve with them.
I also take this as an oppurtunity to expand the person's mind by saying 'maybe its not what you think' or 'have you spoken to this person about this problem'? This lets me be the sympathetic ear without adding to the fire.
2007-07-14 14:56:16 · answer #5 · answered by Frootbat31 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd just say, "Hey, I understand your frustration, but I don't think it's fair that you put me in the middle. I respect and like both of you and I just don't want to hear anything like you're telling me...sorry".
2007-07-14 13:26:07 · answer #6 · answered by daff73 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm really glad you feel you can vent your feelings to me, but because they are my friend too I have to stay neutral on this one with great respect.
2007-07-14 11:18:57 · answer #7 · answered by dizzymom 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I just say: "You have the right to your own opinion. But as for me, I won't say anything negative about him/her."
2007-07-14 11:26:57 · answer #8 · answered by nowyouknow 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
say "I really dont care to hear this" and walk away..
2007-07-14 11:16:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋