Other mothers out there I need your advice?

Question

I've decided to have an abortion and the appt is Tues afternoon. I'm 6 weeks along. Father is in jail for next 3-5 years for robbery. I'm 33 and have 2 other kids. I have no medical insurance, I have no family to help me, I have a good job, but finding child care for the long hours I work is next to impossible. I work 2 days a week, but 14 hour days. I make around $35K, so I probably would make too much for any gov assistance. Please tell me I'm making the right decision to abort in this case. Am I going to have guilt for years??? Adopting this baby out is not an option. Serious answers only, no judgement, I loved the man I did not know he was a criminal.

Answer 1

Wow, you are in a tough situation. I had an abortion 11 years ago and I still think about what might have been. I also believe I did the right thing for myself at that time too. Unfortunately, you do make too much money for any kind of government assistance. I understand why adoption isn't an option, it wasn't for me either. People will say mean spirited things to you, but really what you want to do is the only thing that matters. If I were in your shoes, I would have the abortion. It's why we still have the right to choose. It won't be easy, mine was a long time ago, but I remember the guilt I felt for months afterward. I'd think about stuff like oh now I'd be 6 months pregnant, now he/she would be born, now he/she would be crawling...etc. It's tough and it's a horrible situation to be in when you have to choose. I truly wish you all the best. Take care of yourself and you have time to think it over, only you know what's best for you.

Answer 2

If you are having to ask this question, then you are not sure about your decision to abort. That alone is enough reason to cancel your appointment. Don't let the abortion clinic make you feel that you have any obligation- just cancel.

You need, and deserve, time to think this through. You didn't mention getting counseling, did they offer it? If you call 800-395-HELP they'll tell you about how to get free parenting resources like WIC and child care programs in your state. Then you can figure out whether or not parenting is a possibility. You also need to think about how your other children (depending on how old they are) would react to an abortion. Don't wait until it's too late to think about all these things. Be certain!
<3 Kelsey

Answer 3

Hello there, I can sympathize with your situation and coming from my point of view here is my suggestion. No one can tell you if what you are doing is right or wrong because that would make us judges and no one has the right to do that. What I suggest you do is make a list for your eyes only and weigh the pros and cons of the situation. You will have to decide what is best for not only you but your other two children as well. About the guilt, it is going to be there no matter what you decide. If you decide not to go through with it and fall on hard times then you are going to feel guilty for bringing a child into that type of situation. Guilt will always be there I feel guilty when I have to discipline my son so guilt is there no matter what. Take time to yourself and make an informed decision about your life. Good Luck and no matter what your decision you have to do it for the right reasons and not guilt or fear of the unknown.

Answer 4

Personally, abortion would not be an option for me, but I also do not make it a habit to judge other people for their choices. I would never be able to know your situation unless I walked a day (or more) in your shoes. Since that's not possible, let me just say this. You are not sure if you would be eligable for government assistance. I would suggest rescheduling your appointment on Tues. and instead go see for sure if you qualify. My husband and I are expecting our first and we make more than you do and we qualified, so it is possible. I'm not sure if you would regret it or not, but I think you might regret not exploring all of your options and not getting all of the information you could have. For your own peace of mind, please get all of the info you can regarding gov. assistance and so forth. Best of Luck to you. I hope whatever decision you make gives you closure and peace of mind. If you would like someone to talk to, you can always e-mail me. Best Wishes Sweetie!!!!

Answer 5

I couldn't even imagine thinking of abortion as an option. I have seen where when a woman goes in for an abortion she can actually she the baby inside of her on the monitor and when the doctor goes in with whatever it is they use to abort it the fetus actually tries to move away from it and its little heart starts to beat faster. I dont think I have ever cried so hard in my life. It was as if it knew what was about to happen and was trying to get away. Im going to try to find it on the internet and send you the address so that maybe you will watch it and change your mind. I understand the situtation you are in but you will ALWAYS feel guilt about what you are about to do.

Answer 6

I think if you have any doubts at all it is more than likely you will regret this decision. I am not antiabortion, but it can have a serious emotional impact.

If you think you want this child there are probably things you can do, maybe change your work schedule, cut some corners, etc.

It's a tough decision. You know you have a fair amount of time to make up your mind, why not put off the appointment and get some counselling?

Answer 7

((((((HUGS))))))))

There are many women in this situation and you are not alone. I want to do my best to help you. I am glad that you are reaching out for help.

You asked "Am I going to have guilt for years?" Statistically, a very large percentage (I'm sorry I don't have the exact #, but its alot) of women regret the abortion. They have depression, post traumatic stress disorder, and a huge feeling of emptiness for many, many years. They think about their child daily, and it is very painful every time they see a child that would be the age of theirs. Many need intense therapy, there are many programs out their to help women get through their feelings of guilt.

Here are some stories to read on women who regretted the abortion:

http://www.gargaro.com/regrets.html

http://www.word-of-hope.org/grieving.html

So, yes you will have lots of guilt. The fact that you are asking it at the point, shows that you do have a conscious and will feel guilty later on.

I know you say that adopting the child out is not an option. But I reallly want you to at least consider it, please :) Here are some facts to consider:

* You can have an option adoption, if you like, where you will have some contact with the child

********** You can have ALL of your living expenses paid throughout the 9 months, as well as all medical expenses, trust me on this one. Not all agencies do this, but some do. I'm sure there are some adoptive parents out there too that provide the mother with some additional financial compensation (by no means are you selling the baby, but they will help you out with some of your family needs.)******

* You can be very picky about the parents you want to adopt.

Here is a hotline to call: 1-800-592-4725

There are many other ones as well, as you probably already know.

Lastly, you say you make $35k/year. Okay, I worked as a social worker and I've know people making less with 4-5 kids, I think you could provide the child. Trust me.

One final recommendation: call a crisis pregnancy center and ask to speak with someone who regrets their abortion. Trust me, after talking to her, you will think twice.

(((((((HUGS))))))))) Please think through this decision carefully. You are not alone! The fact that you are asking for help is a sign of strength!

Answer 8

There are programs out there to help women. You will qualify for Medicaid to cover your care and delivery of the baby. You will probably qualify for programs like WIC and Food stamps. If you are having doubts about it, then don't do it. If you made the decision to sleep with this man, criminal or not, you two made a life and that life needs to be respected. I do not know why you think you cannot adopt the baby out but there are so many people out there who want kids that cannot have them. Reconsider this appointment. God loves you and would never give you a situation you cannot handle. Good Luck with your new baby

Answer 9

Dont do it.......... just dont.....you will regret it the rest of your life and there is no one around to hold you when you feel the lost........you might never know what this child could be for you....maybe she/he will bring some luck into your life......i for one believe that every child in a way will be provided by some means for their own survival....you will find some help some how.....maybe instead of a day care you could have someone come in ....after all it is just for two days......and this is not even a permenant situation .....when the children is say around six then you will not need anyone to come around.....in fact they are the one that will help you.....so many more benefit if you bring the child up.......just a few years will be hard but not impossible and the years go by so fast this day you will not even notice that they have grown up.

Answer 10

I am sorry you are going through such a hard time. I really do not know what I would do in your situation. But I really do think I would regret it. It would be really hard but I think if you are questioning it this much, it will torture you the rest of you life. You have to choose whatever you can live with. Good Luck, Hope you make the right decision for you and your family.