I have been dating this guy for about three months now and after sex, he asked me if he was better than my ex in bed. I told him that i would assess him seperately and after i him, i told him that he was average in bed but we could improve on it together as time goes on because the first time is not always great and he got sad and unhappy...
Did i do something wrong?
2007-07-14 09:52:00 · 31 answers · asked by Sahem 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
No you were just honest, a relationship should start as it means to go on.Try different positions and encourage him to do the same.
2007-07-14 09:56:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He should not have asked the question if he did not want the answer. You did not do anything wrong. In fact you did it just right. You explained that the first time is not necessarily the best because you both are nervous and that you can work together on making it better. Reassure him that it takes two to make it good or bad and two to make it better. Neither one of you is to blame for the first time being not as good as you both would have liked it to be. Remind him that it is important for him to not give up because it can't get any better if you don't work on it together. Ask him what he needs from you to make it better for him and then let him know what he needs to do to make it better for you. Don't be afraid to compromise a little with him.
2007-07-14 10:00:25 · answer #2 · answered by firemouse23 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His feelings are hurt because sex is sensitive subject. Every man wants to hear that they are the be-all-end-all of lovers. We all know that is not the case. With this in mind, a fun way to help him improve without knowing that he is taking classes from you, is to say that you want to try something new in bed. Lay out some ground rules. For example, say that during sex you are going to talk sexy to each other and give each other instructions on what to do. Get some toys to spice things up without getting too kinky, at first--this can be seen as too aggressive and actually turn some guys off. You can purchase sexy games from specialty stores that are designed to teach each other about your wants in bed. They are great and it won't hurt his feelings. In fact, he will probably like it and want to do it often. Hope this helps!
2007-07-14 10:02:24 · answer #3 · answered by genova32 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, but you could have done it in a more tactful way.
This guy is insecure for some reason (maybe a previous bad experience or no experience at all!). Instead of telling him what he's doing wrong, tell him what he's doing right...with YOU!!! Tell him that it's impossible to be "the perfect stud" with EVERY single woman he goes out with because EACH woman is DIFFERENT and has DIFFERENT preferences. (Between us girls, there is NO such thing as "the perfect stud"....think about that....you GUYS, too! Has ANY partner you've been with done EVERYTHING "perfectly"? I doubt it.)
Explain to this poor fellow that just because one woman __THINKS__ he's "average" that it doesn't mean he's not good enough for YOU or another one. He needs to learn to be more secure by learning about a lot of different womens' preferences and by having an understanding woman who knows good communication skills that can get the message across without bruising that all too fragile male ego.
To get him to be able to please YOU better, suggest things for him to do by saying things like, "It would feel better if you did it this way." And show him what you mean. This way he can learn the way to make YOU feel as good as he can.
And remember to remind him that it takes TWO to Tango. It's just as much YOUR responsibility for your own "pleasure" (if not more) than it is his. By slowly and tactfully teaching him how to please you you are partially taking on that responsibility.
In the mean time praise him for what he learns to make your sexperiences better. Done just right, that will build his confidence level with you and you'll both benefit from it.
And BTW: If he asks again (I don't think he will) or if any future b/f asks you that question, just tell them that you don't make comparisons with your exes because each person is an INDIVIDUAL with different preferences and different skill levels AND that you would prefer to keep BOTH (yours as wel as HIS) of your exes out of your sexercises as well as the rest of your relationship with him.
I hope this helps. GOOD LUCK!
2007-07-14 10:08:31 · answer #4 · answered by x_southernbelle 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you did nothing wrong you were honest with him sure as i know im a guy and we dont like to here that type of honesty it hurts our egos alot but if you tell him to keep trying hopefully over time he will get better u have to take control of that intimate time so he learns what u get turned on by and what satisfys u aftert it all sex is all about the women and making sure they are satified before the men get to do there thing. but some men cant help it they are lousy in bed and if thats the case come looking for me and i will do it right for you
2007-07-14 09:58:44 · answer #5 · answered by kyle g 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't see why he would be sad and unhappy because he asked and you just were been honest. What he shoudl have done or told you is we can practice more and learn more together and make it awesome between the two of us. But naw cry like a kid the wuss. You need a real man to satisfy you not a kid.
2007-07-14 09:59:02 · answer #6 · answered by Always ready for anything 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not really. But now ur goin to have to try to pump him up to have sex with u. next time praise him. oh baby i love that that is great keep going i never wanna stop blah blah blah. after he is confident around u again try suggesting new things and being vocal about what u want and how u want. if he is licking u and cant quite do it right, show him on himself the pressures and speeds and techniques u like. be gentle with this issues. even the macho-est of men get easily offended with sex. good luck.
2007-07-14 10:02:36 · answer #7 · answered by Jen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You told him the truth like he asked and you want to be in that in the relationship. This may let you two explore ways to improve if that is important to you...then if that is all that keeps you with a guy, then move on...love is not just ALL sex....
2007-07-14 09:59:45 · answer #8 · answered by Sammyleggs222 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How would you like it if he told you that you were worse than his ex in bed?
don't degrade your man in bed. Tell him what your needs are, after a little while if your needs aren't getting met, let him down gently, and get on with your life, and go find a sex super-hero to fill your needs.
2007-07-14 10:00:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, that was not a very nice thing to say. "You're very different, so I can't compare" would have been better. Adding that you'll improve together as time goes on was ok, but it hardly softens the blow of calling someone average. If someone had the audacity to say that to me, I'd leave them to find someone who would say i'm dynamite!
2007-07-14 09:57:25 · answer #10 · answered by late_night_surfer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Despite what he said, nobody likes comparisons.
He took a chance that you'd say he was great.
It was a stupid move, congrats on being honest.
Any 2 people can have sex, maybe some shouldn't.
But it does take time for them to get to know one another.
Don't make comparisons even if he is stupid enough to ask.
Talk about what you each need from each other.
2007-07-14 09:59:08 · answer #11 · answered by Robert S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋