Whom do you blame more, your mother or your father?

Question

Sometimes, when things aren't going well, we look to blame. Sometimes, we go to our childhood and blame that.
Which parent do you most blame for your problems, when you're in that mood?
And if you care to say, which parent do you give the most credit to for the good in you and your life, as well?

Wow, you are all being so helpful and thoughtful.
One Note: Shelle, PEOPLE DO BLAME. It's sad, but this might as well be called, THE AGE OF BLAME; it is a subject of much scholarly writing.

I'll give an outrageous example that angers me:
It was a full page for Clinique, a product that "erases wrinkles."
It stated the things that makes one wrinkle, okay? With me?
This was a WOMAN's magazine, a WOMAN's cosmetic--
It said, "the sun, aging, your diet, your genes (thanks mom)," and more to explain why we get wrinkles.
THANKS MOM???? Uh, you don't have any of your dad's genes; he couldn't possibly be part of your genetic make-up that affects your skin....????
SAD....

For those reading the answers to this, it is very interesting:
8 people take full responsibility for their actions;
2 people blame mom for their problems;
3 people blame dad;
BUT
3 more people blame MOM for DAD'S problems, and
0 people blame DAD for MOM'S problems!

1 person blames both parents.
1 person gives credit to both parents
1 person gives credit to Dad
1 gives credit to Dad (overlapping with blame to Mom)
2 give credit to other
2 give credit to both
1 gives blame to other
3 give no blame, no credit
1 gives blame to both, and credit to both
and 1 doesn't answer the question, but admonishes me, wisely and kindly.

IT IS OF UTMOST INTEREST TO ME THAT DAD GETS AWAY WITH MURDER, BECAUSE HE IS NEVER BLAMED FOR MOM'S PROBS, YET MOM IS ALWAYS BLAMED FOR HIS.

IT IS ALSO OF INTEREST THAT THIS, YOUR-- GENERATION TAKES RESPONSIBILITY FOR ITSELF.

GREAT FOR YOU. MY Generation is a blame group, and I have much to learn from you. I'm pleasantly surprised.

Answer 1

People don't blame - only if they were taught that. Sometimes we don't go to childhood or either parent.

You should ask yourself why you are pondering such things. It's okay not to understand things that don't make sense.

It doesn't really matter how great or awful anyone's mother or father is. A good friend of mine, beat, raped, over fed, starved her whole life turned out to be a caring loving mother with a stable home, job and marriage - after therapy that is.

Things will always go wrong. Sometimes things that appear to be going wrong are actually right and in many ways have a lesson you needed to learn. People's mood and happiness is their own - not anyone elses extension unless they let it become that way.

The question is not what went wrong, the question is what can I do right now to make it right??

What can YOU do to become more happy and how fast can you educate yourself on living an exciting life that brings peace inside of you.

Care about others, but don't let them determine your happiness. Those are things to ponder that have actions as outcomes with end results on being more peaceful, being more happy.

I don't credit either of my parents. They say it takes a whole village to raise a child. I think that might be more accurate.

Answer 2

You know eventually the only person you really can blame is yourself. You can shell out blame for being a really bad parent but after you realize right from wrong, no one is going to care about your mom or your dad...they are going to care about your actions.

Now giving credit is another story.

Answer 3

I think I'm more balanced in who I'd blame, because I think there are things both could have done better for me, but really considering the circumstances, I think my parents did the best they could and that they certainly could have done a lot worse.

My dad taught me how to dream, how to have integrity, introduced me to science fiction (which is now one of my passions), and believed in me when I wanted to leave everything behind and get a fresh start thousands of miles away, and perhaps more importantly, taught me to question the deeper things in life and how dangerous ignorance is.

My mom taught me how to read and love reading (which is another passion of mine) and supported me at nearly every single athletic competition I was ever a part of, taught me much of what I know about women and girls, taught me how to cook, and most important of all, taught me how to keep up a house, and most important of all, taught me the value of communication.

Answer 4

I used to blame everyone. From mother, father, siblings to even the neighbor. I have, of late, realized that all my wrong turns and hard times are MY fault and mine alone. It is hard to accept, but it is true, because regardless of what did or didn't happen to me as a child, I chose to make the decisions that I took on my own. No one pushed me into them.
There are millions of other people out there who have had it MUCH harder than myself and they make their own choices as well, and they make the -right- choices.
Sure, what happens to us when we are children helps forge who we are, but in the end, WE decide who we want to be. No one has a gun to our heads when we make wrong choices.
And the person I give most credit to is my grandmother. All she ever gave me was undying love.

Answer 5

I'm to blame for my own actions. I was raised by my grandparents and they were wonderful people who taught me to take responsibility for my own actions. That I always had a choice to do the right or wrong thing. And that there is no in between.

Answer 6

I blame my mom when that happens. Because I always felt like my mom hated me and wished I had never been born.
My dad for the good because he has always treated me like a princess. I am the youngest and his only girl so I think that is why.

Answer 7

There was plenty of blame to pass around with both of my parents.

My parents grew up in the Depression and just could not show affection towards their children. My mother never told me that she loved me, even on her death bed. I constantly said these words and tried my best to show her how I felt about her. She was a very bitter person that took no pleasure or satisfaction in any accomplishments her children made in life except for her first born son. (He has been the biggest under-achiever out of 4 kids.)

Dad liked to use his belt on us. We were a farm family and he kept my youngest brother out of school to do the work while he went to the bar all day. He'd leave the house at noon and come rolling in at 8 or 9pm.

We were constantly told that there wasn't money for any after school activities and such but they both went to the bar for hours on a very regular basis.

The only time they attended school functions was our high school graduation. They neither encouraged college nor would help out financially in any way.

I was the youngest and marched to the beat of a different drummer. I didn't take his s...therefore I was trash. When they were both older I was good enough to read legal documents to them and explain what they meant. They also made me their POA but I recinded this shortly after my mother died. Dad didn't listen to me when it came to what was in his best interest so why bother.

I got my best traits from my Aunt Judy on my mom's side. She instilled a sense of worth in me that is with me today.

What I got from both of my parents was a private mantra I carried with me into adulthood when I had my own children. I vowed that my children would know that they were loved and wanted very much...their pain was my pain....their accomplishments were important to me and no matter if they grew up to dig ditches for a living they would always be loved and appreciated by their dad and I. They were not spoiled into thinking that they could do no wrong. Trust me they have done wrong and their dad and I pointed it out to them...but in a loving way. They have been raised to know that you work for a living, go to college and make something of yourself. They have made us extremely proud.

As I read over this I am somwhat amazed in that it might appear that I am spewing venom. I guess we all answer to a higher power one of these days and hopefully I won't have answer no to the question "Did you do the best you could for your children?"

Answer 8

Since I just answered your other question, I assume that this is about your daughter.

STOP BLAMING YOURSELF! She is an adult, and this is a two-way street. You can't fix it if she won't meet you half way.

Please read my answer to your other question, as it goes into more detail. In the meantime, get over the guilt. It's not helping you and it certainly isn't healthy.

Answer 9

I had a wonderful mom and dad, but I DO blame my step father for a lot of my "problems".

Answer 10

Dad was gone.

I always blamed Mom for everything that went wrong. But, that stands to reason. She was the one who was there, making the decisions for me and about me.

Dad was gone.

Mom shaped me and helped me to grow. She was the one who was there for me.

Dad didn't do anything for me. He just left.