What method or education does a mother use to teach her son pre-martial and casual sex is not ok?

Question

I want decent boys not animals. What types of things should I teach them and tell them if I have kids in the future and what are some good methods to use to teach these things?

Answer 1

I advocate sex education throughout life. By de-mystifying sex and keeping the lines of communication open, it means that your sons will know that sex is something you consider to be healthy but sacred. This means, of course, you will have to be comfortable enough to answer their questions as they come up, using realistic and proper language (i.e. calling a penis a penis, not a "pee-pee"). Using euphemisms beyond early childhood can cause issues, as well, by infantilizing sexuality.

Modeling is also important, so how you show love and affection in your relationship is going to impact how they form relationships later in their lives. If you have a loving affectionate and monogamous relationship, then to them, that will be the norm, and they will expect that for themselves.

Still, the biggest factor in my book is communication. There will be a normal amount of sexual experimentation and boundary pushing growing up, and should be expected. This is how teens develop their identities and grow. At this time, you need to be able to effectively communicate that certain behaviors are unacceptable to you (promiscuous sex, etc.), while others are all right (showing affection in other ways like kissing, hugging, etc. whatever your standards are).

It's a balancing act, to be sure, and since my kids aren't at the teenage years yet, I can't speak from experience here. I've got experience working with other peoples' kids, and the theory learned in school, but I'd love to see how this pans out when it comes to me own kids.

The fact that you're thinking about it now speaks volumes, really. I think you're looking toward the future and planning ahead, and that indicates you would have a overall goal for how you want to parent, which is a really admirable thing. Kudos to you. :)

Answer 2

teaching that, as fantastic an ideal as it is, is just that. That's a decision hey have to consciously make on their own. my parents both taught me that. A religious upbringing definitely helps, at least with the people i know. But know that that isn't going to keep them from having sex if they really want to. Also know that if thhye have pre-marital sex, they're not "animals" just people who have engaged in p0re-marital intercourse. If i was your position, i'd start introducing them to religion and talk to them about your own expiriences. ( in time) Those will show to be more effective tools than spomething you'll pull out of a book. Teach them that sex is something you save for someone you love. but teaching nothing but abstinence, (in my opinion) is not very usefull, it's impracticall in today's world, and only makes sex more appealing becuase it's taboo. the key for you as a parent is to find a balance between the world of abstinence and the world of regular sexual relations w/ multiple partners. in my mind, that's far more towards the abstinence side in "it's for someone you love- it complicates things a lot, but it can also bring a lot of good." You've got to be realistic with them, not that it's all bad or all good- and that's where recalling your own personal experiences, when they're old enough, will be important.

Answer 3

The best way is by example. That is how children learn since they are little babies. The way you act, set value on yourself as a woman, show respect towards other women (yes, women) and behave in just about any situation is going to show them what is right and what is not right. All of this assuming you have a good relationship with them. Then as they age, comes communication. Nothing beats open, frank, two-way communication. Teach them to respect themselves and their bodies, give them reasons for abstaining, but reasons they can relate to, be clear and concise, and most importantly, show them you trust them.

Answer 4

I think it's ok to tell them your personal views on pre-martial/casual sex, however. I think it's better that you teach your sons respect for themselves and woman in general... Not so much that sex before marriage/casual sex is bad.... They eventually will make their own decisions concerning the matter at hand.. I think it's much more important to teach the proper way to treat, respect and relate to woman.. As well as being responsible for their own sexual health and well being.

Answer 5

Go to your local health department, they will help you with this matter. There are still no guarentees tho. Good luck. Teach them respect for females, that is one thing that will help.

Answer 6

my parents always just sort of mentioned it in passing. Dont beat the idea into the ground, just let them know you disapprove and that bad things can happen if they engage in dangerous activities like that

Answer 7

Talk to them. When they hit puberty and start noticing girls, sit them down and talk to them. Try this site for conversation starters: http://teenadvice.about.com/od/advicepeer/a/teentoteen1_2.htm

Good luck!

-Alex