At work-- a medical office-- we always have a lunch and cake for people's birthdays, and everyone signs a card. The doctor also gives a nice bonus to the birthday person. All birthdays are written on a special calendar, including mine, but there was no lunch or anything done for my birthday. No one even wished me a happy birthday. I was totally forgotten or ignored. Today, one of my coworkers handed me a card that we were all signing for the next person's birthday which is on Monday. I felt pretty left out when they did that. I just quietly said, "Hmm... I guess everyone forgot about my birthday on the first of the month." I feel like it would almost be selfish if I reminded them that I was forgotten, but I don't want to be taken for granted in the future. Part of me says to just blow it off, but another part wants to say something.
I've been there longer than anyone else and have a critical position there but I'm not one of the "clique".
What should I do or say?
2007-07-14 08:13:53 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
No, I didn't get my bonus, either. Nothing. And my critical position is as head nurse. When the doctor asked me about weekend plans while we were chatting 2 or 3 days after the fact, I said "Oh, my husband and I are going to Six Flags to celebrate my birthday which was a few days ago." The doc said, "Oh my gosh-- we forgot your birthday! We need to make that right...", but nothing came of it. I'd feel awkward saying anything else. But last year a different office manager kind of blew my birthday when she unprofessionally cussed me out (4 letter words and all) in front of everyone else for a VERY minor paperwork mistake and turned my luncheon into a betch session staff meeting. Bleah!
2007-07-14 08:33:01 · update #1
I want to think I'm nice and thoughtful-- in fact, I always bring back cool stuff from vacation for everyone. Last time it was inexpensive but adorable hand-woven purses for the women and for Doc, it was a real nice (but not overly expensive) leather notebook with his school's logo. They all loved the stuff. I'm the one who covers for someone who's out sick or who brings the "good coffee" or who brings the fresh flowers from the garden for the reception area. Maybe I'll "forget" to bring that sort of thing in now.
2007-07-14 08:44:19 · update #2
Does anyone ever ask how your weekend was when you go back on Monday? Maybe you can say somthing like oh it was great my family (or friends) gave me a great little Birthday Party, or I spoiled myself for my birthday and went shopping. Just throw in a subtle hint.
You can also wear a new article of clothing on Monday and if someone says oh thats a nice shirt, necklace etc, say oh "so and so" got it for me for my birthday.
Or take a birthday card from a loved one and put it on your desk.
Finally you can talk to the person you are closest to at work and say "I'm not trying to draw attention to myself, but is there something I did wrong or a reason why you all forgot my birthday this month?" Make it as though you want to possibly make ammends for anything you may have said or done that was offensive.
Just some thoughts and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
2007-07-14 08:18:48 · answer #1 · answered by inhisword26 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I was in a similar situation when I got married. Everyone else received a luncheon or shower (not that I think they're necessary since I didn't need more stuff as a 30 year old) - but it would have been nice to have had some sort of acknowledgement after everyone else had theirs. Even a card would have been nice after the fact.
What made me uncomfortable was that I was asked to shell out money for other people's cards & presents for years and took pains to congratulate them on any occasion. While I didn't invite most of my coworkers to the wedding, neither was I invited to theirs. It was common knowledge that I had a wedding. It was difficult not to take it personally.
After that, I opted not to donate to the wedding shower fund. I had a decent professional relationship with my colleagues, so I didn't want to be spiteful. I did ask some colleagues months later why no mention was made of my own wedding, and I was told that since I wasn't having a Christian wedding (even though it took place in a Quaker space with a deist representative), it wasn't a "real" wedding. Go figure.
I've learned since then not to take it personally. For one thing, leadership has changed and our staff has grown. We get a monthly acknowledgement for anyone celebrating anything (quick 15 minute meeting in the breakroom with snacks), that comes from the department's fund rather than voluntary donations. It relies less on BS politics and is more egalitarian. I'd like to see what they do when we have gay unions; will they ignore it or celebrate it?
2007-07-14 08:42:02 · answer #2 · answered by Buttercup 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You need to learn to be more assertive. Manners count, but, work is not a popularity contest.
You do not have a good rapport in this office. If you can't speak up for yourself and were cussed out, it does not look like you have any respect from your co-workers.
If you don't want to be taken for granted, then demand the respect due to you. People treat you how you teach them to treat you. If the doctor said that to you, then, for Gawd sakes, say something - or drop it! Why can't you just stand up for yourself? Tell you boss you didn't get your birthday bonus! As for the rest, who cares? If you are always this whiny, I can see why your co-workers don't want to interact with you.
Hints are childish and unprofessional. This is work - not for social events. You are not part of the inner circle, so just do your job or move on.
If you stay, a week from your birthday next year, make louds announcements in a humorous tone - that you get double gifts this year since they forgot you last year -
Either suck it up, speak up of get another job - I think you are due to find a new beginning in a new position!
Good luck!
2007-07-14 10:44:51 · answer #3 · answered by moonmother2000 4 · 2⤊ 4⤋
If there is an office big mouth or gossip casually mention to them that you are a little upset that your birthday was overlooked. It will get to everyone quickly about the oversight. Another thing, I know it may be hard because you like to "Mother" people and ensure everyone is happy, but you have to stop with the giving of gifts, filling in, etc. You are being taken for granted and when something as innocent as an overlooked birthday happens you fall to pieces. I know you just want everyone to get along and not stress out at work. That is not your responsibility and it just is not a good practice for you. Please start to take measures to stop being a doormat. Harsh word perhaps, but true. You need to learn to take care of you before others. Start off small, like saying no to someone who asks for a favor then work your way up to larger things. Your identity is too wrapped up with that office and with what co workers think about you. Stop letting them have control over you, I promise your co workers are not at home thinking about you and your feelings. Just buck up, I'm sure you have lots of friends and a family that loves you for you. Think about all I said and in the meantime HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY !!!!!
2007-07-15 13:53:06 · answer #4 · answered by D squared 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you should maybe drop 'hints' to everyone that it was your birthday. For example, if someone asks how your weekend was say 'Oh, It was great. We went out for a lovely dinner to celebrate my birthday.' Also, you could say things like 'God, I don't feel one year older.' Just little hints which will definitely get people asking 'Wait, when was your birthday?'
If that fails, I suggest you just forget about it. It's not really a big deal, as I have had many FAMILY members forget about my birthday. I wouldn't take it personally. Perhaps, they simply forgot or skipped your birthday. Maybe you didn't mark it properly in the calander?
2007-07-14 08:18:22 · answer #5 · answered by KingOfTheWorld 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well you're right on one note if you remind them that they missed your B-Day you are going to come off looking either selfish or desperate for attention. My advise is don't say anything at all and go along for the ride with everyone else B-Days. Then next year if you are left out again just simply let everyone know that you chose not to participate anymore. And if asked why then you tell them that you were left out for the past 2 years.
2007-07-14 08:20:33 · answer #6 · answered by gymrat0187 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I suggest giving them a mulligan. Just spread word around the office that your birthday is in two weeks. If you have to doctor personnel records to pull it off, do it.
Happy birthday! Eat some cake!
2007-07-14 08:19:10 · answer #7 · answered by Bryce_Anderson 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
So you did say something. Was the person who handed you the card for someone else appropriately embarrassed? If not, I suspect there is indeed a blackballing going on. Since most people get a bonus on their birthday, it would not be wrong for you to mention to the boss that it was "inadvertently overlooked."
2007-07-14 08:18:52 · answer #8 · answered by auntb93 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
That's terrible, I would be so upset & pissed off. I'm sorry this happened to you!. What did the person say when you said that about missing your birthday? Again, sorry, that was very rude of them. What to do? I don't know.
2007-07-14 08:39:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hmm, you don't say if your bday was celebrated in the past.
maybe it was overlooked. Or perhaps your associates don't care for you because of your "critical" position. Is it a position of authority?
Any way Happy Birthday from me.
2007-07-14 08:20:49 · answer #10 · answered by jy9900 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋