Ok I need some advice.?

Question

My stepsons went to there grandmothers for about a month 1/2 and when they got back the oldest who is 4 told his mom when he went to sleep to kiss Jesus good night and that he went to church. Now my husband and I and there mom our not religious people at all and I don’t know how we should address this. I think it is kind of wrong that she did that knowing we are not religious people but I will let it go. I think it could have been easier to address at home than how the grandparents did it. My question is now that it is said how we should address it I think that he is young and that getting to into the religion would be against what we think. I think we should just tell him that some people believe certain things and daddy and mommy don’t and so on. My husband and I disagree a little he thinks that if he wants to go to church and stuff we should take him and I think he is to young and that should wait tell he is older.

I thank everyone for there advice so far. I think there was a little confusion I am not discouraging him from learning about different religions I think if we could have addressed it to him our self’s instead of the grandma imposing it could be easier to explain and I just don’t like the fact that she did not tell us ahead of time. We will let him decide his own religion and educate him a little now but he is too young to go to church now and to know what he wants. Later on if he wants religion in his life than that is fine with us.

Answer 1

i can pictures this situation so well its scary, first off you got no reason to be mad at the grandmother she did nothing wrong but continue her daily routine, just because it doesnt agree with yours does not make it wrong. second i agree with your husband if the child wants to go to church take him, i have never seen a mother get so freaked out because their kid WANTS to go to church...

i can tell your a control freak

Answer 2

Honestly, right now I think this boy is too young and you have every right to be upset. But I don't think you should force him too stop believing in God. I realized that you and your family are not religious, and there's nothing wrong with that. But I know how hard it is to go through life without faith. I have always been a very religious person my entire life and have grown up part of a church. But last year when my grandma died, I was so mad and so scared that I stopped believing the Lord was there for me. And it has been the hardest time in my life so far. I've been extremely unhappy. But now I do have my faith and everything is going beautifully. I am not trying to convince you of anything, and for now you have a right to teach the boy what you feel is right. But I think in the future, if the boy still is interested in religion, you shouldn't hold him back. Let him be his own person and find his own faith in what he wants and needs to believe in.

Answer 3

Tell the grandmother that you want to be told ahead of time when she is going to take the child to activities, especially religious ones. Don't send him again if she cannot abide by your wishes.

He is not too young to attend church, but the question is going to come up that his family are not believers. You have to tell him why. You can educate your son about world religions (they aren't going away just because you don't believe in them), and explain to him your standards and ethics. In fact, being non-christians, many times will give you a moral groundwork that is more complete and natural than any christian religion (and probably others). If you can't tell him your thoughts about religions and why you came to those conclusions, he is going to pick up on your own personal confusion. Might be time for you and your husband to talk about what religion means to you, and why you are not believers and what that means to your family.

Just keep in mind that he is not you, and he will have his own spiritual life.

Answer 4

I think that nothing was done wrong. Just because you don't agree doesn't mean it's not the right path for your son to follow. If he wants to go to church, find one that has a sunday school where you can drop him off and pick him up if you don't want to stay. Sunday school for a 4 year old includes prayer, bible songs and craft projects, plus interaction with other kids, what's the problem with that?

You can't explain to a 4 year old that you think religion is wrong, he's too young to get it. Just tell him that not everyone believes the same thing, but if that's what he likes then it's fine. Don't make him think he's wrong, that will screw with him mentally for a long time.

Answer 5

My husband and I were never religious either, spiritual yes. We decided when our kids were that age to let them have the benefit of the knowledge of religion and took them to Sunday School. We didn't stay for church because the kids would have had to be in daycare and we didn't desire to go, but we sent the kids and went through baptism and catechism with them. I believe they deserve the experience so they can decide for themselves what is right for them. When they are with grandma, they do what grandma does. You shouldn't have a problem with that as long as they are safe and being taken care of. You knew she went to church before sending the boys. She shouldn't have to change anything about the way she lives if it's okay with you that the boys are there. She sounds like a wonderful role model for the kids to be around.

Answer 6

I totally agree with your position that he should wait until he can reason reliably before sending him to church. It was inappropriate for his grandmother to trump your decision to give your son a chance to choose his own path, rather, she chose to enforce it upon him be sending him to church way too young. While this sort of brainwashing is all too common, it's not right, and you should let her know that this is not acceptable behavior. Your idea of explaining that different people believe different things is commendable. Give him all of the facts and let him decide for himself when he gets old enough to understand. This will ensure that it is truly his decision, and hasn't been force-fed into him. I'd also think twice before letting his paternal grandmother have unsupervised visits if she's going to show such disrespect toward your parenting decisions.

Answer 7

ok, so you say that you're not religious, does that mean that you don't believe in God, or just not church going people. there's a difference there. If you don't believe in God , I guess I can't answer your question, but If your one of those who believe but don't go to church, or pray before a meal, ect ect. Than you should let the kids enjoy the experience, if they were happy, let them be when they get older they can make up their minds about what they want to believe in. The grandparents believe in something that in no way will harm the child. weather true or not, God stories are not harmfull .Hope you find the answers you need, Good luck

Answer 8

If you really want him to be an individual person then you should let him go to church and let him make his own observation. Be careful about making negative comments or judgements on the church or the people when he's around. Just try it once and see how it affects him. If you see positive results as far as he's behavior at home or with friends then maybe it's a good thing.

Answer 9

What a great learning opportunity to help your children begin to understand that people are different in this world, even among family members. --- We have these religious differences in my family. Thankfully, no one is a fanatic and this open minded comment has worked among all our children ... "I know that's what (Aunt/Uncle/Grandma, etc.) believes. I don't know much about it. You'd have to ask him/her. I believe in (X,Y,Z) and this is why..." --- If your child asks who's right or wrong, we've tried, "You know, I've wondered about that to. There were times I thought I was the right one but then I've learned that I don't know everything." Discuss a few alternate beliefs and state why each has points that are right or wrong for your life. --- Never be scared to tell a child that you don't have the definitive answer AND (to help them in their future scholastic years) get excited and say, "But that's something that we can go learn about at the library."

Answer 10

Religion is a personal decision. You should allow your child to see that you are "open minded". You may not believe in Jesus but you do believe in freedom of choice? yes?

Disallowing your child that right is worse than you being religious or not.

Also don't blame granny, the child will be exposed to far worse things soon enough. Have you prepared him for the unexpected, dangerous and otherwise? If not then you should be afraid, your not doing your job.
Do you feel confident in your abilities to parent?

Is this what we are really talking about here?

Mentor your child to be sensible and wary and have faith in that.

I always say, God/Nature started me as a little baby and I have been growing the rest on my own ever since.

Good Luck

Answer 11

ill admit im a little confussed i think by your writing maybe its just me im not sure but what it comes down to really is that your the step mom this situation needs to be handled by the kids biological mother and father not to say that you should not let them know what you think but in the end they are not your kids so you have no say in what there parents think is right i am not a religious person ive been to church like three times when i was a kid and sometimes i regret that because i dont really know what to believe in the end going to church with grandma may just add to there learning experience and help them choose for themselves when they get older what they believe it sounds like your trying real hard to get them to have the same beliefs as you which really isnt fair to them let them experience different things grandma taking them to church a couple of times isnt going to hurt them trust your husband all he wants is whats right for the kids and i am not saying you dont i totally believe you do. good luck