I'll be 17 in November, and I am 4.5 weeks pregnant. I live with my mother in the house she owns. She is supportive of me but does not want me to keep this child. She suggests abortion/adoption. I've explained to her that altho I am ProChoice, this is not a situation in which I can justify abortion (for myself). My boyfriend is 19 (20 in November) and is very supportive. He works full time as a skilled worker, framing and building decks. I work part time at Dunkin Donuts. He is great, and says whatever I choose he will be there, but he doesn't want me to have an abortion or an adoption, either. I am finishing HS at my HS's nightschool program, where I can get my degree, GED, MCAS, etc. I am intelligent & wellspoken and test very well. I plan on attending college. So does he. My mom says we can't do it, that it is financially impossible. I disagree. Where there is a will, there's a way. Can two young people who are smart and hardworking, with drive, and love, manage raising their child?
2007-07-14 04:58:19 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
It can be done.
First off, concerning college, you will find that when you have a kid you get gobs and gobs of financial aid. This really peeves a coworker of mine how girls she went to school with had a baby and basically got a free ride, while she owes more on her student loans than what my house cost. Go to the college financial aid office and get yourself educated as to what your options are.
Secondly, even though I'm not a fan of teen pregnancies, what's done is done and now you have to deal with the situation. It's not your mother's baby. Now, she doesn't have to let you live there, and it's not fair for her to have to be in this situation, but things are what they are. Make your own choice about having the baby.
But yes, if you two are tough and suck it up and try you can build a nice life together, and someday have no regrets.
2007-07-14 05:10:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not saying it wont be tough. It will be. You will need to find a place to live, and your boyfriend will have to put a lot of hours in to support you and the baby. You are only 16. This is a huge decision for you. You are only 4 weeks gone so far, so you you do have time to think things through a little more before deciding what to do.
It's good that you are prochoice. This means you do recognize that an abortion is sometimes the right thing for a woman to do. I know that if I had become pregnant at your age my mother would have forced me to abort, and I think it would have been the right thing to do for me. I loved my late teens and early twenties - parties, clubs, socialising. I would have hated to lose all that and been a mother.
I'm not saying you should have an abortion. I am saying you should make sure you have really thought this through. Talk about it with your immediate family and your boyfriend. It's easy to be romantic about it now, while you are only just digesting the news and thinking it's all quite exciting, but the reality is that in 8 months, you will have a baby, and from that moment on, you will be a mother first and foremost. Never again will it just be you. Every decision you make will be based around that baby.
How can you know if your boyfriend is the man you want to marry? This sort of thing at your ages is a massive strain. Not many young couples survive it. I do appreciate how much you want this to work out for you, but you could be kidding yourselves.
I think you should listen to your mother. You will be throwing away your youth, when you are barely an adult yourself. I would think really really hard about this. Sounds like you have a bright future ahead of you. There is plenty of time for babies later.
2007-07-14 14:49:05 · answer #2 · answered by helly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a very intelligent positive person and even though your mother isn't that supportive of your dicision to keep the baby, I agree fully with you. You can raise a child and be happy and have a carreer if you have the will. Don't listen to your mother, she will influence you to make a dicision that will scould you for life. You will hate yourself one day for getting an abortion or adoption. That baby is a gift from God, and there (from God) is the only place where you will find the strength to do what you have to do. And I will tell you, that I've had friends who got pregnant at a young age and are so happy with their baby and husband. I also had a friend that had an abortion, and now that she is married, she can't get pregnant(and her husband so dearly wants a baby). So, there's always a reason why things happen. Follow your instincts and persue your dreams.
2007-07-14 12:13:06 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am almost 33 with my only child turning 3 in Sept. It is hard but I say YES it can be done. Financially, you will qualify for grants to help pay for your college. You both may not be able to attend college at the same time but it sounds like you're planing ahead and going in the right direction.
Your mom will come around, if not during your pregnancy she will after the baby arrives. I have had many friends go through the same situation and the ones who kept their children are doing just as well as the ones who gave them up for adoption. There parents are now the happiest grandparents!
Good Luck to all of you!
2007-07-14 12:16:17 · answer #4 · answered by Cynthia N 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, but the odds are against you and your child! You must be realistic about that, for your child's sake.
Chances are, statistically speaking, you and your Bf won't stay together. So think about that in terms of this deicison. Can you do it all by yourself? Do yo want to do it all by yourself? Would it be fair to/good for the child for you to do it all by yourself?
There is an occasional young mother who is so detrmined AND CAPABLE that NOTHING in the world can stop her from devoting her life to her child and is so capable of doing so at the same time. But is takes being self-less, tons of endless energy, lots of creativiy, more hard work than you could ever imagine, and total devotion to your child. Not devotion to finding or keeping one man after another! Those days are gone when you become a Mom. Your priority is and will always be your child. You have to be ready to give up so much, willingly, not by holding it against your child. And you have to have the maturity to work on improving your life all the time, seeking stability, education, a career - not just a job, medical insurance and care for your child, healthy friendships around your child, a stable and appropriate environment, and an active and productive life.
Good luck, no matter what you decide!
Oh, and P.S. Your Bf is NOT "going to be there no matter what" if he doesn't want you to have an abortion or place the baby for adoption! That's not "no matter what"!
2007-07-14 12:44:16 · answer #5 · answered by Still Me 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In a word - YES! It is very possible!
My MIL had 3 kids by the time she was 20 - that's just how things were done back then. It was a simpler time, but it is still possible!
If you have the support of your boyfriend and your families, anything is possible. You may not be able to both go away to a university right away, but college can be in your future if you want it!
I wish you all the luck in the world!
I've attached a link to a parenting chat forum. They have a wonderful birthclub board - you'd be due in March, right?. They also have a forum for teen mom's. Might be helpful to have others in similar situaitons or those who have "been there, done that".
2007-07-14 12:05:58 · answer #6 · answered by Jamie-Ann 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you can! It will just be very hard! Kids are a lot of work but when you see them sleeping and they look so cute your heart just explodes with love. Their first smile, first word, the way the tug at your pants. I had an abortion a couple of years ago and honestly i think about it everyday. I know i made the right choice at the time but it still hurts. You have to do what's best for you though.
2007-07-14 16:29:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you believe you can do it, you will do it. Don't let anyone tell you different, especially your mother. Also, definitely finish HS, as far as college goes, that can wait (if you want to go) until your child is older. There are so many government programs out there that can help you financially. Medical assistance, WIC can get you food you need for your baby (formula, milk, cereal, etc). There are always options to help you raise your child. It's so great your boyfriend is willing to help out, that will make a huge difference. Good luck to you, I know you can do it!
2007-07-14 12:17:40 · answer #8 · answered by Kirsten L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you wish, surely you can do it, but be ready to face many difficulties, this is very normal especially for very young couple like you. You'll reach the goal as you mentioned that you both are smart and hardworking, with drive, and love but will take time. Once you reach the goal, you'll see that you already have a beautiful family life.
I really appreciate you. Good Luck my dear!
2007-07-14 12:14:31 · answer #9 · answered by CL-1971 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can do it but it will be tough, especally with the lack of suport from you mother. Luckily, they tend to come around when the baby is born and the fact tht its HER grandbaby sinks in. Good luck, you will need it.
2007-07-14 12:02:35 · answer #10 · answered by parental unit 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋