Is maturity achieved by age or through regular beatings?

Question

My 5 and 7 year olds are completely out of control. They just think they are so god damned funny... But i am sick of it! They refuse to grow up and act like normal people. Help!!!

Thanks Dexter C! I will try to show more love.

tjnstlouismo...! Are you mad!? I am NOT giving my prized rainbow trout up for adoption. Go jump in a poluted lake!

Answer 1

Stooge minions, et al:

My wife and I have considered this question for some time. We have come to a few critical decisions:
1. Irregular beatings are spontaneous and more memorable because they come from "left field."
2. "normal people" behaviour should not be your goal. aim for something a bit more.... TylerDurden-ish. it's hard to describe, with any accuracy, what that behaviour is exactly.... but, well, aim for something in that area.
3. if the kids don't show improvement over a reasonable time period, take drastic action. as well as the above-mentioned methods you might consider, here are a few more ideas:
a. burn the soles of their feet with your hash-pipe
b. singe their hair with a blow torch (the shorter their hair, the scarier--this was effective when it was my father's turn to straighten me up)
c. in the middle of the night, snatch up the kids in their bedroll and keep them from seeing you or hearing your voice, throw them in a bundle into the trunk, and make the tires squeal as you pull out of the driveway. take a few turns at high speed, then return home. when you open the trunk, you are sure to be greeted by kids who are grateful to see your face.
d. share red wine at dinner. benadryl any time. sedated kids=happy parents.

good luck!

Answer 2

Nothing seemed to help you, did it. If your kids are out of control then do a better job of parenting. If you don't know how, then take parenting classes or speak to their doctor. If you think that a 5yr old and a 7yr need to be anything but their age, and that beating them is any kind of answer, then call 911 and report a child abuse in progress.

You know you had a choice about reproducing, its not their fault you made the wrong choice. If you can't do better, then give them up so someone else can.

Answer 3

Relax. Join in the fun that they are currently having. I used to be in that state like your 5 and 7 years old. Its only been through stages of life then i realized how stupid I was. Beating will grow hatred. Show your love. :)

Answer 4

Maturity can be reached by age or through regular beatings or both. So either you haven't aged or haven't gotten through the beatings or they weren't regular. What I meant is you seemed to be immature and out of control.

You need more help in growing up than do your kids. So work on that.

Answer 5

You need to teach them their lesson the old fashioned way. I only ever needed one spanking when I was a kid to show me that Mom meant business. Just gotta let them know who's in charge.

Man, forget all this new age "kids are just little adults" mumbo jumbo and rasie em up the way you were raised ... well ... maybe not exactly the way you were raised.

Answer 6

I think that you are starting a bit late but there's not time like the present to instill in your young ones a deep sense of hopelessness and foreboding. Sit them in front a collection of GWB press conferences, they'll be sure to end up jaded and humorless.

Answer 7

I tell kids German tales of horror and devastation mutilations
and locking them up for ever, or even longer.
That'll do it.

Answer 8

they act like what they see. kids copy everything they see...also, they are just young kids! give them a break!