My boyfriend is a heroin addict- he and I are extremely close. We have been best friend for 17 years and just started dating recently. We are extremely compatible in every way besides the fact that I have recently gone to rehab and want to stay clean while he has no intention of giving up the junk.
I broke up with him but I know he really needs me and I need him in my life too. What do I do? How do I convince him that he needs to clean up his act?
2007-07-01 23:38:44 · 21 answers · asked by Riya Layne 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Honestly, coming from one recovered addict (crystal meth user) to another. It really is a do or die situation. I have had to cut many many people that I loved out of my life.
Perhaps if you look at it this way... It is either you or him. You can not do both. Staying sober is hard enough without having the temptation. And you deserve to have someone who supports you by being sober. Trust me, it has made a whole world of a difference for me, my Husband is wonderful. The longer you keep him around (even though you love him dearly) the longer you risk your own soberity.
I am not saying that you have to cut him out forever. But until he gets clean (and stays clean for a few years) then you have got to, unless you are willing to get back on drugs again. (Which is your choice completely).
Didn't they tell you in rehab to cut everyone that does or that you have done drugs with out of your life? This is a threat. He might not feel like he is (and in all reality, he most likely doesn't) but the honest truth is he is. Not matter how you cut it.
I am very proud that you went to rehab. It sure isn't easy but it is so worth it. After going from having a $200 day habit to now being married, completely sober and a wonderful Husband, it really shows me how lucky I am that I am off of those dang drugs.
Best wishes, if you ever want to talk or need support I am just an e-mail away!
2007-07-01 23:51:27 · answer #1 · answered by <3 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Probably not a good idea. However, it depends on a range of factors. How long have you been clean? How strong are you and how resistant to temptation are you- be really honest with yourself. Ask yourself why you need him and why he needs you- only need is not a good basis for a relationship imo. Why does he not want to give up? I don't think you can convince anyone to give up if they don't want it themselves but you might be able to steer him in the right direction, showing how you cope without drugs, how your life has changed for the better, what possibilities and opportunities would be open to the both of you- and what wouldn't if he stays a junkie.
Give your love and try your best by all means but don't let him get you down but make sure to keep looking after yourself as you seem to have done by getting clean- no man is worth sacrificing your own health (mental or physical) for. Follow your heart but stay strong.
2007-07-01 23:55:08 · answer #2 · answered by cazisa 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you need anyone to tell you this is a bad situation. You are clean, he is not. You stand a HUGE chance of relapsing back into your old habit. I know you love him and care about him very much but you need to leave. If he really loves you he will give up the sh*t and shake that monkey off his back. You've taken a huge step forward and cleaning up, don't take 3 steps back to where you were or worse. You need to surround yourself with positive influences in order to stay on the up n' up. Don't let him be your downfall. He doesn't need you like you think he does. He has you convinced of that, and that's what drug addicts do. He needs and loves the sh*t more than you, otherwise he would clean up his act. Do yourself a favor and as painful as it may be, walk away.
2007-07-01 23:46:38 · answer #3 · answered by glittereyedg 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't convince him - all you can do is live your own sweet life and have all the fun you can have. You can help lead him - but you can't make him stop. You can love him unconditionally without enabling him or being a codependent.
it depends on whether you can stay clean - it might be a good thing to spend time with him to realize how far you are coming in your personal development.
It would be hard though - because your values are conflicting right now. If you love him you love him though. Its up to you.
2007-07-01 23:46:21 · answer #4 · answered by beach 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is hard for addicts to stay around drug users and remain clean, and it's best to end all such relationships and stay in the drug-free world. Most drug addicts are constantly trying to addict other people, and no recovering addict needs that continual reminder. Staying clean is more important than being with this guy, and you should make it clear that he needs to quit if he has any chance with you. That will help you both stay off the junk.
2007-07-01 23:42:29 · answer #5 · answered by Steve C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know the answer...
If you stay with him you'll start using it... You can't stay out. You know, it's very important what you have achieved. You want to live long and healthy and happy. With junk in between you, it will not happen.
I bet you can always find somebody compatible with you but clean... He can find somebody to get junk together as well.
But: You can be with him in one condition. He goes rehab and quits. And never ever touches it. If he can do it he deserves you. Otherwise that is a killer relationship. If you'd wanted to die, you wouldn't go rehab...
Give him a chance, if he loves you he will quit. Otherwise he is in love with junk... Any time he touches the junk, leave him.
2007-07-02 00:34:46 · answer #6 · answered by rexxyellocat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That would seem like a really bad idea. I don't see how it could work. Can an recovering alcoholic hang out a bar? Perhaps you can convince him by telling him there is no way you are going to be with him as long as he is doing drugs. Tell about your road to recovery and help him to enter a rehab facility
2007-07-01 23:44:56 · answer #7 · answered by John S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love you know that you need him in your life correct? The best thing you can do right now is walk away. You cant help someone if they dont want it, and if they refuse to help themselves. If he knows how badly you want to stay clean, then he should support that and attempt to do so as well. If the habbit is really that bad for him, then tell him straight up "I need you, I love you, and I want you to be around for forever and 6 years. But, you cant do that unless your clean. I want to help you, but you dont want my help. There's no point in me stickin around when I'm not needed, or respected." Cuz babe if he respected you he'd at least think about it.
I hope this helps, honestly feel free to message me.
And rememeber this is just opinions from strangers, you have the right to exercise free will.
2007-07-01 23:44:43 · answer #8 · answered by HeRo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its not something entirely in your hands im afraid. Having a cousin who was also a heroin addict its never easy to convince. It took a jail term for him to get off the drug. Although im not suggesting your bf goes to jail it made him realise how much he needed to clean his act. Unfortunately its something he will have to do by his own will and determination. For his sake i hope he cleans up his act anyway.
2007-07-01 23:55:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be very careful in this. Studies have shown that 9 out of 10 times the one who quit ends up using again. Your playing with fire if you continue on this path.
Your in one very difficult situation. Please watch what your doing.
I have been clean for a lot of years now, I had to walk away from everyone I knew that used. This is what has kept me clean for all these years.
Please be careful !!! GOOD LUCK
2007-07-01 23:55:03 · answer #10 · answered by rklee0122 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋