through a divorce, my ex has tried to turn him against me by talking bad about me and even my younger children which are HIS kids! My son believes him and acts like he cant stand to be around me. I feel helpless. I have put in our court order that there are to be no negative comments but nobody will enforce it. I am desperate to show my son the truth that he is being brain-washed but of course I would never say it. My ex left for someone else and my son says he likes spending time with her more than anything. Before we went through this divorce his dad never spent time with him and now he is suddenly father of the year. It's only to get more custody (which he doesnt even use all of) so he doesn't have to pay so much support. He treats my son like an adult and now my son despises me treating him "like a child" and acts like he is above me punishing him when he gets into trouble and is very cold to his younger brother and sister. How can I get through to him??
2007-07-01 19:10:14 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
Lead by example. Do your level best not to speak badly about his dad in front of him. Tell him that if he has any questions about the divorce or what someone has said, to come and talk to you about it and that you will be as honest as possible without being hurtful to another person. Make every effort to be a good mom and just wait. Do not let your ex push you out of your kids lives. Eventually, kids get older and realize what is really going on. In the long run this will turn them against their father, so he's really only hurting himself in the end.
2007-07-02 01:57:38 · answer #1 · answered by Sharon M 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh boy, do I EVER feel your pain. I'm going through this right now with my daughter. Her mother allows her to overhear things that are just not appropriate for a 7 year old.
It was exactly the same way...she and I were very close and now she thinks I'm Satan himself. She told her therapist she doesn't trust me. When I see her she won't let me hug her or anything. The only time she acts somewhat like her old self is on the days we go swimming or to the park. Even then she'll sometimes turn on me when it's almost time to go home.
It feels almost like my daughter was taken away from me. Physically she is there, but emotionally, she is not. It hurts worse than anything and it's not like you can explain it to anyone that hasn't been through it.
I've done a lot of studying on the subject of Parental Alienation Syndrome. They all say the same thing...keep going for the visits, stay in their lives, don't ever give up on them. It sounds easy and natural enough, but I gotta tell you, it gets pretty hard to take hearing your own kids act like they hate you. You just have to remember that no matter how much they say they hate you, they NEED you because they are undergoing a horrible type of emotional abuse at the hands of the other parent. If the other parent is willing to put their own kids through that kind of abuse to to hurt you, then what kind of parent are they? I've seen some kids that realize what has been done to them and they HATE the parent that did it but it doesn't usually dawn on them until they are about 13 years old or older, if ever.
For right now, all you can do is not try to fight fire with fire...in other words don't bad mouth the dad. The day will come when your child starts to think for himself and 'dad' will get his. Stay in touch any way you can and don't ever give up. Write me if you need to talk. Good luck.
2007-07-02 14:11:47 · answer #2 · answered by invitation2die 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the others ~ keep doing what you are doing! Be his mom, don't try to be his friend at this point ( that's what dad is doing to get what he wants) If you try to be his friend it will only make matters worse. ( what I mean is keep things as much the way they have been as you can , don't do *special* things for him just because he acts like he doesn't want to be around you or says things... kids will just play on this and it will get worse if you do... let him see what dad is doing and he will play dad for all it's worth and dad will probably get tired of it and show his true self! )
Be there for him , let him know you will always be there for him and that you love him ( no matter what he says or does).It will be hard, but he will someday see what dad is really doing, and he will maybe thank you someday for being his mom and loving him no matter what :-)
Good luck and I hope that things get better soon
2007-07-02 10:58:02 · answer #3 · answered by momwv 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My advice would be to keep doing what you do. Treat your kids no different than before and remember all darkness comes to the light. The older your kids get the more they will realize that mommy is mommy and she doesn't pretend just to win us over. She loves us unconditionally and has always been there for us and although dad spoke badly about her she spoke positive about him. Your ex knows he's wrong so he will do what he can to make you look like the bad one and what better way to get to you than through the kids.
2007-07-02 09:52:08 · answer #4 · answered by ndd77 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've gotten some good answers. I'd add that it is important that he have a neutral party to talk to-some kind of counselor or therapist or a support group for kids going through a divorce. He's very angry and you are the object of that anger which makes it hard for him to respond to you.
2007-07-02 09:07:33 · answer #5 · answered by EC Expert 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell him that everything will be alright. My older bro was in the same situation back in 2002 and his ex-wife turned their now 9 year old daughter against his side of the family. My older bro and I of course are adopted and his ex-wife told my neice that our adopted parents weren't her grandparents and from the time my neice was 5 till now my parents haven't been able to see her. I am just waiting for the day she finds out the truth from my older bro and ends up resenting her own mother.
2007-07-02 08:13:05 · answer #6 · answered by teri81979_2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i feel your pain. i'm pretty much going through the same thing right now. the best thing i can tell you is to not give up. remember he is a child, you are the adult and you know what is best. it almost happened to me, but i told my children that i am their mother and that will never change.
you will have to be a little firm with him sometimes, trust me i know.
it will work out in the end if you just keep at it.
i wish you the best of luckâ¥
2007-07-02 02:17:44 · answer #7 · answered by ♥Charmed One♥ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
explain what daddy did and it was wrong to do to ur family
tell him u dont make a baby and then wait till he is 8 and go on to the next person just cuz u feel lkie it that is wrong
2007-07-02 02:58:07 · answer #8 · answered by ez-goin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DAM!!
2007-07-02 10:43:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋