What can I do about my 8 year old son who used to be so close to me and now that me and his dad are going?

Question

through a divorce, my ex has tried to turn him against me by talking bad about me and even my younger children which are HIS kids! My son believes him and acts like he cant stand to be around me. I feel helpless. I have put in our court order that there are to be no negative comments but nobody will enforce it. I am desperate to show my son the truth that he is being brain-washed but of course I would never say it. My ex left for someone else and my son says he likes spending time with her more than anything. Before we went through this divorce his dad never spent time with him and now he is suddenly father of the year. It's only to get more custody (which he doesnt even use all of) so he doesn't have to pay so much support. He treats my son like an adult and now my son despises me treating him "like a child" and acts like he is above me punishing him when he gets into trouble and is very cold to his younger brother and sister. How can I get through to him??

Answer 1

You need to get counseling for you son. You also need to tell your husband to stop being such an immature jerk. I think that some therapy for you and your children will help. I am sure that the therapist will also want to talk with your ex and then you will see how committed he is to being the father of the year. Your son loves you and is just so confused right now and you are being a terrific mother, in asking for help. Your ex may need to attend some sessions, so someone can tell him he is being a jerk and to stop confusing your son. Good Luck.

Answer 2

You won't be able have you son to understand until the divorce preceding is over. I don't have any sympathy for your ex-husband at all, because a child needs his father and mother. This case is real nasty. The only thing you can do is fight hard for the sole custody of your son. Once you have your son under your roof treat him like a person, not childish nor adult.

Also do not reverse the same cruel play against your ex-husband. You will really confuse him, and when he gets older he will resent both you and your ex.

Keep an open communication with him at all times. Allow him to express his thoughts and inform his school of what is happening. Be good to each other.

God Bless

Answer 3

In my opinion, your son is being used by your husband...and he is not respecting your son as being his young child...he is just taking advantage of the situation....I think if I were in your shoes I'd go and find some counseling...in times like this you need someone who specializes in these family problems....if you call the court they might suggest a family services agency in your city....I don't think you can say anything that is going to change your x's mind or your son's...it's already gone too far..for now..I'd just treat him with love and understanding...even if it's very hard until you get some help and know what to do next....it really hurts us who read questions like yours....wishing we had the right answer to such a personal heart breaking problem...that you have.
God bless you, reach out and get help now...don't wait!
Mama Jazzy Geri
one last thought:
If you are near a religious group...ask the leader or their assistants also..if they have some family counseling services...don't give up!

Answer 4

Quit trying so hard to convince your son that he is wrong. Tell him you know he will always respect you, even if you don't see it. Let him know you will always be there for him no matter what. It's important you let him know you love him, and you feel he is growing up.
I know you feel pain and this is not fair to you. Try not to treat him like a child anymore. He will see for himself that you are showing him the same respect his daddy does. I'm not saying his daddy is 100 percent right, this is unfair to you. Your son doesn't want to be seperated from his dad. I feel he uses this as an excuse to seperate himself from you. There comes a time in a boy's life when he want's to seperate himself from his mother. This hurts us sometimes. I've gone through this with my sons after the divorce. Your son is hurting too. He is afraid of becoming a "Mommie's Boy". Since the divorce he wants to hang on to his dad. He don't want his friends to talk and make fun of a Mommie's Boy". This is just a stage he is going through. He will come out of it if you treat him with respect, regardless of how he treats you.

Answer 5

I would seek professional counselling for your son. Unfortunately you will probably not be able to get through to him yourself due to being caught up with all the emotion. A neutral person, who is professional in dealing with these situations will have the tools and ability to talk truth into your boy.

I really feel for you.

Answer 6

Theres a way you can see him every week through the courts you can have custody of him off a weekend. Maybe you should do that and proove to your kids that your are a worthy mother don't give up. If you show your kids enough love they''ll be happy to see you every weekend. Its about the best you can do unless you file for full custody of your kids and proove to them you'd be a better parent. But thats all I can suggest good luck.

Answer 7

I'd say that you are going to have to be real patient. Give your son time. He will grow and find out for himself that his father is leading him on. Don't say anything bad about your sons' father because then you will be doing the same thing his father is doing. Your son will see what is happening. Give your son time and he will judge for himself what is going on. He will see that his father is deceiving. He will have to see for himself.