I have suspisions and i need advice?

Question

My fiance and i have been together for 2 years this July 4th, 2007. we have been engaged since january '07. we are living together and have been for quite a while. I work from home so i am always here but a few weeks ago on june 14th and 15th my mom and brother and sister came up and we went tubing, we were gone about 3 hours. my fiance did not go b/c he works third shift and had to get some sleep. He told me that he didnt get any sleep and just watched tv. he sent me a text message and i called him back and i swear i heard a woman say hello while we were talking, i shrugged it off as the tv or something. we had on our nightstand two condoms still connected together inside a glass cup. i was cleaning in the bedroom a few weeks ago before we went tubing and i KNOW they were there and connected. Then like 2 days ago i reached over to the nightstand and one of the condoms was gone. I asked him where it was and he said he didnt know and he didnt do anything. i did not accuse him and i told him that i was not accusing him , he told me he didnt do anything and that i gave him a look like i was accusing him. i still have not "found" the condom and i dont know what the hell happened because we do not use condoms for one and we have not been intimate in weeks, for 2. Any suggestions or advice please would be appreciated. i am freaking out over this and i do not know what to do or think. I asked him if he was cheating and he said no and he never has. any advice would be greatly appreciated, i hate feeling this way. i trusted him up until this point.

Also, i know his school schedule and work schedule, he is always on time always comes home when he is supposed to, calls me from work usually every night, so i dont know if this is a one time thing or what...

I am soo sorry this is so long, but also, its not like he isnt getting what he could ever want or need from me, i have a job, i am pretty, i think anyways, he tells me i am beautiful and he says he loves me every day, i am ready and willing to try and do anything in bed, i do things for him and take care of him when he is sick, i am affectionate and not shy about things, i dont know what would make him cheat on me..

Answer 1

he is cheating!!! get out of that mess honey!

Answer 2

Always go with your feelings. Don't accuse him, just observe him from now on. If you cannot get past this issue, you guys have got to talk about it or it will never go away. If you are willing to stay with him then you have to work this out soon. Letting it go for too long will do you no good. Also, it doesn't matter if a girl is pretty or willing to do new things in bed. Those things are irrelevant if someone wants to cheat. If he did cheat, do not blame yourself. A cheater may cheat because they can get away with it or they like the thrill of a new conquest. Cheaters don't try to control their impulses. So, if you are willing to work it out and he did cheat, try to be understanding but also know that a cheater could actually slip again. The trust has been questioned and you guys have to work on trusting each other again. I hope everything works out for you.
Third shift workers have hard time sleeping sometimes because the 3rd shift pattern is not a normal work/sleep pattern that a body isn't used to doing. No matter how long he has been on that shift, his body may never adjust to it. Perhaps your fiance gave the condom to a friend or relative who needed one or maybe a friend or relative just swiped it. There is also the possibility that your fiance may have just played around with it himself & was embarrassed to say so. Keep the communication lines open. If you smell a rat, then flush it out. Until then, be patient. Your intuition should tell you if something is up. Good luck!

Answer 3

I would try to forget about it for a few weeks, if the issue is still hunting me I woul do the following.

You have the views of many guys here, that is great advice they have given you. What I would do is stop mentioning the situation and keep him at a close watch. Make a littke mark or number on the condoms you might have around, then use them by numbers, do not tell him. Be sure to keep them all together and remember when you do use one. You save them, whenever you might need one you ogo and get it, this way there is no possibility you miss placed them and if anyone asks for one you can take the following number.

If while doing this I felt sneaky or after I still had my doubts, I would break it up with him because it means that the trust has been lost or broken and I wouldn't feel good in a relationship like that.

Hope everything turns out fine, good luck girl!

Answer 4

First of all let me say, if you have not given your man any loving for weeks, you ain't giving that man enough loving! Anyway, you already know the answer. He did do SOMETHING, you just can't say what and with whom. The evidence you have doesn't prove anything concrete. All you can do is make accusations. Which is not a good idea, if you plan to continue to live in peace. So, don't press the issue. Trust me, if he's up to something, time will tell. If you guys have lived together planning to get married, then I'm sure that moving out is not a quick option. I would suggest to any woman that she always have an evacuation plan, just in case. So, you do that. Then just don't be ignorant to what's right in your face. You never know. He may be on the up and up. And you don't want to ruin a good relationship, over what could have been nothing. But, if you just gotta know for sure, call Maury or Cheaters. I'll be watching:)

Answer 5

Well, I hope and pray that he didn't cheat. But, sometimes when everything in a relationship is going so good the smallest thing can worry you to death. About the condom situation, I don't know. Especially since you recall hearing a woman in the background and the condom turned up missing after that day. Just sit him down and ask him are there any secrets that you feel you may need to get off your chest. Tell him if you are gonna marry me we need to have everything we've done in the light so that it doesn't come back to haunt us. I truley hope you get to the bottom of this. Good luck.

Answer 6

Thats a tough one, theres not much you can do now, except either trust he is telling the truth or try to catch him. Act like everything is normal, and try dropping in on him a few times when he thinks you are out doing something else and are going to be gone for a long time. There are ways to find out, but its up to you on if you really want to find out. Thats definately odd, especially that he right away said he hadn't done anything, even when you never accused him. Sometimes thats a sign of guilt. Thats a tough situation to be in, if it was me though, i would definately try to find out whats going on by any means, but act as if all were normal. I wish you the best, good luck!

Answer 7

Awww, my heart goes out to you. Listen, until you have hard core evidence -- he hasn't cheated. Maybe his siblings took a condom? Either way, I'm sorry you have to go through that. It must be a horrible feeling. I would sit him down and give him an ultimatim...but what would it be? Would you forgive him? Would you be ready to end things with him if he confessed that he cheated? Are you ready for the truth?

I'm engaged too -- so my heart goes out to you. I know I'd be devastated.

Answer 8

well 2 things...
1st: umm if u guys have been together for 2 yrs and ur engaged then im sure u guys a crazy abt each other and for a guy to cheat at that point is well very wrong and also nt that possible i guess... i mean i think u should only believe it when u actually catch them cheating... because if u start looking for hints everything looks like one!
2nd: i think you should just forget abt it now and just i guess lay off of it until u actually catch them in the act i guess.. trust in him, urself and god.... u'll be shown the way : )

Answer 9

straight up imam tell you im a guy. a sentetive guy but still a guy.if he sheated on you he probably wont tell you. if he does then he wont do it again. if he doesnt tell you then that meant he doesnt regret it and will do it again. that condom did not just dissappear....his playin stupid should not be foolin anybody. if you have to just shrug it off as thinkin that he was spankin it and uses the condom so there would be no mess or some crap like that. if thats the case then he would deffinitaly be too embarrased to tell you...watch his ***. (damn it feels weired being a guy and sayin all that ****...)

Answer 10

I honestly think that he may be cheating by the sounds of it, but i would look into it more.

If you find out that he is not cheating, I would definitly spice things up in the bedroom, don't wait for him to tell you what to do, that will make him bored! Surprise him!

Answer 11

He is cheating on you ! it's nothing to do with you at all some guys or girls cheating from their love-one for many reasons for example there self esteem.
Trust your instinct it never fail you and it better that you know now than after too late or after you guys merried and have kids. Your story identical with mine and i pound out too late after we got merried but i move on ! because the problem is not you , you will find your self somebody more then the day after you dump him like i was.
I like the fact that you have very good self esteem and that very atractive to good quality men that deserve you better.
Good luck and take care.