She drinks atleast two fifths of vodka a week, easy, sometimes more. She always has an excuse for why she needs to drink (don't feel good, helps me go to bed, puts me in a better mood, etc.). And she drinks all hours of the day. I'm pretty sure she is an alcoholic, but how do I get her help? Do I confide with her family or just keep it between the two of us?
2007-07-01 17:21:59 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Food & Drink ➔ Beer, Wine & Spirits
I'll bet you a million dollars that her family already knows.
You cannot make her stop drinking.
What you can do is not marry her. Marriage is for better or worse....are you ready for what the worst may be?
Tell her that you are concerned about her drinking. Get counseling before getting married...if she protests....shes not ready to stop...and no matter what you do you wont be able to convince her.
Think about what you want in your life before you walk down the isle
2007-07-01 17:31:21 · answer #1 · answered by Steph 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Dear Midwestguy, WOW...you really have BIG problem or TWO...first you want to marry ...then on top of that the "bride to be" is a alcoholic....that is way too much LOAD ...for any man to carry. Getting married to someone sober is ENOUGH....I know that is not what you want to hear....but think what drinking is doing not just to her but to you and all the people she is around...it's like a domino affect...drinking affects everyone involved....
Sounds like she is trying to drowned her "problems" whatever they are? There is always something behind anything a person is abusing....
She really needs professional help...keeping her drinking a secret is "old news". It's time to bring it out in the open and seek help right now before she has alcoholic poisoning to her body...just passes out and is not coherent.
You better forget the marriage plans and bring her back to normal health so you can start your lives over on an even keel. Like I said before marriage is a precious vow you take...and both parties need to be in the best mental and physical health before starting your lives together.
Sometimes when a person has gone too far with drinking and nothing seems to help...you do a group intervention..where all the people who care for her come together at the same time and tell "her" how much they care for her and want her to stop drinking and go into a treatment center....especially if she is a heavy drinker...and can't seem to control herself...
Get in touch with her doctor or the AA group in your city....don't put this off start doing something to save her...every life is a gift.....nothing to waste...
Good luck best wishes to you and to her...
Mama Jazzy Geri
2007-07-01 17:43:42 · answer #2 · answered by Mama Jazzy Geri 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The worst thing you can do to or for this woman is to marry her. Your "soon to be wife" will shortly become your soon-to-be ex-wife. Marry her and she will have no reason to change her behavior.
Do you really want to go to bed at night with a woman who is looped and get up with one who is hung over?
Don't kid yourself. Your "love" isn't going to change her. It hasn't changed her yet, has it? Why do you think she'll change once she has the security blanket of being married?
You're going to have a tough time when you need to get a divorce. How can you blame her drinking for the destruction of your marriage when you knew all about it before you got married?
Don't let "love" make you blind. She doesn't love you, so why should you love her? She loves her vodka. You should practice making babies, but be careful. If you slip up and get her pregnant, you're going to learn the true meaning of "until death do us part."
2007-07-04 17:49:30 · answer #3 · answered by SCOTT M 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Been there, done that, now divorced. The sad truth is that no matter how many people tell her she has a problem, she won't do anything about it until SHE feels it's a problem. It sounds like that she doesn't feel that way yet. The more people that push her, the more likely that she'll keep up her drinking( we all tend to push back). I wish I had better news for you.
2007-07-02 03:31:12 · answer #4 · answered by sealo13 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You wrote several months ago that she stopped having sex with you. Now you admit she's a drunk. Why would you want to marry this woman? You sound like a nice guy, you definitely deserve better. End the drama, end the relationship. You may love her, but you're not going to heal her by staying. Certainly don't marry her. There are many fine women out there, you can do better. If you don't believe that, you should get counseling, not to find help for her, but to figure out why you're staying with her.
2007-07-01 20:40:29 · answer #5 · answered by Katherine W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get yourself into an ALNON group first. It will teach you how to live with a heavy drinker, alcoholic etc. There will be several other people with the same issues and you can discuss them.
Once your wife understands that you are attending meetings she may wish to join AA, but it has to be her decision not yours.
Her primary physician can also help
2007-07-02 08:25:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If drinking doesn't interfere with her daily life and normal activities such as work, taking care of herself, etc. I guess it's ok. As long as she doesn't get drank from drinking, I think it's ok. A glass of wine a day is beneficial to health according to the French. I don't know how much is 2/5 of vodka a week, though.
2007-07-01 20:24:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow. Okay, first off if you are even thinking of wanting kids at some point in your life with this woman get her help before that. My mother was and is a severe alcoholic. It was nothing for her to come home drunk and slap me and knock me against the wall. She said some horrendous things to me when she was drunk, nothing any child should EVER hear come from their parents. She does need help and there is nothing that you can do short of canceling the wedding that will get her attention. Her family probably does know that she has a drinking problem. If you are close enough and comfortable enough with her family to confide in them I suggest doing so. It's going to be one of the most difficult things that you will ever have to do in your lifetime but YOU have to make the decision. Is it worth it for you? What do you get out of the relationship. Is she really the woman you think she is? How do you know that the drunk isn't who you fell in love with? I lived for 23 years with a drunk and it is the worst environment ever. If you really love this woman and really want to marry her bring up your concern. If she is like most drunks she is going to deny having a problem. She will probably lie to you about how much she drinks and when she does. Alcoholics lie. A Lot. I am an alcoholic, I used to drink a disgusting amount of alcohol because I was trying to dull the pain of growing up with an alcoholic for a parent. When you have a lot of pain inside of you sometimes it is the only thing that can "dull" the pain. However, when you are drunk is usually when this pain surfaces and you start to cry, fight , scream or sometimes all of it at once. After reading the excuses she is giving you, I have no doubt she is an alcoholic and you need to get her help. If she loves you enough to marry you then she should be grateful for your concern and possibly she will realize that she has a problem. The only thing I can tell you that you can really do nothing. It has to come from their mind and THEY are the ones who have to make the decision to quit drinking. I think about the horrible hateful things I said to my husband before we were married. He should have left my *** at the alter. I was in a very dark spot for awhile but it took me to make the decision to stop drinking and want to change my life. Nothing anyone could say to me would sink in. I had several people tell me they were worried about my drinking, people like my bosses, friends, family, the worst was from my little brother who was 15 a the time. I heard everything they said to me but took nothing to heart because I didn't' think I had a problem which is the classic sign of an alcoholic. I do still drink but I have learned the fine art of moderation. There was almost a year when my husband and I didn't drink, it was an conscious decision between the two of us because we both had drinking problems and we decided together to stop. We cut ties from those who drank around us and let all of our friends know we quit. Some were supportive, others weren't. If she ever shows any signs of being violence think about possibly having kids with this woman? Do you want your children to walk on eggshells everyday because they don't know it is going to be Jekyll or Hyde Mommy coming home? There is a lot of pain in loving an alcoholic. Trust me I know. I don't know of anything else to tell you other than confront her and express your concerns. If this woman truly loves you than she will make the effort. Make your wedding reception alcohol free, take all the alcohol out of the house, dump it down the drain. Tell her that if she has been drinking that she can't come home. You have to be very strict and hard with alcoholics. They will try to weasle and worm their way back in to your life and screw it all up if you let them. I know this sounds harsh and mean and cruel but it's all up to her. If she is ready then she will make a change. Short of court ordered rehab there isn't anything you can really do but ask her to get help. I really feel for you on so many different levels. I wish nothing but the best for you and your future. I don't know if anything I have said will help you or has given you any hope but coming from an alcoholic who's father is a recovered alcoholic and mother who is still a practicing alcoholic, get a handle on this now. You don't want to bring kids into this volatile mix.
2007-07-05 09:33:42 · answer #8 · answered by kate_z80 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't bring the family into it. I would sit her down over a nice picnic and tell her that it's bothering you and that you love her and you're worried about her. Ask her to go to ONE support group meeting and if she doesn't like it, then you will never go back. Go with her. Support her. Do it out of love though but yeah, I wouldn't bring the family into it, not yet at least.
Good luck!
2007-07-01 17:28:15 · answer #9 · answered by mrshouck2004 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
take her to a rehab...give her an ultimatum that either she do that or the wedding is off and she can't keep the ring..
well, she'll either take your worry sincerely and try to work it out for both of your sakes or she'll keep the ring anyway to pawn it later for more vodka.
2007-07-01 19:00:05 · answer #10 · answered by thuy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋